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Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
Uhm, having someone care for you is not a "pathological mother figure".
People need this. Men need this. Asking for care is the most normal thing a person can do.
And then if something is actually wrong, there is a therapist.
Even people who have put the work into therapy need a loving attachment figure. It's healthy to be open and vulnerable when you need it.
All the battles you fought that day? Unless you are on the front line in Ukraine you should be able to find a more chill lifestyle.
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It's a shame there's still so much stigma around therapy.
"I dont need therapy, I just need to have a woman that reminds me of my mother and will fuck me"
"all the battles he fought that day"
jesus, stop romanticizing having to deal with life dude. guess what, everyone does.
what are the odds that this guy lost his shit at the man vs bear question.
Obviously the man is better than the bear - all he wants from the woman in the woods is for her to live a life of servitude to him as his psuedo mommy, wife, child producer and lover, because he has epic Viking battles he has to deal with…. of taking the trash to the curb, and waiting in traffic to get to work, because therapy is too expensive, or feminine?
Lmao
That part got me too. All the battles? Your fucking tps reports are battles? The person at dunkin got your order wrong, is that another battle for the day?
This is that meme where the shriveled up dude says "Stop giving me your toughest battles" and Jesus just replies with something like "you literally just have to put the shopping cart back when you're done"
Women: "I want a guy in touch with his feelings."
Men: "I want a woman I can share my feelings with."
Internet people: "Women aren't your mommy, go see a therapist with your dumb feelings."
Me, too moron to interact with human: "Hello kitty, wanna watch King Of the Hill again? Me too, I'll get the blanket."
The guy in the screenshot is not in touch with his feelings.
Yeah, in touch with your feelings != dumping your feelings out of a firehose at a partner who's expected to just soak them all up once a week, then pretending they don't exist the rest of the time.
It's a gradient, but this particular case is distasteful because the man is expecting his partner to do literally free therapy, rather than work with a professional. It's more akin to treating your partner as an emotional dumping ground than opening up.
If this is happening in the context of a more equitable relationship, where they both take turns supporting each other, then it's totally different, though.
It doesn't even sound like he wants free therapy. He wants a woman to kiss him on the head and tell him what a good boy he is and how hard he worked, while ignoring any problems he might have. I don't see a therapist's role as "nurturing and restoring" unless you're dating them.
Sorry, not sorry. If he begins this with "Men do not need a therapist." (And many men do) And then declare that the women men need be soft and caring while verbally presenting the man as a hero who fights his daily battles... that's just toxic bullshit as fuck.
I'm okay with somebody accepting and wanting traditional gender roles, everyone's got their own taste in potential partners and need to find the person right for them.
But declaring what "men" need and then demanding not only traditional but toxically overblown gender roles for everyone is just... BAH! And the disapproval for therapy, or telling "men" that they don't need therapy, only a mommy, when many of us do indeed need therapy... that's just indicative of the most bullshit incel-alpha-baby-needs-a-mommy mindset.
If you're a guy and in touch with your feelings (like me, for example), yes, lean on your partner if you need to and they are okay with it. If you are an emotional person, be emotional. But don't demand or expect to just be able to vomit your shit on your partner and they being okay with it and then cleaning the corner of your mouth with a tissue... Your partner is not free therapy, do not treat them like somebody providing a service.
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy Alex is on about.
Men can always care for each other and stop expecting women to do all the work.
Yeah this is something I’ve been trying to walk the talk about.
I joined an adults sports league and have a few friends I call almost daily on rotation (whether they want it or not lol) and I’ve started feeling a lot more fulfilled and less anxious.
Most of those friends expect my calls now, and I get questioned if I can’t make it to a practice or game. It feels good to have your presence desired, whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship. There’s an epidemic of men who think that that void can only be filled with a lover.
