Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tough_Chocolate9963 on 2023-08-12 01:08:33.

I will try to be as direct as possible.

I (20F) always had a complicated relationship with my mother. Throughout my childhood, she always had problems with addiction. Basically, what I remember from my childhood with her is living with her until things got so bad that our family had to step in, moving in with them, my mom getting better, then moving back in with her only for her to get worse and the cycle to start all over again.

However, since I was 13 I live with my uncles, they are incredible and they have always been the parents I needed, but since then my mother has not asked me to stay with her again. My uncles always explained that she had a disease and her leaving me with them was proof of her love for me.

You can imagine that my relationship with her has always been complicated, but I've always tried to understand that this is something that is out of her control. In the last months, she's been on a good streak again, stopping all that shit, she's moved in with a new boyfriend and he seems to be someone that wants to help her out. We don't see each other much but I try to call her at least every 15 days, and my parents always try to report to me about her improvements.

However, last week, after a long time, she was the one that called me and asked me to go out. I tried not to get too excited because I already know what she's like, but at the same time, I was happy. When we met, she explained how her boyfriend has helped her to cut 100% contact with anyone who influences her to go back to addiction, and how she wants to be a better person. She even started therapy and went to rehab for a while. I said I was very happy and asked what finally motivated her to make that decision.

And then she told me that he helped her but that the big motivator that gave her strength is that they decided to start a family and that she wanted to meet me in person to let me know that she is pregnant. She said she needed to be better, to be present, and that is what is helping her focus on recovery.

It hurt me, you know? That they were worth it, but I wasn't. I decided to leave before our lunch was even over and ignored all forms of contact from her thereafter. As people say, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.

However, yesterday her boyfriend called me (I answered because I didn't have his number saved) and he started yelling at me, he said I was an asshole, that for him I would never have contact with his family, because apparently no one knows where my mom is and what hindered her improvement was my attitude. My grandparents are also angry with me and said that I am very irresponsible and that I didn't have emotional responsibility with someone very vulnerable. My parents said I didn't do anything wrong but I have my doubts.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Either_Art410 on 2023-08-11 23:20:01.

My sister-in-law is pregnant with her 5th daughter, and every time she gets pregnant throws out a certain name (let's say it's Nancy). My wife instantly has a problem with that name.

When my wife was younger, shortly after high school and well before we were together, she ended up getting pregnant. Her parents are devoutly religious, so she hid the pregnancy from them. About 7 months in, she miscarried, and ended up delivering the baby herself at home. It wasn't until later that her parents found out and the police became involved. For their paperwork, the had to give the baby a name, and my wife called it Nancy.

Healed from one of the most traumatic experiences of her life, the thought of her sister using the name that she had to use infuriates her, and causes her to shut down every time her sister has suggested it.

I'm currently texting with my my brother in law about it, my wife's sister's husband. I'm going to suggest that they don't use the name if they want us to be a part of their daughters' lives, because of not only having my wife relive the most traumatic experience of her life, but the disrespect they have towards her to use that name knowing what she's been through.

WIBTA for not being involved in their lives after this?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Due-Drawing9306 on 2023-08-11 23:51:06.

AITA For asking my husband to change our sons diapers?

my husband has changed probably 90% of our son’s diapers for the first 1.5years our son was born during Covid, i had a super traumatic birth, our son almost died during labor, and we were all alone. We both worked from home and our son was very colicky, i was exclusively breastfeeding and was up every night with him, doing all bed time feedings, nails clippings, teeth brushing, he did baths and diapers. It seemed like a fair arrangement. Eventually Covid ended and we got a nanny for Saturdays and our son started daycare he goes from 9-5, my husband started leaving for the day for work. I asked him to change the diapers when he was at home because our son who is in the 100th+ percentile in height and weight was hard to manage for me, i got by on days when i was alone but it was definitely difficult. Even when my mom would visit she would have hard time with the diaper changing and she works at a childcare facility because he was big and unruly. Now our son is 3 and almost fully potty trained, he wears a diaper over night. So we put a diaper on at night and take it off in the morning, and I’m pregnant again with really bad nausea so I’ve asked him to get the baby ready in the mornings as I’m usually choking back the vomit. My husband has decided he will not change any of the future babies diapers and has become very resentful saying that it was totally abusive and abnormal for him to change so many diapers through our sons life and that other dads don’t have to change so many diapers. It’s not like I’ve changed zero diapers, i changed diapers any time he wasn’t home. On sick days i am always the one who stays at home with him and cares for him completely. I always felt like our parenting duties were pretty evenly divided until i got pregnant 3 months ago and things have definitely been harder since then because it’s hard for me some days to do the things i used to do like make breakfast, get his daycare bag ready,physically pick him up. Am i the asshole for letting him/ expecting him to change so many diapers?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lionprincesslioness on 2023-08-11 21:24:12.

My boyfriend (40m), myself, and 3 other friends went out for dinner a few days ago for some burgers and alcohol. We had a great time, service was great, and the experience was very enjoyable. It was time for us to pay our bills. All of us paid separate checks.

