r/TwoXChromosomes: You are the community. You have all the power of the internet to mold it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Icecream_so_GOOD on 2023-08-12 01:48:35.

So I (33) used to work as a Special Education Teacher, which is a very tough job (not as tough as nurse or a lot of other jobs- but you'd be surprised at how mentally and physically draining some positions can be) so I connect with a guy, and on the date he says that he also taught Special Education. If I said I taught 7 years , he says he taught 10. If I said I had a rough time some years, he never made a mistake and implies I'm a bad teacher. If I taught grades 1-12 and I have 3 credentials, he taught TK - Adult Education and has 4 credentials and a masters. So he was making me feel pretty bad about myself, and after this long 4 hour date I went to look him up on social media (becuase surely he'd be listed in the district employees list). Then I saw online through LinkedIn, he never taught a day in his life and has 0 teaching credentials and 0 education history on it. Funny thing is he had a really good job- in a science field, I don't know why he had the need to do that or try to one up me. This guy was going on and on about fake stories and fake teaching experiences he had for literally hours😆.

Idk, so I told my parents after the date - and all they could fixate on was that he has a good job and they think I should give him a shot. I , however, want to confront him lightly or jokingly just becuase IDK it honestly makes me mad that someone would do this.

What would you guys do?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/disjointed_chameleon on 2023-08-12 00:25:32.

It's painfully cold, isolating, and infuriating when you're trying to escape an abusive marriage, and everyone around you says:

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!

But when you ask for help -- not even financial help -- something as simple as having one furniture item removed from your home -- it's like every human has fallen off the face of the earth. Everyone who "offered to help", just...... crickets. I've even offered to pay them some money to have it removed.

So, despite being broke, here I am having to pay someone ~$100+ to have a damn armchair removed from my house as I tie up loose ends with the sale of my house.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/FunEcho4739 on 2023-08-11 23:56:56.

So I am supposed to be getting married in a few months. I assumed my fiancé and I would share finances. Currently he earns more than I do. Long term, after finishing grad school in 4 years, I will earn about 5x what he does.

Today, my fiance informed me that he isn't sharing money with me and I just need to "get a job" if I want money. So I am looking at struggling to balance work with grad school, basically working 60-80 hours a week when you count grad school time as "work", which is what I have been doing for the past 3 years of our relationship, to get through school.

So as his "wife", I will be working 60-80 hours a week, to his 40 hours a week- all so that for the rest of my marriage to him, he gets a claim to half the return on investment of me slaving away like this???

I guess I am realizing that long-term, marrying him doesn't benefit me. If things don't work out 10-20 + years down the line, I am stuck paying him alimony, sharing half any assets I accrue with him, possibly even partial ownership of my practice. When he can't help me at all in the short term. What's the point of marrying someone like this?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/fridgeplant on 2023-08-11 23:47:47.

My good friend is leaving her husband. She got a degree before they married which he supported her through and is paying loans for and she had planned to do this career field. They ended up getting married and because it was hard to get a job in this career field without extra training, she ended up never working. They had multiple kids and her husband pressured her to get a job especially because the job market opened up a lot. She did not want to work and wanted to be with her kids. She was frustrated because he wanted to be the stay at home parent. Once the pandemic hit, they had to homeschool and she got hooked on homeschooling. She was always not wanting to vaccinate but they couldn’t put the kids in school without vaccinating. Her husband felt after a few years, the kids weren’t making their milestones and vaccinated them behind her back and put them in school. She is extremely upset and betrayed. She will not get a job and will not speak to her husband for the past 6-8 months. He now wants a separation as well. I encourage her to get therapy and a job to support herself, but she refuses and lives in a state of constant grief mixed with anger. I try to have an open mind, but this is so extreme and I don’t understand being so against vaccination you would breakup your family over it. I have severe autoimmune disease and I shouldn’t get vaccinated, but I do and end up getting sick for months and have huge set backs in my disease because I am afraid others won’t vaccinate themselves or children and I also just truly believe in vaccines. I need perspectives and advice on how to help my friend emotionally.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/ImNotPanicing on 2023-08-11 23:15:26.

