this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] estoypoopin@kbin.social 57 points 1 year ago (3 children)

May I also suggest, even easier than saltines, a nice tall, refreshing glass of water? The perfect meal replacement for those times when you're too busy (or poor) to eat!

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 39 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Water, like from the toilet?

[–] get_off_the_phone@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ooh la la Mr. Fancy I Have A Toilet Man. No, WATER, like from a puddle on the sidewalk.

[–] KIM_JONG_JUICEBOX@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago

You live somewhere where water just falls from the sky for free?

[–] geekworking@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Can't afford Brandow.

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[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'll 1up you. Take half a sleeve of saltines and put them in a big glass. Pour chocolate milk in the glass until it is half full and stir until thick.

Bottoms up.

On an unrelated note, I disgust my wife.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

Who hurt you

[–] TwoGems@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

You greedy communist! If you do that, then Nestle can't bottle up all that fresh mone--I mean, water, up and help the free market!

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 48 points 1 year ago (18 children)

My dad eats saltines with butter. Not peanut butter. Butter butter.

[–] solidgrue@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Are you my kid?

Hey, empty the dishwasher.

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[–] rnviewjthpowrh@kbin.social 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It is good, like eating a buttered roll but crunchy.

[–] band_on_the_run@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Buttered saltine club, represent!

[–] GRENADE_MAGNET@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Ok, you have to try them with President brand butter. It’s a cultured butter from France. It’s the most buttery tasting butter my tastebuds have ever tasted. It’s all I buy now.

I’ve seen it at Publix and Walmart. If you can find it give it a try. It’s better than Kerrygold.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It’s better than Kerrygold.

I like how you threw this out there expecting all of us to be butter connoisseurs.

[–] theragu40@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Hey. People that know butter know kerrygold. Stating that it's better than kerrygold is a bold claim.

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[–] Holytaco6@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My Grandma taught me to butter the saltines when we have Chili and to scoop a little chili on the butter saltine. I might need to make some chili tonight now haha

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[–] dingus@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I know I sound disgusting, but sometimes I eat saltines and straight up dip them in/scoop up butter like it's a dip. It's good.

[–] cakeslayer@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I do that but I dip them in my tomato soup.

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[–] NumbersCanBeFun@kbin.social 35 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Make little mini peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That’s what my mom would make us when she couldn’t afford bread sometimes.

[–] RamSwamson@lemmy.sdf.org 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I ate that all the time growing up, also did that with Ritz crackers. Had no idea it was because poor 😓

[–] Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Damn look at this fat cat over here being able to afford Ritz. Us plebs get to share a singular saltine for the week. We used to take turns licking the salt off for dinner and had the soggy biscuit for breakfast the following morning.

On a serious note though, I feel ya. Hopefully your doing better as an adult. ♥️

[–] CluckN@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Look at this fat cat capitalist with a table. We use to take turns breathing inside McDonalds just to get a whiff of nutrients.

[–] EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Look at Bill Gates over here. We couldn't even afford nothing. We always had something and it was dreadful

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[–] NumbersCanBeFun@kbin.social 14 points 1 year ago

I’m sure other people did it for fun. Foods stamps are a weird concept as a kid. I didn’t understand why we paid with coupons and why we could only get one bread per week but the other people at the store can get anything they want.

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[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Man... I have to not buy saltines because I will literally just eat a sleeve plain.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I can just sit and eat a whole box of Triscuits if I'm not stopped, so I never buy Triscuits in any of their wonderfully delicious flavors.

[–] TheObserver@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 year ago

I'll eat a whole damn box before i realize what I've done. One day it's gonna catch up to me and I'm gonna be the next person on my 600lb life

[–] Transcriptionist@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Image Transcription:

An image of an unopened sleeve of saltines with text over it. The text at the top reads: off work late? hungry, but too tired to cook? try eating sleeve of saltines The bottom text reads: you certainly will not regret eating sleeve of saltines

[I am a human, if I’ve made a mistake please let me know. Please consider providing alt-text for ease of use. Thank you. 💜]

[–] Brisolo32@lemmy.eco.br 9 points 1 year ago
[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Unsalted saltines are just wrong though.

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 year ago

Those are just "ines"

[–] squiblet@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It’s like some sort of absorbent material used to clean up spills

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[–] DoomsdaySprocket@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My cats will try and murder me for these, they give no shits about any other crackers or human non-meat food, but I’ve had one literally try and eat one out of my mouth. Makes me question what’s really in them….

[–] ICE_WALRUS@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A lot of animals are hyper attracted to salt, that could be it. I know a deer will lick your dried piss off a rock for some salt from my days camping.

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[–] SOB_Van_Owen@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

Had a cat that dearly loved noodles. Would climb all over you for a strand of spaghetti.

[–] Veedem@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I love a good sleeve of saltines and I’m a grown ass man with a family and house and all that jazz.

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[–] Cruxifux@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (3 children)

My dad used to melt cheese and put salami on these and we would dip it in marinara. He called it poor mans pizza.

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[–] HoustonHenry@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I would much rather....drink 3 beers!

Thanks Andy Richter, miss you buddy!

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[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Anyone still do the 4 saltines in 1 minute challenge? No drinking!

[–] STUPIDVIPGUY@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

nah i do the 4 sleeves in 1 hour challenge

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[–] ShootBANGdang@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I can eat reams of Zesta saltines by themselves. I’ve tried multiple varieties and nothing comes close.

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[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Ok, I know you like saltines but have you tried...

R A T I O N S ! ?

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 6 points 1 year ago

Mmm saladas

[–] Hank@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Oh man I'm not good at thyroid gland plz to halp

[–] SpeedLimit55@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Don’t forget to add meat, cheese, beans, hot sauce in any combo!

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