When we were all getting our credit cards out to pay, I said out loud to everybody just simply as a conversation "Make sure to tip our waitress! She was amazing! Don't be that type of person who doesn't tip. Come on, guys!" Not going to lie, I gave my boyfriend a blank stare when I said that.

My boyfriend never tips. He is one of those people where he only wants to pay what is on the bill. No more. No less. I have had conversations in the past with him explaining to him on the etiquette of tipping your waitress since they only make $1.37 an hour where we live and they literally rely on tips, but he does not care.

Anyways, back to the restaurant. None of our friends caught I was looking at my boyfriend because they were all focused on grabbing their credit cards and they simply did not know that he is not a tipper. As usual, my boyfriend did not tip the waitress, but myself and everybody else did.

We said good-bye to our friends and went home. My boyfriend and I took the same car home. He brought up the situation to me in the car. He said "I knew you were singling me out at the restaurant when you brought up the tipping topic. I saw that look you gave me." I apologized immediately since he did not sound very thrilled based off the tone of his voice.

I expressed my concern, once again, on how I felt about him never tipping. As usual, he tells me how he literally does not care about tipping and never will anytime soon. The topic changed from there.

I've been thinking about this situation all week. AITA for this or do you think ESH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/RareIntroduction3951 on 2023-08-11 23:27:16.

I'm 17f. My dad bought me a mid range laptop for my birthday since I'm starting college in September. It was a combined Christmas/birthday/graduation gift because hes not exactly rolling in cash and he has 4 other kids that he's a single dad to, so it was a big gift.

My stepsister, Janice, is 20f. She does a part WFH job that requires a computer/laptop but hers broke and was in for repair so she borrowed mine on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday, she was doing something on the laptop while walking down stairs and tripped. Luckily she's okay, she has some mild bruises but no major injuries.

My laptop did not have the same luck Janice. The screen looks like someone burst a pen and smeared it everywhere but thankfully there's no damage to anything internal. She's refusing to get it fixed for me though, on the grounds of she can't afford it and my mom and stepdad won't pay to get it fixed because they didn't break it, which is fair I guess but it has me really angry because I'm starting a graphic design course in 3 weeks with no laptop.

I was venting about it on the phone to my dad earlier, and my dad is upset for me and even more upset with himself that he can't help me get it fixed, but he's also angry with my stepsister for breaking it. He texted her without my knowledge after, and said he'd be able to pay a 3rd of the cost to fix it if affording to fix it is the issue.

Janice came into my room after and reamed me from a height for telling my dad she broke the laptop, since it was an accident and she didn't mean to. She said it was none of his business what happens in this house and she never wants to hear her name come out of my mouth again. She also said she had planned on saving up to help me fix it but now wasn't going to bother because I'm a snitch. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA_mortgage1 on 2023-08-11 23:36:46.

I should’ve really put this edit on the top: I FREAKING AGREED TO BUY HALF THE HOUSE THROUGH FINANCING THE DOWN PAYMENT. Stop with the gold digger/free loader/cake eater nonsense just because you failed to comprehend this post properly

Made a throwaway because he follows me.

I am 26F and my boyfriend is 28M. We have been together since one year now. He has a high paying job and so do I. He purchased a house against a loan 2 years ago (before we met) and so he needs to pay off his mortgage.

I live in an rented apartment by myself so finances are not an issue for me. The next step for us is to move in. His house is nicer and is in the central part of the city and my lease is ending in December this year.

We have been having arguments regarding some financial decisions. He wants me to pay “rent” (half his mortgage) to move into his house. His reasoning is that it’s no different than paying rent to a landlord for having a roof over my head.

I countered him and told him something like this: First, you are using the term “rent” to disguise the fact you want me to pay towards your mortgage, extorting me. It’s YOU who builds assets and YOU who gains from this deal by having ONLY YOURSELF on the deed and not me, when I pay the exact amount as you through “rent”.

Considering we date for long term (he and I don’t want marriage) it’s me who gains nothing from investing in this property in the event we break up. I was really fiery when I told him that this isn’t a fair trade because we both are supposed to be partners and I made it VERY clear I would not pay rent UNLESS I am at least part owner of the house somehow.

When he countered again with his subterfuge logic about landlord-tenant relationship, I said: If we were both to rent a place TOGETHER and pay rent to a landlord, that would be different because it’s not like one of us is getting a name on the deed and gaining any benefits. So it’s fair and equitable.

This isn’t me being greedy, this is me honouring my principles and ensuring I am not financially taken advantage of.

Edit: Frankly, I knew someone who paid rent towards a house owned by someone they were in a relationship with, and they were screwed over financially. When they broke up, this person was left with nothing, while the home owner’s property was more paid off than it was two years ago. I considered this financial abuse and I am not letting that happen to me.

I am ready to take responsibility of comsumables such as bills and groceries (50-50) and I also offered to eventually, retroactively finance all the deposits (insurance, down payment etc) before he met me so I know I’m not being a hypocrite.

I am open to paying rent as long as we both stand as equals.

His face was red by now and he called me a stuck up bitch. I called him greedy and left.