Last night I went out for drinks with my sister and some people she met at a job training.

We were having a good time but I think two of the guys we were with got a little too tipsy. They both started talking about their shared trauma. They had been cheated on repeatedly. Then began the generalizations "All women are cheaters". I , having some liquid courage, got irritated and said no.

Shitty people cheat, not all women. They got annoyed saying that's not what I meant, strong women like you two wouldn't cheat. I don't consider myself strong, maybe just having morals or something like that. I said it's not because I'm "strong" i'm just not a shitty person (I like to think I'm not at least)

I love my boyfriend, I shared multiple stories throughout the evening about him, he would have been there but he had to work.

Later on, one of the two, started talking to me as me as I was leaving. He said "We don't have to tell your bf about tonight" with a little wink. I stared in utter disbelief like "Dude he knows where I am and who I'm with, I'm not going to do shit with you" and left with my sister.

Like how did he think that was going to work and why would he, if he was sooo traumatized from his cheating ex, try to get someone to cheat on their SO?

I do not understand.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/freyavulpine on 2023-08-11 23:15:14.

Because honestly what the fuck? As if drink spiking wasn’t bad enough, we have to worry now about men stabbing us with hidden needles containing god knows what? Thank fuck one of our friends was with her at the time and managed to convince her to get in the taxi home he called for her.

This is such an insidious, calculated, EVIL thing to do to someone. This happened to ANOTHER one of my friends a few months ago too!!!! They said they randomly felt extremely drunk on a night out to the point of vomiting and passing out. When they woke up both of them had tiny circular bruises with a clear needle point in the centre.

I want to cry. Why do we have to worry about this happening???

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/zelozelos on 2023-08-11 20:07:11.

(Also, yes, Mt. Rushmore shouldn't exist. It was designed by a white supremacist on a sacred mountain in the Black Hills, illegally taken from the Sioux Nation)

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/acidk00laid on 2023-08-11 18:52:02.

I am very much a student of intersectional feminism and have found it leading my interest in sexism as a whole. Having many male friends and basic empathy I had found myself interested in how the patriarchy effects men too. I believe to help women we must help men too (and all our non cis friends as well) we can’t advance feminism by just focusing on cis women.

But my goodness am I tired of sticking up for men while the majority just don’t think deeply enough about their problems. Even my most liberal and open minded friends will think shallowly about mens issues. I had a close friend send me a tiktok (short video) a montage of men saying they don’t have anyone to call at their lowest. I was a little offended as this friend regularly comes to me for comfort and talks to me daily about his feelings. He then says this issue is that it’s a mens issue and so it can’t be fixed cause most men won’t help each other - why so scared of learning from women?

Another friend went on about how men are most likely to die at work and make up the majority of the army and they are more likely to be in physically dangerous jobs. This is a more conservative friend, and has once said men should protect women as they are stronger.

Men love to talk about how they are oppressed and how society has hurt them but refuse to think deeper about it. They will complain that men die more in the workplace without acknowledging that women (who are, I believe 70% less stronger on average than men) have been actively discouraged from those job roles. The same men who whine that no one is there for them, are the same men who will avoid letting others talk about their feelings.

I’m tired of giving men empathy for their very real issues only for them to cite statistics with the sole purpose of saying “men have it worse than women” rather than to have a fruitful conversation.

I will continue to learn about mens issues in private but I won’t be talking to men about it anymore.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/lokihen on 2023-08-11 20:49:34.

Ex-bf I haven't seen in 20 years. Amicable split so usually we send a happy birthday email on the respective days, but not friends anymore. Today he sent a 'missing you' email, to which I replied that I just came in from witnessing the bloodbath of my neighbor's pet ducks that were mauled by a dog. Hint: I'm not in the mood.

