Because Biden is catholic
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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One thing I've learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game
As a vampire, he has to drink the blood of a pontif to remain a daywalker.
He should now sparkle in the sun for another...6-8 weeks before needing to feed again.
Sparkling vice president was not on my political bingo card for this administration.
Sure didn't see this one coming, ironically. Before the pope had passed away I commented this on another post.
Bet the poor Pope couldn't even attend because in addition to his health issues he must have felt the evil pressure oozing from Vance.
Welp, poor Francis. He was a good one, and difficult to replace especially in these uncertain times.
The silver lining is that he really made his last big act in life to admonish Vance, and by extension the Trump admin, about their wrongdoing. He has my gratitude for that.
He thought it was the seat of Catholic power and was driven to a frenzy.
Because Elon wanted it. Vance doesn't have an ounce of initiative in his body. He doesn't need a reason other than his boss asked him.
The Pope cried out “take me JC!”
Unfortunately his right hand man is a bit hard of hearing, and let JD into the room…
Because he's evil. And the pope publicly gave him a lecture. Made him look smaller than he already did.
Given the conservative drift of major institutions over the past year or so whoever they pick for the new Pope is probably less likely to excommunicate him
We’ll see how it goes but Francis chose a supermajority of the current Cardinals. With the exception of Cardinal Pizzaballa, I don’t know any of their names, much less their views.
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I don't know the why but the first thing I said when I found out was "Polonium".
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killed him to further the prophecy that this is the end times.
JD got over excited by how the pontiff choose to couch his words.
JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.
If you're in the vatican, what else is there to do?
Because the pope deadnamed him.
James Donald Bowman is a massive cuck and deserves to be reminded off his biological father for as long as people in the USA can't choose which gender they prefer.
The flu of America*
Tap for spoiler
*Formerly known as influenza or Spanish Flu.
He spoke Spanish
Homie has a problem with decency and people following the word of Jesus, despite publicly saying he is a Christian.
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Because he didn't say "thank you" clearly
Couldn't hear the safe word through the ball gag.
He killed the pope then a couple days later started up a Muslim terror attack on Hindus so all the worlds major religions are at war
I mean I don't think I know Vance killed him. See Trump can make stuff up why can't we.
Fancy papal couches that were unfuckable.
I asked ChatGPT to explain why JD Vance would kill the pope and it cited articles at me to tell me that JD Vance did not, in fact, kill the pope. I even tried to get it to doubt itself and it doubled down. If I have to live in slop world, I should at least be able to have fun with it :(
I THOUGHT this was FAKE NEWS but I'm seeing it All Over Facebook so it MUST be True that JD Vance KILLED the Pope!
-Republicans who Do Their Own Research and STILL Love Trump!
So a conclave power struggle is set off behind the scenes to try to install Cardinal Burke so that they have one less institution to get in the way
Being anywhere in Trump's orbit speeds up your trajectory towards death like Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Donald Trump is, essentially, a biological version of "The Machine" from The Princess Bride pushed to 50.
Since the pope was only secondarily contaminated, the process was slower, but he was already so close to death as it is.
The pope told JD that no one in the tRump regime, or any other self-proclaimed christian in the USA was anything near being a christian. Per Matthew 25:40-45
Well the Pope ghosted JD, so JD obviously ghosted the Pope.
Probably sitting on a couch he found really attractive and got jealous.
Truth is, he wasn't trying to. Vance wanted to show off his zombie Jesus costume, but it turned out to be a killer costume!
(I just wanted to throw something in that isn't the same jokes everyone else is making)
Jealousy.