I think he is more upset about the fact that he does NOT get to subsidise his lifestyle through me if it’s not benefitting both of us. And that’s a principle I stand by.

AITA?

EDIT: JUST TO REITERATE IN CASE ANYONE MISSES THIS OUT, I have enough money to contribute towards half of all his deposits, and I offered to do so. If you don’t catch this detail and demonise me for being a “gold digger”, I cannot take your opinion seriously.

EDIT 2: I think some clarifications are needed desperately.

1. I can LITERALLY write him a CHEQUE TOMORROW for HALF of the deposits, insurance, taxes etc.
2. Please do not confuse partnership with landlord tenant relationship because:

a) I generally don’t sleep with my landlords or pursue a romantic relationships with them.

b) I don’t offer to finance their down payments

Edit: Anyone calling me versions of gold digger/freeloader/cake eater you guys are actual MORONS because YOU didn’t bother reading the whole post, missing the KEY point about my offer to finance his down payments. Get it together y’all! I laugh at people like you

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Substantial-Rock5707 on 2023-08-11 19:33:51.

"Rachel" the daughter of "Anna" who lives on my street, will be released from prison next month. A few years ago, she and her boyfriend got drunk and stole her dad's car. She got behind the wheel and ended up hitting "Mark" whose wife "Sarah" I'm good friends with. Mark passed away, and Sarah and her kids understandably hate Anna and Rachel.

Rachel got a long sentence, first in a youth custody centre and then moved to adult prison when she was of age. I was friends with Anna before it all happened, because Rachel used to tutor my kids in maths and also used to give my daughter fashion/outfit advice. I still casually speak to Anna, because I understand she and her husband are going through a tough time too.

I own an accounting firm, and recently Anna said Rachel would be out soon and would need a job, so asked if I'd take Rachel on as a trainee. She showed me Rachel's school exam results from before she got arrested, and they were very impressive. Particularly maths, where Rachel got full marks in every exam. I thought a talented kid like that deserved an opportunity to turn her life around and would be a great asset to my company.

When I saw Sarah I explained that I'd agreed to take Rachel on, and she was understandably very upset and angry. She didn't understand how I could "just ignore" what Rachel did to her husband. I'm not ignoring it and I'm not minimizing it. But she's a talented young women who's just had an awful time, and now deserves an opportunity to turn her life around.

My husband thinks I'm being insensitive by giving Rachel the chance, but I don't think I am. What she did was disgusting, but she was a stupid teenager. She's now a young woman who deserves a chance to pick up the pieces and rebuild her life.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jolly_Bluebird_9977 on 2023-08-11 20:33:27.

My grandparents hate what my parents named my brother and I. We were meant to be named after both of their dad's. Instead my parents named me Skye and my brother Wren. The names are totally different to the ones our grandparents wanted us to have (Michael and Desmond). Our parents took a lot of shit for naming us what they did and they tried to keep us away from that by creating distance with my grandparents (these are mom's parents just for context). But my grandparents have never tried to hide their distain for the names.

My brother and I love our names. And we both hate that our grandparents are SO vocal about how shitty they are.

So it was my cousins birthday party and my grandparents approached me about being called Michael. I told them nah, I was not interested. They said a man going by Skye in the professional world would have such a hard time. They asked if boys didn't tease me for having a girly name. If girls didn't tease me for not being boy enough. I was like no. They were assuring me it would happen in college or in the professional world. I told them I didn't care and they kept pushing it and pushing it. I told them I love my name and I want it to drop the whole appeal for me to change it. They said Michael should have been my name. I said it was never their decision and I walked away. But they followed me and started calling me Michael and saying my name was not suited for a boy. I told them to shut the fuck up about my name. That I didn't care if they thought it was the ugliest name in the world. It was my name and I was proud of it and they were being shitty.

My mom yelled at them too and said she was done if they were going to pester me like that. They said I was a disrespectful brat and had no right to talk to them like that.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad_Welcome2736 on 2023-08-11 18:33:26.

Throwaway because I have IRLs on my main. Longtime lurker, first time poster. I wouldn’t be writing this if the opinions of the people in my life weren’t so split, but here goes.

I (29f) am getting married to my fiancé “Tim” (30m) next year. I’ve only just begun shopping for a potential dress, but this is where the problem arises.

Tim’s grandmother “Mary” is in declining health. Based on what I know about her prognosis (it’s terminal) she’ll most likely live another year or two before she passes, so she might not be able to attend Tim and I’s wedding. Mary was a seamstress when she was younger, and apparently it’s become a family tradition to let her hand-make the wedding dresses for the women in Tim’s family.

Recently, Tim’s mother came to me and asked me when I would be available to meet with Mary to discuss my dress. I was sort of surprised because no one asked me if I wanted to uphold this tradition, they just assumed I would, but I was nice about it and met up with Mary to talk about the dress. I figured it couldn’t hurt.

When I met with Mary, she showed me pictures of the dresses she had made in the past and asked me which one I’d like. The problem is that none of the dresses she’d made in the past were my style—they were very old-fashioned, frilly, and just overall not for me. I had brought some pictures of dress styles I like, but when I showed them to Mary, she scoffed and said she doesn’t know how to make those styles and that her dresses were much better than the “modern trash” I had showed her.

