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One day, I missed a train. The next one had to stop one short of my home station due to "personell damages" or something similar, which I didn't really grasp, but I was annoyed that I had to take a detour to get home.
I later found out that a guy at my home station jumped in front of the train I was supposed to get.
Just a few
I am unsettled indeed
When I was in the emergency services, I was first or among the first on scene to serious mass casualty events on multiple occasions. The most any of them got in the news was local papers and traffic disruption reports, because unless it's terrorism the nationals aren't interested. If any of us died in a car crash tomorrow, the world wouldn't care.
My eye doctor murdered his boss's wife and waited on the couch beside her corpse for him to get home. He got beaten the shit out of before he could kill his boss and the cops arrested him shortly after the beating.
My orthodontist had been high school band buddies with my parents, so when I needed braces 6 used him.
A few years later, his wife suspected him of cheating, so she hired a PI firm to follow him. They made the very stupid decision of telling her her was cheating on her in real time and where.
With her stepdaughter (his child) in the car, she drove to the hotel, confronted him, then ran over him 3 times. It was national news, and she got out of prison a few years ago.
I'm so sorry that some people in this thread have much worse nightmares than I have. I don't recall having any nightmares that you might call visually grotesque.
When I was in High School, I apparently discovered that looking at a person signals interest in the person, and that it's possible to look at something in this way on accident, or at least without conscious planning. From this I concluded into a mild obsession to basically be conscious of what I am looking at at almost every point in time. In hindsight, it feels kind of like the "you are now breathing manually" meme. This basically only happened with two people, along with it slightly reinforcing my bias against looking at girls, because I'm probably gay anyway, let them not get any ideas.* (this thought is completely stupid in any other way than being moderately considerate. it probably didn't do anything anyway, because I'm not very socially active and had approximately 1-2 friends.)
*(I cultivate an off-internet bonus genre of brainworms where being asexual reinforces my faux-antiquated fear of being perceived as attracted to someone, which may or may not make sense)
I knew someone whose death was ruled a suicide. I also know their roommate wasn't where they said they were the night it allegedly happened.
And that's all I know.
Actually I had something like that happen when I worked in the ER. It was thought the boyfriend killed her but nothing they could charge him with. I was in the room with him and he acted weird.
We also had a patient with Munchausen's syndrome and apparently she killed her child but nobody could prove it.
When I was a kid I found a bunch of puppies that had been skinned alive, I think I scared off whoever was doing it, one was half skinned and still alive and there was another one that had not been gotten to yet
This made me cry.
Yeah it was messed up for a little kid to find I had nightmares for a long time from it, we kept the live dog but he was never right in the head and ended up biting me and we had to put him down poor dog probably had PTSD
Did you adopt the half skinned one or the spared one? Did the former survive?
The half skinned one died shortly after I found him I kept the one that was not skinned
I beat somebody into a coma with their own gun.
I feel like you did he right thing.
When I was a kid (like 14-15) I would go on gangstalking forums and try to convince schitzophrenic people I was following them.
I had a friend a few blocks away growing up and we'd walk over to each other's house all the time. One day when I was 9 or 10 I was walking home and there were a dozen cop cars outside a house. Next door to them was another kid we knew but who was a grade above us so we weren't close.
When I got home I told my parents about all the police at this house. They did some digging around and turns out the guy who lived there was a child molester. I didn't really know what that meant at the time other than it was bad.
I still hope that the kid who lives next door wasn't one of the victims.
I have the suicide disease. The worse, TN2 version. That is not a sly term for mental illness, it's a nerve disorder that has pain so great that people kill themselves rather than face yet another day of it. I am rarely below 3 on the 1-10 pain scale (at 4 right now) and I've reached 10 more times than I can count. This is with medication keeping it at the level where I can function.
I am such a bad judge of pain that the trauma from my not realizing for half a week that I had kidney stones and not taking any painkillers and then being stuck first in a clinic and then the ER for 14 hours writing in agony until they finally decided I did, in fact, have kidney stones and gave me some fentanyl, caused severe trauma and gave me an eating disorder called ARFID, unrelated to body image issues, and I have not eaten solid food in a year and a half.
Explains a lot, doesn't it?
https://arizonapain.com/trigeminal-neuralgia-suicide-disease/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant/restrictive_food_intake_disorder
Hey, you asked.
P.S. If you try to give me medical advice over the internet, I may just block you. I am so fucking sick of that. And no, "I know you said you didn't want medical advice, but..." does not count as a way around that. And I am fucking sick of having to say that and having people ignore it too.
I know you said no advice, but have you tried jerking off a bunch?
Blocked so I can go look at porn uninterrupted.
Sorry to read that. But in some way I am almost relieved that you seem to finally know what caused your insanely severe case of ARFID. I remember when you were posting about your time at the Mayo clinic and the awful mismanagement there and was very sad and disappointed (not by you) that you were bombarded with enough armchair diagnostics to stop updating about your case.
When did you get diagnosed with TN2? And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?
Thanks. I don’t really feel relieved by it, mainly because it’s kind of irrelevant to the future, but it is what makes the most sense and it’s better than having no idea.
When did you get diagnosed with TN2?
I think about 10 years ago. Maybe 11 now. It might be genetic because my dad had TN1. But he got it in his 70s. It usually manifests itself at that age. I was in my late 30s.
And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?
That’s kind of complicated. A few weeks after it happened (January 2023) I started dry heaving every morning. That has been almost daily for me. Occasionally more than once. Then that March, I had this issue for about six weeks and then I was fine again until August. And other than at the Mayo Clinic when they totally numbed my mouth with a lidocaine-based compound, when I was able to manage a couple of bites of egg salad, that was the last time I had truly solid food. I’m also the smelling equivalent of a supertaster. I can smell cleaning fluid inside stores from when the custodians mopped the day before.
Working with a psychiatrist and doing RO DBT therapy, I am at a place where I can eat pretty much anything if I don’t have to chew or use any utensils and I have conditioned myself to just deal with the smells even if they are awful. I’m even able to cook for my kid now.
So I am in a much better place than I was even six months ago.
Damn, so sorry you're having to go through this. May the days be kind to you, friend.
Damn. You know flying squid, I've always looked up to you around here. I see you in a lot of posts and comments around and didn't realize you are in agony for most of the time.
