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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Still-Nectarine-793 on 2023-08-11 17:03:59.
For context, we’ve been together for 8 years, we have three young children (age 6,5,and 1). I have borderline personality disorder and my mental health has really been on a nose dive for several years. I’m tired a lot, I’m cranky a lot, I feel like my body is always sore or sick or just not working. My husband is fantastic at letting me rest and taking all the kids on his own sometimes. He is usually very supportive and encouraging . He works from home and I’ve always been a SAHM/homeschool mom and I know how privileged I am to have so much help.
Today our oldest made a funny remark about how “daddies cook breakfast and mommies sleep” and I said “that’s right, girls are sleepy our bodies make other bodies and it’s a hard job” and my husband got upset and said he doesn’t want him to have the same dynamic as us and he wants his wife to take care of him.
I try my best to keep up with the housework and the cooking. It’s not always perfect and sometimes the house gets ignored for a few days but eventually I pull it all back together. My husband offers to cook a lot so I let him even though I know he doesn’t like it . But I thought I was doing pretty okay but over the years theres been little passive aggressive comments here and there. About how I’m lazy and all I do is sleep and I can never seem to handle the kids on my own. He says I take a toll on him because he’s always stressed that I’m not okay. We almost separated a few years ago and I think this stems from the guilt he has about past things he has done and fear that I’ll leave.
I just don’t know how much more I can do. Our intimate life is great and I thought we had a good relationship and friendship but these comments don’t come from nowhere. He has to have bitterness towards me to say these things, right? His mother is a very “clean after and feed your husband and submit to him “ type of lady and I think maybe he is starting to have resentment that I’m not? I was great at it for awhile but since 2020 I can not get my grove back. I’ve gained significant weight, my body is broken from three pregnancies and c sections, my mental health is a roller coaster and I feel like a failure.
I want to be better but I don’t know how. I don’t know where I’m missing the mark