I didn’t want to argue with her, so I just made up some excuse and left. I later contacted Tim’s mother and said that I appreciated the offer, but I wanted to purchase my own wedding dress.

That’s when shit hit the fan. Tim’s mother showed up at our house and started screaming that I was being extremely disrespectful for refusing such a generous gift. She said that it was Mary’s “dying wish” that she be able to make the wedding dresses for all the women in the family and I’m basically spitting on her future grave by refusing it. It’s true that she made the dresses for Tim’s mother, aunt, sister, and female cousins, but I don’t see why I should sacrifice feeling beautiful on MY wedding day for the sake of completing the set, so to speak.

Tim intervened and told his mom to leave, but since then all his relatives have been constantly spamming my phone telling me I’m selfish for putting my own feelings over the happiness of a dying woman. Tim has stood by me and said he’ll tell his relatives to fuck off if I want, but some of my own relatives have said I should just suck it up and wear the dress Mary makes because it’s “not that big a deal” and it’ll make Mary be able to die with no regrets.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Far-Cauliflower7435 on 2023-08-11 21:38:07.

I'm from an ethnicity that loves hot, spicy food. My dad in particular grows his own peppers because he can't find any that are hot enough locally. I can't eat what he prepares for himself.

My husband and I are attending a potluck with a group of his friends this weekend. He asked me to make our contribution to the potluck and to please make something from my country.

No problem. I like cooking and I asked my mom to help. We had fun. My sister also pitched in. I made lots so that there was food for us for tonight and food for the potluck tomorrow. We made two batches. One was about as spicy as buffalo wings, the other was much hotter.

My husband came home and we all sat down to eat. My husband can keep up with my dad when it comes to spicy food. It's hilarious watching a Swede from Minnesota sweating in the middle of winter just from a little spice.

My dad wanted seconds and he went to get some but he served himself from the less spicy crock pot.

He asked me why I made white people food for dinner. My husband understood the question and asked about it. I answered honestly that I have had bad experiences with people eating food that I took to share. So I always made two versions. One is fully as authentic as I can make it. The other version is white people food. It is tasty and exotic but definitely a trade off. For example I will use chicken instead of goat for the protein. And I will use 1/4 - 1/6 the amount of spice.

My sister laughed and said I was being racist by assuming they wouldn't be able to handle my cooking. I said that she had never taken ethnic food to trade in school or at work. She grew up here and has never considered herself anything but American.

I think I'm being considerate and not racist making two versions.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/patchestheghost on 2023-08-11 20:22:12.

I (27F) recently met "Adam" (35) who has a daughter (4). I've hung out with him a few times and this is not a romantic relationship. Adam is divorced and is splits custody with his ex wife. From what I hear (mostly) he is a very hands-on dad although said he doesn't see himself as an authoritative figure to his 4 year old and more like a best friend. I found that kind of weird but whatever. Anyway, Adam is obsessed with roller coasters. He just fucking loves them. He wears roller coaster shirts, has roller coaster figurines and art in his home, and exclusively only goes on vacation to theme parks to meet other roller coaster enthusiasts. It's his favorite thing. He shares this with his daughter which is sweet, and takes her to the parks with him. The thing is, he told me he leaves his 4 year old daughter alone and unattended while he rides the rides she's too small for. Like, at a Six Flags. I told him that sounded dangerous and his daughter be kidnapped. He said that it wasn't because his daughter wore a watch he could track her with. I said that an amusement park sounds like prime real estate for kidnappers and the first thing I would do as a kidnapper would take off any technology a child had on and it's not like the watch would stop me from taking her. He said I was weird for even thinking of this, that I couldn't understand because I didn't have kids, that his daughter was very autonomous and I was the AH for implying he was neglectful. Maybe I should have minded my business and I don't much about childhood development but 4 seems too young to be alone at a theme park.

AITA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sweet_Rock_910 on 2023-08-11 20:59:38.

Throwaway account

I (35F) have a younger brother, "Alex" (33M), who recently came out as a trans man. I support the LGBTQ+ community and believe everyone has a right to their identity. However, Alex and I have unresolved issues from our childhood. When we were kids, he did something really hurtful to me (unrelated to his gender identity). We never spoke about it, and he never apologized.

When he started his transition and asked the family to use he/him pronouns, I told him I would, but only if he apologized for the past incident. My reasoning was that if he expects respect from me regarding his identity, I deserve an apology for the hurt he caused me.

The family is split. Some think I'm using his identity against him, while others feel I'm justified in wanting an apology.

AITA for this condition?

Edit since everyone wants to know what he did: When I told him I thought I might be a lesbian in confidence he went around telling everyone and made extremely homophobic remarks. So I want an appolgy since he is now a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intelligent_Ice_1598 on 2023-08-11 17:42:28.

My son 26 lives in my basement suite. He has everything down there. My wife won't let me charge him rent because he is saving up to buy a house. Sure he is. He has a new car, a new motorcycle, and a gaming computer that is probably worth about $5,000.

