this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2024

524 points (96.1% liked)

Funny

6877 readers

896 users here now

General rules:

Be kind.
All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
Don't post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

TheDude@sh.itjust.works

kersploosh@sh.itjust.works

example@reddthat.com

VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works

524

... Props for honesty? (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/funny@sh.itjust.works

44 comments fedilink hide all child comments

all 45 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] MacedWindow@lemmy.world 99 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my food go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 45 points 10 months ago

Delivery Driver: Please understand... it was all business. It wasn't personal.

OP / Liam Neesan: It was all personal to me.

[–] LaserTurboShark69@sh.itjust.works 43 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Takeout

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 3 points 10 months ago

Takenout

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

Good luck...

[–] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 51 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"Fair enough. I'll defer reporting you for lack of delivery. Hope your day gets better!"

[–] Duranie 64 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If I'm ordering delivery I'm probably not in the greatest place either, but I'm not heartless.

"I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Bring me my food unscathed, and I'll place a second order you can pick up and keep. What do you want to drink?"

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

I read the note in dramatic Shakespearean voice 8/10 not bad at all

[–] XTornado@lemmy.ml 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wouldn't some other driver be able to pick that one? I don't think it would work too well...

[–] Lesrid@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Don't do it through the delivery, set it for pickup and give them the details.

[–] XTornado@lemmy.ml 1 points 10 months ago

Oh yeah... Good point.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago (4 children)

So... what do you say to that?

[–] scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 115 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Screenshot and send to door dash personally. Sorry you're having a bad day but maybe I am too? Maybe I'm having a worse day and couldn't bring myself to cook. Dasher wants to get food at the place I ordered from? Awesome. Go for it. This is stealing though and idc how bad of a day you're having. You shouldn't be delivering food if you can't... Deliver the food

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I wonder if there was a tip too

[–] BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 10 months ago

Motherfucker is going to have the worse day after he eats my food.

[+] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works -19 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

It's not stealing really, because you can report it for a refund, and the refunds on those apps happen pretty quickly. It would be annoying, but you would get your money back. Your money is basically in escrow until a while after you get your food, so you can also get refunded if your order is messed up. The driver doesn't even really get in trouble unless they mess up often, they just don't get the fare for that trip.

I mean it's still a shitty thing to do, but it's more like getting bad service than stealing. The same outcome would happen if your drivers vehicle broke down, for instance.

[–] slippery_salmons@lemmy.today 16 points 10 months ago

It's 100% stealing

[–] mihnt@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The driver doesn’t even really get in trouble unless they mess up often

This is 100% either a strike on the driver's account or they will just "fire" them outright. Especially if it's doordash. Fuck doordash.

[–] OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

How does their strike system work? How many does it take to get you banned from driving, and how long does it take for strikes to expire? Is the system even punlic knowledge?

I feel like that would all factor into how likely I am to report them.

[–] mihnt@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

How does their strike system work?

I haven't driven for them in a long time, but if I remember correctly it's a 3 strike system. I think in the case of OP's post though that would be an immediate driver account closure.

I think the expire thingy was either 100 or 500 properly delivered orders before they go away.

Shitty people abuse this system too as I had an order to a high security building and they wouldn't let me in the doors. I dropped the food off with security and that was that on my end. Customer then reported me saying she never got the order. Because I didn't go that extra mile and send her a text saying the food was there (something the app does anyways), I received a strike. (If you work in a high security building you know damn well to watch for your food, so in my opinion this was all on the customer.)

Is the system even punlic knowledge?

Kind of, sort of. doordash are a bunch of fuckheads and there is a HUGE disconnect between the driver and getting actual answers. I had an issue with one of their policies and attempted around 5 times to get a callback and clarification on the rules and never received a callback. Not once.

At this point, because I'm still doing this work. I will only work with GrubHub. They pay the drivers way more per order. I can call support and get actual answers. I can refuse to fill drinks because it's company policy the drivers are not to fill any part of the order. (It's dumb how many times I've had to deal with this. One 7/11 worker tried to make me fill an entire 8 drink order one day. I refuse to do their job while I'm just trying to do mine. GrubHub drivers are considered couriers, not customers like they are with Doordash.)

The best thing? Customer doesn't tip? They still pay well enough that I don't feel like I'm getting stiffed. Say I had an order to deliver some food 10 miles with no tip. Doordash non-tipped pay would be like $2.50-$3.00. GrubHub I'd get closer to $5. (For an example, an order I drove recently only had a $1 tip. Delivery distance was a little over 5 and a half miles. GrubHub pay was $4.67. doordash pay is typically a flat $2.50 up to 10 miles.)

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I mean, me personally? "I fuckin feel that, no worries"

Most people? "That sucks" and contact doordash support for a redund prolly

[–] GentlemanLoser@ttrpg.network 42 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Remember you're hungry when you get this message. IDK about you but rhat turns me into a different beast altogether.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 10 months ago

Don't get me wrong, I'd be pissed. However, I've been in a similar state, and making them feel worse than they already are really isn't something I want to do. I'm certainly not some saint that instantly forgives and forgets, but this person clearly has some serious problems and I don't want to make it worse for them

[–] Stoney_Logica1@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hangry is no joke. First thing my wife asks me if I have an attitude is if I'm hungry. 9/10 I am.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 3 points 10 months ago

Hanger is a lack of self control.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I would probably say something like:

"I feel you, homie. I'm making another order—what do you want?"

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Words

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I would guess this person has reached their breaking point many many times.

[–] MYCOOLNEJM@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago

"Dam, sorry to hear that, hope you get better." reported

[–] Pratai@lemmy.ca 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I especially love how real this is!!!

[–] pigup@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago

👁️👄👁️

[–] DingoBilly@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

How is this funny?

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

We got a connoisseur over here!

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Real ezikiel 23:20 hours

[+] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de -36 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I wonder what tip he got. Probably only 10 %. Stingy OP.

[–] sploosh@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Tipping percentage for delivery is silly. The value of the food doesn't change the driver's job. Tip based on the distance between you and the place you're ordering from. $2 base with and additional $1 per mile is a good starting point, but most delivery drivers are not earning if they're not delivering, so if you live a ways away from central restaurant locations you should dial it up to compensate for their drive back.

[–] baseless_discourse@mander.xyz 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Or just call that a delivery fee. I am so done with tipping, why can't it just be a fee?!

Delivery drivers work to get food to their customer, they should charge a fee for their work; not betting most of their income on the customer's gratitude, which is expressed as a tip.

[–] SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

As a pizza boy, I would love to just see a solid $5/order. Currently, it seems the closer they are to the store, the higher the tip. I drove like 10 minutes out and got $1.80. Which is not my worst tip, but I'm just saying the further out, the lower the average.

[–] Pixel@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 10 months ago

I try to do it based on how difficult it is to carry. A few simple things in a single bag is not much. Spread across a few bags and drinks, that's more.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Its not justo the value of the food. The value of the food is the value that the customer is willing to pay for food, which corresponds with the tip amount they can part with. However everything you've recommended is very thoughtful in its own right.

[–] Forester@yiffit.net 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

To improve prompt service, not to stop bitches from stealing your food when you're too depressed to cook. Furthermore, 10% can do way too much or way too little depending on what the fuck was ordered. I manually enter tips. Clearly you've never ordered a full meal for 6 people from one of these services. Tips should be based on distance and time for the order. I just think it's highly ridiculous to pay the delivery driver who did 20 minutes of work more than the cook makes in an hour.

[–] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Tipping culture is BS anyways. Pay the fucking employees what they're worth!!

[–] Forester@yiffit.net 1 points 10 months ago

I hope you at least got my joke