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men "fighting battles" in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don't need comfort after their daily battles... and wouldn't that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It's true. As soon as I'm out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
Also I guess gay men don't exist. But would not be surprised someone with such a bad take also has bad ideas about queerness
You are correct. People with these attitudes would prefer gay men to not exist.
As a guy, when I was younger, I jumped from relationship to relationship looking for that exact thing. You know what I got for my trouble? Nothing.
So, during my college years, I spent time by myself, learning how to get by and be okay with surviving without relying on anyone else. It was a farce of course because I was in school, not going to work, but it was close enough.
I got into the workforce and all of the things I forced myself to learn to be independent from literally everyone, was the pivot point where I was able to stabilize my life and start dating.
After a while I knew I didn't want someone who needed me. I wanted someone who 100% could do everything that they needed to do on their own, but wanted me around anyways.
I found what I was looking for. I put a ring on it.
I don't worry when she goes out in her vehicle that she bought with her own money for her own purposes, that she's going to go find someone "better" because neither of us care about what's "better" than whatever else. I don't have to worry that she'll call and say she needs money because x, y, or z. She has her own money she made, that she can spend however she wants.
We split household costs, we enjoy eachother company and we value that we aren't relied on by the other for everything. It goes both ways.
As things have gone, the line between "mine" and "hers" has blurred to the point that, unless it's a high dollar value item, it's just ours. Because bothering to remember who paid for what is a waste of time and effort. Cars, yes, anything else? Probably not.
I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it's dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.
There is a disconnect between people noticing that love is not unconditional, and thinking love is completely transactional.
Of course if love is never useful for one of the participating parties involved, then this/their love will fade. But people interpret this fact in the way that love should always be exactly as useful for all parties involved all the time.
But in reality, it should be fine if sometimes maybe one side is more selfish, less giving, sometimes the other side. Sometimes one side gives more emotional support, but the other side is more physically caring. And so on. Love doesn't need to be perfectly equal, it just needs to make all parties involved better than if they were without the love.
But when you're very competitive and selfish, and it's hard to quantify each person's usefulness to each other, it's easy to always think that what you give is more than what someone else gives. Constantly having arguments about how you think things should be.
Women aren't paid enough to be both your bangmaid and your therapist.
How about if you're their bangmaid and therapist right back? Sounds like a good deal to me
Twitter is where discourse goes to die
My dude has a point. Dudes need to figure out how to talk about their issues rather than expecting whatever woman is nearest to be their mom.
I need therapy. I also need intimacy. Since I cannot find intimacy, I am trying to make do with therapy.
¿Por qué no los dos?
Someone who would lay down in bed with me and hold me while I cry would be a tremendous help to my mental health, but a therapist would be real nice, too. Too bad it's a five-month wait to get in to see one around here.
We all need a caring person to nurture and restore our energy. This is a fundamental part of loving someone. Your parents do it when you're young but that does not mean you stop needing it.
Both of these posters are toxic in different ways.
If you dont want to both provide and receive caring, nurturing, and intimacy, as needed in a relationship, stay single.
That is the entire point. "to have and to hold" isn't a nearly universal marriage vow for nothing, even if it's a lie when said by many of either sex.
Sadly, as with virtually everything in society, relationships and marriage after a lovely but brief enlightened period are regressing back to a transactional business arrangement and not something based in mutual love, warts and all. Sucks to suck.
Going from "men need intimacy" to "manchild wants a mommy" is toxic masculinity on the second guy's part.
Why is he genderizing therapy? Do men not have brains?
I'm a man. I don't need therapy because I don't want to. That's different. I need therapy, I just don't want to.
There are men (and entire cultures) that think having psychical problems is a weakness, makes you a weak man and most fear being weak, what ironically makes them weak.
Women, on the other hand, are seen as the weak gender by default, so there it's less of a problem.
I don't think therapy is a particularly good substitute for having loved ones you can be intimate with. Nor is relationships necessarily tools for learning to deal with every dysfunction that one could have.