I came home the other day and there was a pizza on the counter. My wife wasn't home so I had been planning on just having a soup and sandwich for supper but I was happy that she had gotten me a pizza. I grabbed a couple of slices and sat down to watch tv.

My son came up, saw me eating pizza and started yelling at me for eating food he paid for himself. This is rich. He usually eats with us every day and eats food that I pay for.

I told him that it was on my counter in my house and that made it food for me. He has his own kitchen downstairs and that if he doesn't want me to eat his food he should keep it down there. He didn't agree and kept yelling. I told him that it was time for him to move out. Four years of living in my house rent free as an employed adult was enough and that it was time to go.

He shut up, took his pizza, and went downstairs. When his mom got home she was pissed off at me. He works hard for his money and when he buys himself a treat I shouldn't help myself to some of it. I've pretty much had it with her too. I told her that she had to start paying for his food and utilities since she was the one who thought he should not pay anything to live here.

She works part time at her parents company and uses the money for herself. I am the primary earner. I pay for literally everything. Except her little luxuries. She pays for that stuff herself.

She said that she would not. I said that I was cutting the household budget by one third. Her and her son were responsible for that part from now on.

They are both mad at me for starting this fight over some pizza.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SChemistA on 2023-08-11 19:00:54.

I've never typed this out before so give me some slack on if I miss things. When I was very young, I had my son Jason. He was my everything, I worked so hard to give him a good life, I managed to send him to boarding school and a good university. When he was 22 and about to graduate, he proposed to his girlfriend Amber because she got pregnant. Jason died after graduation and it wasn't anybody's fault, just a big car crash. Amber couldn't handle things so she went home to Edinburgh which is across the ocean, she told me not to contact her and though I tried a lot over the years, I've never been able to find her.

About three years after, I realized I was tired of living in routine and put myself back out there. I met Max, who was four years younger than me, and things kicked off and we got married. We had a daughter named Ellie. Now, it is too painful for me to think about Jason anywhere but my memories or when I feel safe at grief counseling. I had all photos and mementos and everything placed in storage. There's no sign around my house that he ever lived there, I have made it clear to Max we are never to talk about him and I never spoke about him to Ellie. I don't care if you think this is healthy or not but this is what has worked for me.

Now Ellie is fifteen and I don't know how but she was rummaging through the attic and found some pictures that my mom had taken of me during my pregnancy with Jason. She realized pretty quickly that wasn't when I was pregnant with her and came barging in for answers. Max ended up telling her because I ended up crying. Then she yelled at me for keeping this a secret and how there's a whole part of her she doesn't know about. I got mad and yelled that he's my son and mine only and he doesn't belong to anybody and nobody has any right to know about him unless I say. Ellie started crying and she's been very sad ever since.

I've never posted here before but it seemed appropriate to do so. Was I the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ConcentrateExotic850 on 2023-08-11 16:37:37.

Recently we had a big family beach day. I went with my wife, my 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. My older brother also brought his wife and two kids, both girls 11 and 9. Initially it was supposed to just be us, but then brother in law and his partner really wanted to come, I told them they would be bored as our beach day is gonna be kid oriented, but brother in law insisted. Brother in law is in his early 30s call him Rob and his partner who is 42 call him Steve.

When we go to into the water, Steve is wearing this mesh speedo, that looks more like male lingerie than swim wear. I pull him to the side and I am like Steve do you have something more family friendly. He is like what’s wrong with this? I am like Steve can you just run to Target or one of the shops on the board walk, I’ll Venmo you however much it costs to get a new swim trunk. Steve then gets Rob and then says I am being a diva.

I am like guys please I got little kids. Rob looks over to Steve in a way that is like come on Steve but then Rob starts yelling at me. And Rob is like, in Europe it’s perfectly normal to go to nude beaches, and he says that it’s good for kids to open their eyes and not live in a homophobic bubble. I am like no not at all, I don’t want my daughters seeing this either, and it’s not appropriate this is a beach with families and young kids. My wife comes over and tries to talk to Rob but nothing happens.

I end up getting the rest of my family and brother’s and I say we are going to a new beach. Rob starts saying don’t do this we are all family, it’s really not a big deal we are gonna be in the water in most of the time. I don’t say anything and just get into the car.

This incident has really messed up the family. Steve especially hates me. He thinks I am homophobic and that I am raising my kids to be the same.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old_Discipline_7987 on 2023-08-11 19:12:06.

I am 28F and married to my husband 27M for 2 years now, My MIL is an absolute nightmare.

She is religious orthodox, 50 year old single divorcee who totally relies on my husband for her survival.

She does not work, She lives in a nearby apartment which my husband pays for, Utilities, Medical supplies etc everything paid by my husband. Even though he earns good but totally supporting another house is not at all ok.

Because of that, Me and husband are not able to spare for travel trips, some nice luxury things which others with similar income are easily affording, But because of my dear MIL its not happening for us!

On top of all, my husband has tried many times to convince her to work but she makes random health reasons and even said that she is cheap to maintain, My husband can afford her, Its his responsibility to take care of her ‘old’ mom. To which my husband feels helpless. MIL says she wont be able to survive on her own, If husband stops supporting her then according to her she is ‘gone’.