He replies 'I want you'. WTF? I just can't. Dropping the rope and walking away from my laptop now.

Going to see if neighbors need any more help.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Layla_hart on 2023-08-11 19:15:43.

Firstly: I posted this a year ago. My situation hasn't changed a bit. I could use some useful advice.

I (37F) am friends with Aziz (37M) and have been for Years. He's practically my best friend who happens to be a guy.

Everything is pretty chill between us but the only problem is that I'm poor. I'm working minimum wage and know that paying the high rent here (Washington) would destroy my life. I've been kicked out of my previous apartment 2 (Close to 3 years, now) years ago and when Aziz got to know of this he invited me to live with him. I didn't feel safe at first even tho he was my friend but that was the only way I'd get a roof over my head and something decent to eat.

It's been 2 years and more and things haven't changed a bit. I'm still earning borderline poverty and can't afford even half the rent that Aziz's apartment costs. What makes me uncomfortable is that I've lived here for 2+ years rent free and actually had accepted that I'd be kicked out when Aziz runs out of generosity. But, it never happened. It's as if me living here rent free doesn't cause any problems to him.

Another friend of mine is also aware if my situation. She said that if it were her, I wouldn't get to live for more than 4 months with her without contributing something. I was told that Aziz might just want in my pants and that's why he lets me live with him. That's a big fear of mine

But I think I know why he's letting me live and doesn't mind having me rent free. It's because he has a pretty high income and is living a middle class life dispite having the capacity for more. 3000$ rent doesn't mean that much to him when he's probably making 200K Anually (Or 180K at the very least) as a Finance Director (I asked him his profession and googled their salary). And here I am that will go broke if I even contribute 1500$ monthly.

I'm also feeling like such a burden. I'm a grown adult and am being supported by my Friend and contributing nothing to his life. I once mustered up the courage to ask if he's having any problems regarding rent with me staying with him and if he'd like me to contribute something (It didn't necessarily have to be money but anything like Washing, cleaning or cooking. But he has a house keeper for that). He replied:

"No, it's fine. I can afford it. Don't worry about it"

I'm just feeling so pathetic. I can't support myself and have to rely on my friend. You could say it's because we have a strong friends bond. But, we're just friends. I haven't ever done anything for him which would justify him helping me out like this. At one point, I decided to just stop living with him but it's impossible to just leave when everything is going so perfectly and staying here Means that I'll never have to worry about a place to live. Unless he straight up tells me to leave, I can't bring myself to take such a massive step. I just don't wanna be a burden or a irresponsible friend or take advantage of his kindness.

My question is, besides the fact that he has the Means to, why is he letting me stay rent free?

What should I do in my situation?

Is there actually anything I could do or contribute to justify staying here besides money (mind you, I'm borderline poor)?

It's heart breaking that between my last time posting this same post in September 2022 and now, nothing has changed. Except for my mental health. I feel like garbage. I want to just leave and become homeless than feeling this pathetic. Trust me, being someone's platonic dependant feels like crap.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Plantoholic-T on 2023-08-11 18:02:30.

