That's when you pull Nick Swarsdson's wrist watch bit. "Hey man I can't read my watch, can you read my watch?"

"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"

"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"

"Cool; I'll just take it right over to the pawn shop then"

"Oh that's cute, does it have a Spring Drive tho?"

Oh cool. Mine is made out of wood and leather and cost ten bucks. I've had it for two decades and my dad had it for four. It's really comfortable and loses a second a decade. How's yours do?

Smile really big and start laughing. Maintain the smile, maintain eye contact.

“Why would I own a car? Our public transportation works fine. Or a watch, since I can already see the time from my mobile phone.”

Calling someone a fairy is a quick way to win an argument

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"I don't have a car"

"Ok?"

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.

And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio, but it's heavy and gaudy. I guess money can't buy taste.

You paid that much for a watch that looks like you steal from your grandad?

laughs gently and sighs

"This is a six ounce cup of bath water from a YouTube influencer..."

"It's not my fault you're stupid"

get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.

optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.

"Didn't ask"

Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.

I'd just start laughing and point at them.

"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"

good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then