I am just done with her now, I have asked my husband to totally stop supporting his mom and give her ultimatum, No matter the after effects, She will become a homeless women, She might just better be ‘gone’. AITA for asking husband to do this?

PS- When I married my husband, She used to work at a massage parlour and my husband used to only support her in little things like medical bills, But not rent/everything. Soon after she left the parlour saying she is done with it and simply started to ask money from husband. Being a good son he supported her but now its getting too much for us.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute_Option_196 on 2023-08-11 17:37:25.

My son introduced us to his exgf who i’ll call heather 6 years ago. They were dating for 4 years, and heather was hinting at him proposing. However they broke up when my son got drunk and ranted about how much he wanted to break up with her, what he hated about her, and how she wasnt his type.

Heather went through his phone, and saw messages on how he was planning to break up with her before he went on a trip with friends. He wanted to break up with her for a while, but ever did. It was his friends who convinced him. Heather broke up with him first, and she was a mess.

My husband I love heather, and after they broke up, we were disappointed in our son but we still love in. We still talk to heather, she is family to us. She comes to dinner a few times a month, and we invite her to holidays and our birthdays. My son gets upset at this, but we kept inviting her.

My son has started dating a new girl for a few months, and he wants us to meet her for the first time before he leaves to her country and meet her family. He made it clear heather was not to come.

While i would accept that condition, I think it would be best for his new girlfriend to know how my son acted. I told my husband, and he blew up on me. Saying it wasn’t appropriate, no one wants to meet an ex, and if we focus on his past he’s never going to get a relationship, or give him room to change.

However his gf is going to meet heather sometime soon anyways, we invite her to every gathering. Heather also wants to meet my sons gf.

My husband told our son, and he cancelled the meeting.

So aita? His gf has the right to know.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/redstar15551 on 2023-08-11 17:25:30.

This happened last night. BEFORE YOU COMMENT READ THE BOTTOM

I've (25M) known my friend Jerome (26M (not his name)) since middle school. He's one of my best friends, and the first Thursday of every month, our friend group has a get together at his house.

His wife Jasmine (30F, also not her name) is a very sweet lady, and their kids (both 4) are both very funny and polite, if not a little energetic. And they love the Thursday night get together cause about 10 people are over and they get too stay up late and run around while we hang out.

So it was finally time for the kids to go too bed, but one of them wanted too stay up and happened too be by me. He tried his best too get me to play cool uncle, but it was 9 o'clock and Jerome looked tired so I figured it was time for bed. He threw a tantrum and whined at me so Jerome scooped him up and took him to bed.

After he went down, Jerome came back to apologize for his son's behavior towards me. I said there was no need, I know it was late and his kid was tired. He's a good kid. Jerome thanked me for backing him up, cause I take the kid's side alot as a joke. This is where I fucked up.

So I said "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Which is a turn of phrase, nothing to do with race, and Jerome knew, but Jasmine did not apparently and she was standing nearby when she heard me say it.

She gave me an odd look and walked away, I didn't think anything at the time but another friend approached me a little later and asked me what I said to get Jasmine so riled up cause she was going around telling everyone I called her kids monkeys.

I was fairly offended. I attended their wedding, I've known these kids since birth, I buy them birthday and Christmas presents, they call me uncle, I'm at this house once a month, I love this family, what the fuck is this?

So I asked Jasmine if she would be willing to speak with me privately, not wanting to cause a scene and she said no. So I asked why she was telling people I called her kids monkeys in a derrogatory way, when the phrase I used doesn't have anything to do with that. She tells me she's never heard that phrase, and it's likely an old southern racist idiom.

I must admit, I was pretty pissed at this point. I am friends with her and her husband, and I don't deserve to be treated like this for something misunderstood on her end. I apologized for any offense she might have taken, but she had simply not understood what I said and applied her own context. We went back and forth until I just left. Didn't say goodbye to anyone, nothing to Jerome, but I wasn't going to be talked to like this when I did nothing wrong.

It's the day after, and I'm still annoyed but I haven't talked to anyone about last night yet. My phone blew up after I left but I'm not responding to anyone right now. Am I in the wrong here? Does Jasmine have a point? I need to know what people uninvolved think cause this is ridiculous to me.

I didn't feel the need to state this earlier but I am white. Jerome, Jasmine and their kids are not.

UPDATE UPDATE! READ THIS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!: So I just got off the phone with Jerome and I fucked up. So she was drunk as a skunk last night. We all tend to drink lightly at their house cause we all have to drive in the dark and the steetlights are fucky in that neighborhood. But she and Jerome don't have to drive cause it's their house. Anyway, I had no idea she was slammed last night and she's super hung over and embarassed right now. I regret posting this but I can't delete it. 100% on me. I feel like an idiot. We talked on the phone for like 40 minutes, we're all ok now. HUGE mistake on my part.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Able-Sea-3255 on 2023-08-11 15:14:19.