I hate my husband. We have been together for almost 17 years, but these last years he has been centered on work and status, nice cars, his physical appearance and he is just plain obsessed. Nothing is good enough, he will always find something to complain about. Always negative. He didn't always use to be this way. Sure he complained sometimes, but who doesn't, right? It's just these last years it is only increasing and getting worse. I've told him several times over the years I really can't take this anymore. In the winter time we attributed it to seasonal affective disorder, as it does get a lot worse during those months. He told me in April he feels like he only stays with me out of convenience. We had a talk then and both felt like we should still give it a try after all these years together. Went to couples therapy, only to learn he most likely has untreated ADHD, which is something I also brought up several times over the years. At the end of May I told him I couldn't do it anymore and wanted a divorce.. he had a complete meltdown, crying, begging, threatening suicide even. We tried a split where he left the house for a few weeks. I started to miss him, so he moved back in(I think I really missed the companionship, someone to share with) We had an amazing day at a family party. Only 2 days later he tells me he's not sure anymore and went back to his mom. Since then he has been going back and forth between his mother's house and our house, stopping in occasionally to have dinner together or sleep here for a night (I did not have sex with him).. I really physically and mentally can not stand to be around him anymore. The problem is I don't want to be the person to break it off again, because I'm afraid of how he may react. When I told him just yesterday that he can't just go back and forth when it pleases him, he very sternly told me 'this is still my house as well.' We both own the house, although I did invest about € 50.000 more than him and will most likely buy him out if we divorce. I'm just trying to keep the peace, but also be as unpleasant and unappealing as possible, so he will take the final step and I don't have to be 'the bad guy' and deal with his over the top reaction. I've tried to tell him twice and he has threatened to leave the country and abandon our child and the other time tried to take a very dramatic overdose of pills (wasn't nearly enough and he just fell asleep). I just feel so tired of pretending. I look so forward to the period when this is done and I can be myself, hang out with friends, get a tattoo that says 'eggshell free', have fun with my son without anyone commenting or getting angry over small things..' it's just not that simple. I'm trying to take a slow but safe approach..

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Still-Nectarine-793 on 2023-08-11 17:03:59.

For context, we’ve been together for 8 years, we have three young children (age 6,5,and 1). I have borderline personality disorder and my mental health has really been on a nose dive for several years. I’m tired a lot, I’m cranky a lot, I feel like my body is always sore or sick or just not working. My husband is fantastic at letting me rest and taking all the kids on his own sometimes. He is usually very supportive and encouraging . He works from home and I’ve always been a SAHM/homeschool mom and I know how privileged I am to have so much help.

Today our oldest made a funny remark about how “daddies cook breakfast and mommies sleep” and I said “that’s right, girls are sleepy our bodies make other bodies and it’s a hard job” and my husband got upset and said he doesn’t want him to have the same dynamic as us and he wants his wife to take care of him.

I try my best to keep up with the housework and the cooking. It’s not always perfect and sometimes the house gets ignored for a few days but eventually I pull it all back together. My husband offers to cook a lot so I let him even though I know he doesn’t like it . But I thought I was doing pretty okay but over the years theres been little passive aggressive comments here and there. About how I’m lazy and all I do is sleep and I can never seem to handle the kids on my own. He says I take a toll on him because he’s always stressed that I’m not okay. We almost separated a few years ago and I think this stems from the guilt he has about past things he has done and fear that I’ll leave.

I just don’t know how much more I can do. Our intimate life is great and I thought we had a good relationship and friendship but these comments don’t come from nowhere. He has to have bitterness towards me to say these things, right? His mother is a very “clean after and feed your husband and submit to him “ type of lady and I think maybe he is starting to have resentment that I’m not? I was great at it for awhile but since 2020 I can not get my grove back. I’ve gained significant weight, my body is broken from three pregnancies and c sections, my mental health is a roller coaster and I feel like a failure.

I want to be better but I don’t know how. I don’t know where I’m missing the mark

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Lovely5596 on 2023-08-11 17:33:26.

I recently lost my voice and it was eye opening about some minor annoyances in my marriage. Granted my husband is also sick, but I noticed that he doesn’t look at me very often and there are certain things where if I don’t ask (“nag”) him to do it, it won’t get done. That and his idea of making me feel sexy is just grabbing my boobs. These aren’t insurmountable problems but I have noticed lately I’m not super happy in my marriage. Regardless, I found myself thinking things like, “well at least he doesn’t rape me,” or “thankful he’s not cheating on me while I’m pregnant or manipulating me in some horrible way.” I mentally conjure all the stuff I read here to compare him to, but it’s like comparing a small waste paper basket to a flaming dumpster of dirty diapers or something. Regardless I think we could benefit from couples counseling.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Four_beastlings on 2023-08-11 17:32:29.

