this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2024
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ITT: Bunch of assholes telling you "have you tried to NOT having a cold" when your nose is clearly leaking.
If you don't understand how it feels to be lonely, any advice you give is awful and full of entitlement.
Maybe it's just my own bias, but I assumed the advice comes from people who have been or are lonely, and are talking about what helped them.
The worst depths of loneliness I've had were when I lived in a country where I didn't speak the language well, and was in a tiny, tiny town. The way I got out of it was threefold. One was being kinder to myself. I indulged myself in just being alone. Watching movies on my laptop and trying my hand at creative writing, which I had always wanted to do, but hadn't done. The second was getting into better physical shape. Even half assing it made me feel better: I'm a biologist so I can attest to the fact that one's mental health improves with a little healthier physical body, if it's possible. Finally...I just had to be comfortable being awkward. I was the bizarre foreigner who didn't understand customs or the language, and even when I had assholes being kind of a jerk... Whatever! I just did my thing, went to social events as regularly as I could stomach (once a week ish), and was surprised at how after a month or so, things really did turn around. I found asking questions to be a way to get to know people and places. Other people love to talk and answer questions, even when you didn't ask a question: as we've all seen in this thread.
None of that is to say it will work for everyone, or even anyone else.... But I understand the pain of loneliness. So if sharing my experience can help anyone, please grant me some leniency if I'm being a tone deaf jerk, because that's not my intent!
It's true that I know most most of advices from this thread. I'm also know that I should to use them, and I try but it's hard IRL. Sometimes I just break up like today and every answer to me is like getting in contact with some human. Satisfy some social need idk
Well here's another reply from a human. I saw your post, you're not alone.
I understand, sometimes you just need to scream and rant. It is a good thing.
When I get anxiety this hard, I usually take a very long walk until I get exhausted, so I could think for myself instead of hearing my subconscious how awful things are.
After taking a break, you'll notice that this voice is always emotional, with 0 logic, full of exaggerated negativity, and will try to convince you that "this is how you die today", which is pretty much bullshit and incredibly unrealistic. For me at least, that voice will always try focus on the worst in people. When I feel alone is pretty much this.
Sometimes I get a crazy though like telling me "you're done, dead, there is no going back" for something so trivial as remembering I have to take the dog out tomorrow (not now or yesterday, tomorrow). There is no win unless you ignore it and push through. And even if you commit, it's still fucking hard.
In the ADHD community, a lot of sound advice for building good habits and coping mechanisms overlaps a lot with "just don't have ADHD" advice because the advice still works, even if it's significantly harder to pull off with ADHD.
There's less overlap for depression, but there still is some between sound advice and "just don't be sad lol".
I'm sure there's some overlap in this case for lonliness.
One of the tough things about this stuff is that it is very easy to convince yourself that nobody understands what you're going through, so when you don't see immediate results from advice that means they're just wrong and there's nothing you can do. The most important piece of advice is to never give up.
All that said, if everyone in this thread is giving bad advice that shows they don't understand, you're implying that you do understand. So where's your advice?
Or did you just comment to discourage people from trying to help and leave OP to suffer?
Sure dude, both discouraging people from "helping" (lol) and leaving OP to suffer are obviously the same thing. /s
First of all: OP didn't ask for advice. Second: I'm discouraging people from giving bad advice.
I can relate to OPs suffering. I know is though, and I undestand on my own experience how OP feels. I know that the only solution for it's like another commenter said: "get used to it". OP probably knows this too.
With some projection from me, I can assume he's only trying to rant over this, thats why OP ~~asked~~ said it on this sub. That's why he hasn't answered other comments beside hobbies. OP is trying to relate to people this way.
So when people show up full of self-indulgence thinking "OP ~NEEDS~ MY ADVICE", then it’s clear those comments are more for themselves than for OP. So congrats, you’ve given yourselves a pat on the back. If that’s your attitude, you can fuck off.
Yeah, many of these "advices" are as useful as a Chinese fortune cookie. They're just not applicable. I bet theres another 2 coming with "get a hobby or meet up" dude