I work a night shift at a warehouse and I offered one of the clerks a ride when I saw her walking on my way home. I offered a lift and said “Hey you need a ride?” And she said “yeah that would be great”. When she got in my car, I asked “where do you live?”. She seemed uncomfortable and just said “east”. I said “You want me to drop you off at a bus stop that is the last line you usually take?”, sensing that she seemed uncomfortable. She said “yeah”. I said “alright, just tell me the intersection.”. She seemed uncomfortable again and said “I’ll tell you the direction”. She was looking up directions on the phone and was trying to hide the screen from me. She gave me directions and I followed. She was terrible at it, i made multiple U-turns and three point turns. In the middle of the drive she said “you drive too fast, slow down”. I said “sorry but I’m driving the limit, I can’t by law impede traffic”. After 30 minutes she finally said I can drop her off. Checked my odometer, I drove 15 or so miles and spend an additional 10 miles on my way home than usual. The next day she came to me and basically asked for a ride, I said she could come with the other co-workers. Dropped them all off at the main bus line 3 miles out of my way. Last night she came to ask me again, I said “sorry, kinda busy”. In truth, I didn’t give her a ride because I’m not dropping anyone off today and didn’t feel comfortable giving her a ride alone in my car. WITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MerryMisandrist on 2023-08-11 17:01:24.

I am an well established person at my company. I have led successful projects over the last 10 years and have mentored several people who have gone on to bigger and better roles afterwards. I have a reputation of being a good coach and developer of talent and as a result of my successful project history and mentoring results, I get a lot of requests to mentor people. This ask comes from both management and individuals. The final decision who gets mentored is up to me. It depends on if I am already mentoring someone, if my bandwidth allows it or if I think the person would benefit from a mentor relationship.

I am currently kicking off a high visibility project and do not have a mentor at the moment. I was approached by a manager from another area about mentoring one of their people and pulling them on to the project. The type of project aligns with the associates development goal / career path. The visibility from both mentorship and working on the project would push them in to higher position immediately at the end of the project. I had an idea of who the person was, but when the manager confirmed it, I declined and said my bandwidth would not allow me to take her on, I would simply be too busy.

The real reason for my decision is that I know the person and do not like her, professionally and personally. She has a history of reporting her co workers to management for any infraction or going to HR for for any perceived slight. The attrition rate in the her area is high and I would say it is toxic because of her presence. Long story short, I do not need that drama or want to take the risk for someone like that. Since I have final say and its not part of my official role, that should have been the end of it. Nope....

The following week, I was pulled in to HR for a meeting to discuss my decision not to mentor the person, yup, they complained. So in this meeting I am asked why and I state I did not have the capacity to take on the role. I was then pushed to change my decision as it would look bad if I did not. I reminded them that it is not part of my work description and role. We went back and forth and it ended, HR stated that this would not look good in my file. I still did not budge and have refused to take the person.

I had a meeting with my boss and his boss afterwards and was told that I had nothing to worry about and that HR is basically afraid of this person and do what they can to prevent her from making waves. I still never admitted my real reason to them, but I think they got the message.

Interestingly enough, the person turned has requested a 1 on 1 meeting with me, which I have declined multiple times. I also go out of my way avoid her if I am alone.

So AITA for declining to mentor a person because of their personality and history of complaining about co workers when they would be a good fit for the role and would help their career immensely?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitaredditaccount_ on 2023-08-11 16:22:11.

(I'm 28 and my step sister is 32)

We've chosen to have a child free wedding (no under 18s), I know that's not everyone's thing - but this is what we've decided is best for our wedding and budget.

My sister has 3 kids who are 16, 7 and 5. When my wedding invitations went out she asked if she could bring the kids. I said sorry, but no. I thought she understood but not long later, she asked again if she could bring them. Again I said no.

I do understand that not everyone with kids can make a child free event. I'll be upset, but I'll understand if my sister can't come because of it (although she hasn't tried to get babysitting at all). This isn't the issue. We had an argument where she called me selfish for not including her kids, especially my 16 yo nibling who was apparently very upset and saying "no one wants her".

We have a family group chat with a lot of random family members, and she pretty much blasted me on there for not including her kids.

I got mad at her for doing that and said she needs to realize the world doesn't revolve around her kids and she's not the only mom out there. If anything, she's lazy (for not wanting to stay at home with her kids or spend the money hiring a babysitter so she can attend).

It's been really tense between us and I've got some people telling me I'm in the wrong here, for blowing up at her and not inviting my niblings.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AcanthisittaMuted431 on 2023-08-11 15:35:54.

My dad is pretty rich and is retired at 50. He was dating this woman "Laura" for a couple of years and it worried me that she was just after his money. She's 35. My dad said he'd never marry or have anymore kids (besides me 24m) because he wants to leave everything to me.

Last year dad texted me and said he had some good news about him and Laura. I thought they were going to get married and I was going to tell him to get a prenuptial to make sure our family money stays in the family.

No. He and Laura were going to have a baby. I told my dad he was gross for having a kid at 50 and now he's on the hook financially. He said he was thrilled to become a dad again. I told Laura she was disgusting for tricking my dad into becoming a dad and she's not getting any of his money when he dies. My dad has like 5 million in life insurance policies.

