Unpopular Opinion

But have you been to Istanbul with rosemary in your pockets!?

It's actually because it's a loss leader. Most consumers aren't just going to buy a turkey. They're getting all of those other fixins that go with it, and those prices are pretty minimal and steady no matter the store. Even cheaper by the pound, it's probably gonna be the most expensive thing you buy for a Thanksgiving meal. But most people are going to need one. People know all of this, so they shop for the best deal on turkey. That gets them in the door and since they're already buying, they go ahead and buy all the other things they need to prepare. They almost definitely lose money on those turkeys by themselves but make more money overall by selling them cheap. And for chain stores, the individual store isn't eating those costs. Those losses get written off and corporate eats the loss.

And sure, there are better quality turkeys, but you're gonna pay through the ass because those farms aren't producing at the same scale and can't sell to the stores for less, and there definitely wouldn't be enough to go around for all the people buying turkey every year. But if more people buy from those small farms, they can't upscale that same process to cover all those turkeys, so they'll resort to factory farming as well to keep up with the demand. It's very much a similar problem as complaining about traffic when you are also traffic. The only solution is to opt out but we live in a society and opting out can have consequences.

I did a lot of research before hosting a decade ago, and have now had to host all future thanksgivings since I am apparently the only one in the family who can make a decent turkey. Read on at your own risk:

1. Turkey bag or a covered roasting pan is a must. Turkey gets very dry easily.
2. Carefully lifting the skin away from the meat (without ripping it!) will allow you to put an entire stick of herb butter between the meat and the skin.
3. Flavor injectors are another essential. Just a salty mix of basically Worcestershire sauce and vegetable oil and garlic and pepper. About a half cup total injected all the way in the meat every few inches. Back the injector out partway and push back in on a new path a few times for adequate coverage.
4. Inside the bag or roasting pan should have some veggies. These cook down to help make a better gravy but I think also just provide more steam to keep the turkey moist.
5. Sliced apple in the neck might be a myth but I do it anyways haha.
6. Meat thermometer to make sure you don't overcook it. Should be slid into the meat like a millimeter away from the inside cavity in the thickest part of the turkey.
7. Let the turkey "rest" in the pan or bag for an hour after you pull it out of the oven, otherwise the very hot juices will just evaporated away when you start carving.
8. Carving direction matters. YouTube it. Basically, you remove half of the entire breast in one go and put that on a cutting board and cut it like a bread loaf.

Seriously I used to hate turkey but with all the above I actually look forward to it.

Have you tried smoked? It really is nice. But generally yeah, I'd rather just eat a nice vegetarian dish than a bland turkey.

Hey you the guy selling smoked rats?