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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Regretful_Secretary on 2023-08-11 14:12:31.
I (39F) recently got divorced. It was my fault, I had a one night stand with a colleague, he fell in love, and when I didn't want to follow him, he sent "evidence" of "our love" to my then husband (John, 45M). I know I was wrong for cheating, that's not my question. All things considered, the divorce proceedings were relatively amicable. I really wanted to stay in our home, it's where I raised our son (David, 17M), and we found a way to make that possible.
Soon after the divorce, my father (76M) was diagnosed with cancer. He always wanted to go on a cruise with the whole family, and is planning the big voyage for the next holidays (treatments permitting). But that time was meant to be time for John to see David, so I need John's OK. I brought it up with him, and he understood that my father's diagnosis changed things. But he didn't agree immediately, he wants to talk to David first. That talk hasn't happened yet.
Meanwhile, school tuition comes due, we send David to an expensive private school. John has an impressive income, and he's happy to pay for David’s education.
But, prior to our divorce, we were helping my sister (Susan, 43F), who is not as wealthy, by paying to send her two children (16M and 13M) to the same school. Susan gets the bill and sends it to John. He responded that since they are not family any more, it isn't his problem.
Susan thinks it isn't fair on her children to have to switch schools since they have both already been going there, have friends there, and would have to go to a lesser quality school. Susan and her family have been relying on him, and it's cruel of John to cut them off.
My parents think that because the divorce was my fault, this is my responsibility. They suggest I sell the house and come live with them. They have even found someone who would buy it, my cousin. I don’t want to do this, primarily because of my parents smoking, but also it's not as straightforward as they make it sound. In the divorce we set up the deed to transfer the property to David after I die. John wanted to ensure that if I were to remarry, it wouldn't end up with my hypothetical step children.
John thinks it's nothing to do with him anymore, and if there is money for a cruise then it's time for the rest of the family to step up and get them through this transition. In any case though, I don't really want to push back on him because he hasn't technically agreed to let David go on the holiday and I don't want to mess up my father's possible last wish.
I feel guilty about the situation; I don’t see a happy way of getting the money together. But I also agree that it is unfair that my nephews’ will likely have to move schools due to no fault of their own. I wish I could help, but I'm not the wealthy aunty I was a year ago, I'm by no means living in poverty, but I don't have that kind of spare money either. Does that make me the AH?
(names have been changed obviously)