"All I did was being nice to him and now this male character won't stop hitting on me/thinks we are in a relationship!"

Welcome to a woman's life, buddy...

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Tea_is_served on 2023-08-11 16:27:23.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now. In this time I used an IUD as contraceptive and no condoms (Yeah I know STDs, but we were both dumb virgins eight years ago).

We talked marriage and kids and are on the same page: Yes, both of those in the next couple of years tops.

Now the thing is my IUD is due to be removed next spring and I don't want to use hormonal contraceptives anymore. We are not sure if we want to actively start trying by then, but we agree that it would be okay if I happened to get pregnant.

I don't want medical advice on how safe condoms are as contraceptive and how to use them right (and how it was kinda risky not to use them until now STD wise).

I want to hear your experience with using condoms only: How do you feel after quitting hormonal contraceptives? Or maybe: What's annoying about condoms? Stuff like that!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/MayaMiaMe on 2023-08-11 16:38:59.

Seriously some of you need to just STFU.

I am so sick of reading comment from men about things that only women can understand because it is our fucking body!

I am so sick of these men coming here and commenting like they are so enlightened. Let me tell you something boys !

Even the most enlightened of you switch to being misogynistic pigd the min something happens that you don't like. Be it by raising your voice or making a misogynistic statement that just happened to slip out and gives you away when you are angry.

I am so tired of reading comments on here from some of you and I instantly know they are from a man! Because no you don't know what it is tlike to be a woman and you never will.

Most of us come here because this is supposed to be a safe space for women where we can talk to one another as WOMEN!

I don't go to men spaces and pretend I understand men and give them my opinion on what they can do with their body or why! Never even crossed my mind. This is why I don't know why you guys think it is ok to do it here. To be honest it is fucking cringe.

Last time I replied to some asshole that was picking on something a woman wrote on here they promptly summoned the suicide bot because they didn't want to hear it.

So here is my advice for all you men coming into womens spaces acting like you know what is like to be one of us because you wore a sac of flour around for a week when you were in highschool to symulate what is like to be pregnant.

LISTEN AND KEEP QUIET.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Pennyfeather46 on 2023-08-11 16:16:36.

The book was “My shadow is purple.” It was from the school book fair and the class voted that she should read it. Georgia has a new law that requires parental permission for “questionable” books in the classroom. Last year she was the “Teacher of the Year” for her teaching style. I just don’t know where to start.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/BurtonDesque on 2023-08-11 16:07:50.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/bunnytryingreddit on 2023-08-11 13:04:35.

I'm getting tired of all these girls and women praising hormone free methods on social media, explaining how to live in tune with your cycle during the month.

Don't get me wrong, it's amazing the copper IUD and condoms exist. I'm not talking about these anti-contraception methods.

I'm talking about the calendar method, for example. Which might work for certain women, those with the for me unreachable super regular 28-day cycles.

Sometimes I just feel so much less of a woman because my cycle is unreliable (and I have PMDD on top of that) but social media expects me to catch butterflies and jump around the flower field during my ovulation and eat soup and avoid social events during my menstruation. I get anxiety from these expectations that are absolutely unrealistic and unachievable for me.

I'm 22, I've been menstruating for more than 10 years. My cycle has never been regular. Sometimes it's around 30 to 40 days, sometimes 27 days, and sometimes 70 days.

I despised the pill because I was influenced by social media, stating I wouldn't feel like myself anymore, that I wouldn't be in touch with my intuition anymore. And probably this can be the case for some women, which is why it's great hormone-free methods exist.

But we shouldn't create this image of a mythological woman, who lives by the cycles of the moon, in tune with nature and everything. It would be great to get there, but for most of us it's impossible, be that because of biological factors or simply because of the capitalistic productivity-driven society we live in.