She said she was insulted by what I said and I said I call out gold diggers when I see them. Of course ever since my brother was born she keeps asking him to change his will. I told my dad she should get a job and not to try to live off him.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/InstanceFresh on 2023-08-11 15:16:26.

My husband and I don’t get in many disagreements, but when we do it’s about money.

We keep our finances separate. He has his bank account and I have mine. We split house costs mostly 50/50. He makes about 10k more than I do so he does pay a bit more.

But he is so tight with money.

I have a tattoo I’ve been wanting to get for a long time. But I’ve either been pregnant or not financially able to spend frivolously.

It will be 400 per sitting for two sittings. I will have to take work off (paid) and arrange for care for my baby.

I’m paying for this myself. I work full time from home while also watching our 9 month old.

Yes it’s a frivolous expense but am I in the wrong for wanting to get something for myself to make myself feel good? I am not the type to go get my hair or nails done. The only frivolous thing I really spend money on is clothing recently because my body has changed since having a baby and nothing fits.

When I asked for his opinion last night he finally came out with saying that he’s not on board because there are other things we need to be spending our money on.

He is concerned because our bathroom needs remodeling and he wants new countertops and he thinks those items keep getting pushed back for other things. We afford all of the basics just fine. We are not well off but we are also not struggling to keep food on the table by any means.

Am I wrong to think that there will ALWAYS be a better reason to spend money and it will never be an ideal time to put money into something cosmetic like a tattoo.

So he will never be on board anyway.

Am I selfish? We lost our first baby halfway through the pregnancy and I got pregnant again months after. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for two years and have put everything on hold. I feel like I don’t even recognize my own body anymore. This tattoo means a lot to me.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/domainsarama on 2023-08-11 14:26:32.

I have new neighbors next door and when they moved in the mentioned they were having a back yard wedding for their daughter. We were invited but declined due to other conflicts.

The wedding was to take place on a Sunday. The prior Wednesday l, they had a big party with loud music and karaoke. Given they seemed like reasonable people, I figured they would shut down the music after 11pm (quiet time bylaw in my area)

They did not shut it down and only got louder. Around 1am when myself, wife or two kids could not sleep, i went over and kindly asked them to turn down the music. We always had a very quiet neighborhood.

I got yelled at, like hard, and have it all on video, thanks to my security system. Music continues until 3am.

So the next day it happens again. I don’t say anything.

Friday comes around and I called bylaw asking them to ask the neighbors to respect the noise bylaw. I also mentioned the wedding…

Well turns out backyard weddings need a permit, which they did not have. Bylaw said no wedding or huge fine.

They had 2 days to find a new venue and we l found out from others they are super upset.

AITA?

My intention was not to fuck is their wedding just get them to be more respectful. Either way what’s done is done.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Regretful_Secretary on 2023-08-11 14:12:31.

I (39F) recently got divorced. It was my fault, I had a one night stand with a colleague, he fell in love, and when I didn't want to follow him, he sent "evidence" of "our love" to my then husband (John, 45M). I know I was wrong for cheating, that's not my question. All things considered, the divorce proceedings were relatively amicable. I really wanted to stay in our home, it's where I raised our son (David, 17M), and we found a way to make that possible.

Soon after the divorce, my father (76M) was diagnosed with cancer. He always wanted to go on a cruise with the whole family, and is planning the big voyage for the next holidays (treatments permitting). But that time was meant to be time for John to see David, so I need John's OK. I brought it up with him, and he understood that my father's diagnosis changed things. But he didn't agree immediately, he wants to talk to David first. That talk hasn't happened yet.

Meanwhile, school tuition comes due, we send David to an expensive private school. John has an impressive income, and he's happy to pay for David’s education.

But, prior to our divorce, we were helping my sister (Susan, 43F), who is not as wealthy, by paying to send her two children (16M and 13M) to the same school. Susan gets the bill and sends it to John. He responded that since they are not family any more, it isn't his problem.

Susan thinks it isn't fair on her children to have to switch schools since they have both already been going there, have friends there, and would have to go to a lesser quality school. Susan and her family have been relying on him, and it's cruel of John to cut them off.

My parents think that because the divorce was my fault, this is my responsibility. They suggest I sell the house and come live with them. They have even found someone who would buy it, my cousin. I don’t want to do this, primarily because of my parents smoking, but also it's not as straightforward as they make it sound. In the divorce we set up the deed to transfer the property to David after I die. John wanted to ensure that if I were to remarry, it wouldn't end up with my hypothetical step children.

John thinks it's nothing to do with him anymore, and if there is money for a cruise then it's time for the rest of the family to step up and get them through this transition. In any case though, I don't really want to push back on him because he hasn't technically agreed to let David go on the holiday and I don't want to mess up my father's possible last wish.

I feel guilty about the situation; I don’t see a happy way of getting the money together. But I also agree that it is unfair that my nephews’ will likely have to move schools due to no fault of their own. I wish I could help, but I'm not the wealthy aunty I was a year ago, I'm by no means living in poverty, but I don't have that kind of spare money either. Does that make me the AH?

(names have been changed obviously)