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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Plantoholic-T on 2023-08-11 18:02:30.
I hate my husband. We have been together for almost 17 years, but these last years he has been centered on work and status, nice cars, his physical appearance and he is just plain obsessed. Nothing is good enough, he will always find something to complain about. Always negative. He didn't always use to be this way. Sure he complained sometimes, but who doesn't, right? It's just these last years it is only increasing and getting worse. I've told him several times over the years I really can't take this anymore. In the winter time we attributed it to seasonal affective disorder, as it does get a lot worse during those months. He told me in April he feels like he only stays with me out of convenience. We had a talk then and both felt like we should still give it a try after all these years together. Went to couples therapy, only to learn he most likely has untreated ADHD, which is something I also brought up several times over the years. At the end of May I told him I couldn't do it anymore and wanted a divorce.. he had a complete meltdown, crying, begging, threatening suicide even. We tried a split where he left the house for a few weeks. I started to miss him, so he moved back in(I think I really missed the companionship, someone to share with) We had an amazing day at a family party. Only 2 days later he tells me he's not sure anymore and went back to his mom. Since then he has been going back and forth between his mother's house and our house, stopping in occasionally to have dinner together or sleep here for a night (I did not have sex with him).. I really physically and mentally can not stand to be around him anymore. The problem is I don't want to be the person to break it off again, because I'm afraid of how he may react. When I told him just yesterday that he can't just go back and forth when it pleases him, he very sternly told me 'this is still my house as well.' We both own the house, although I did invest about € 50.000 more than him and will most likely buy him out if we divorce. I'm just trying to keep the peace, but also be as unpleasant and unappealing as possible, so he will take the final step and I don't have to be 'the bad guy' and deal with his over the top reaction. I've tried to tell him twice and he has threatened to leave the country and abandon our child and the other time tried to take a very dramatic overdose of pills (wasn't nearly enough and he just fell asleep). I just feel so tired of pretending. I look so forward to the period when this is done and I can be myself, hang out with friends, get a tattoo that says 'eggshell free', have fun with my son without anyone commenting or getting angry over small things..' it's just not that simple. I'm trying to take a slow but safe approach..