These influencers who praise the calender method never talk about it's failure, never talk about two lines on the pregnancy test and fear while contacting the abortion clinic. Yet this is the reality, sadly.

I've been taking the pill for a month now after I had an unplanned pregnancy and abortion in June. I'm not 100% happy with it (breakthrough bleeding) but my body and soul are reacting mostly positively to it.

The work these influencers do might be good to give an alternative voice. But are dangerous too.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/jackieechan111 on 2023-08-11 13:15:37.

So, I work in a building where the bathrooms are down a long hallway and require key access. I was in a hurry today, and had to change my pad quickly between clients ( I'm a physio), and I did so in the staff room. I rolled the used sanitary pad quickly and put it in the bin (no lid). Unfortunately, I had started to unravel, but I made sure the bloody side was down and I put the wrapper of the new napkin on top to hide it.

APPARENTLY, it totally unraveled and the bloody side was smeared all over the inside of the white bin bag.

So... ok, I wasn't meant to be seen like that. And it was unfortunate that the bin bag was white. But I was asked to apologise to everyone of staff who would've seen it, and that I'm sorry and it won't happen again.

But now I'm thinking, if it was just some bloody tissues of someone having cut their finger (or whatever) would they be expected to wrap it up or dispose of it in the public bathroom than the staff room bin? Why should it be such a shocker to see a bloody sanitary pad any more than bloody waste from another body part?

This train of thought has become a bit philosophical for me.... and I'm annoyed (AGAIN) that we ladies have to be inconvenienced every month for this.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/FlagshipHuman on 2023-08-11 13:04:44.

Just a thought in response to the increasing hatred for women who choose to not have children or choose to not get married.

It’s my life; why are you getting all worked up, posting news articles, shooting YouTube videos, and making podcasts lmao.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/pastisprologue on 2023-08-11 11:30:13.

I have two long-time friends, both previously obese, who have had gastric bands put on ~9 months ago. We don't see each other all the time but always have a good catch up when we can. They were both really conscientious and have smashed it out of the park - they've lost tons of weight and look like they feel great. Last time I saw each of them I could tell I didn't quite say the right things based on their reactions (mild, but noticeable). I did feel awkward & wanted to congratulate them and acknowledge the accomplishment but think I made them feel uncomfortable. I've been pretty much the same weight my whole adult life so don't have first hand experience to draw on.

Can anyone please offer suggestions of what to avoid saying, and compliments that are nice?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/heathcoffee on 2023-08-11 11:22:20.

My grandma’s health has taken a turn for the worse & she’s been given 1-2 weeks to live. I immediately bought a plane ticket and am now sitting in a hotel room, wide awake and anxiously waiting for 8a so I can go see her.

I’m scared to see her in such health. She has always been so active, an absolute saint, the most patient and loving person I’ve ever met. I’m scared because I don’t know what to say to her. I have so many questions. I never asked about her life enough and now I want to know it all but due to her being incoherent most of time, I’m afraid that’s not possible now.

My grandmother came out as lesbian 35 years ago and has been with the same woman for all of those years. However, 10 years ago my immediate family (dad, mom, siblings) passed away in a tragic and fatal car wreck. Our local piece of shit newspaper (in our heavily religious town) wrote an article on the front page the following morning saying my grandmother was to blame because she was lesbian and god was punishing her.

Since then, she stopped sharing a bed with her girlfriend. She no longer claims to be lesbian. The romance fizzled and died and they have since been just roommates. She’s clung to god and attends church, reads the Bible regularly, and gives every last penny to the church, even though it has made her broke and poor.

It’s heartbreaking. I want to tell her the accident wasn’t her fault. I should have told her long ago but didn’t know how to approach it. I’m ashamed of how cowardly I’ve been.

But now she is on her death bed. And I want to tell her. But is now even the time? I don’t want to upset her but I also think she needs to feel at peace with that.

Besides that question, I also wanted to ask what should I talk about with her? Im so lost right now. Any words of advice would mean so much to me.