Dentists have always done that. It's their divine right to shame us. Take better care of your teeth.
this post was submitted on 29 Jun 2025
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ADHD
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I'm on team dentist here as well. Those things don't geow back unless you're 3. Get an electric toothbrush. They're not that expensive, and don't make brushing take any more time than otherwise.
It looks like you might be piling everything into the ADHD bucket. The bit about the dentist isn't shaming, it's about keeping your teeth healthy and that's what I mean about putting your behaviors into that ADHD bucket. A diagnosis isn't a free pass, it's information that you typically use to help navigate and mitigate symptoms.
Also when did it become ok for dentists to tell you off for not brushing up to their standards. I just noticed how they routinely use shaming as a form of control.
I think they've always done this, and it has the opposite effect on me. I don't want to be shamed, so I don't go, tooth starts to hurt, but they'll shame me, so I don't go, things get worse, have to go, get shamed, get fixed, remember shaming, don't schedule next appointment, repeat.
Please remember to brush your teeth and visit the dentist. Don't be me. You only get two sets and you've already burned through the first one.
I go to dental hygienists instead. It's not a perfect replacement, but it's a necessary step in my dental journey.
The ones I've had have been a lot more... nuanced, in their approach. I tell mine upfront that I have ADHD and it makes it incredibly hard to build and follow a routine, and that is what I need help and compassion around.
If one then reacts judgingly or without understanding I would probably find a different one for the next appointment, but so far I've been lucky.
The first times I went they used numbing salve to make is less painful to get the numbing syringe, and they only cleaned a quarter of my mouth each time.
Every time we go over what I've managed to do with praise, and what I've struggled with without judgement. We do a cleaning (full mouth, unless I have a really bad day, and no numbing necessary anymore!), then together figure out what I can do on the things I struggle with, or if it's better to focus on keeping routine and doing the easier parts until next time.
They have demonstrated and had me demonstrate brushing and flossing techniques several times, given me extra soft brushes with extra tiny heads to make it easier to navigate without slamming into other mouth structures when I get inattentive or impatient, and picked out four different options for toothpaste for my teeths needs.
It's been incredibly helpful to get my teeth healthier. And it makes it easier to visit the dentist knowing that I don't have to do it a lot and that I have other dental professionals in my corner. It also helps me communicate clearly to the dentist when something hurts too much and that they don't need to lecture me because I am already working with a hygienist on my habits thankyouverymuch.
Can't recommend it enough. Provided you are upfront with your issues and they are accepting of them.
I been dealing with ADHD (diagnosed) since the age of 7.
It is a pendulum, but it doesn't just swing back and stop.
Throw in bipolar disorder, and your world can go to shit rapidly and you probably will not understand how until after you've done the damage of trying to fix it.
It's a pretty common occurrence for ADHD and Autistic folks. I'm a little bit autistic (Aspergers) and come from a family where literally everyone but me has ADHD, but I was always generally NT passing due to a lot of anxiety and really high levels of masking. I still am NT passing, but when I was informally diagnosed (by psychologists not psychiatrists) and agreed/identified with the label, I stopped masking as much. I don't know how much other people noticed (they probably didn't), but it was a big difference for me and allowed me to be more aware of the reasons behind some things that I feel and do - and to be able to forgive myself more for not being "normal".
I don't mask as much now, but I'm able to tell people things like "I'm sorry if what I said came off as me being angry or rude, I have a hard time monitoring the tone of my voice and I didn't mean to come off that way". So I have a better level of self-awareness and can still help other people understand my intentions & can communicate better without flat-out outing myself as autistic to other people.
Also though do please try to brush and floss regularly. Tooth pain/cavities/decay are no joke - you only get one set of those bad boys, gums don't grow back, and you can't really imagine how much it sucks to get nerve pain whenever you eat or drink things until it happens to you - then it's too late. (No shame, only F E A R )
I'm curious, what exactly are you doing more today that you didn't before? And I do believe some behaviours, just for practicality's sake and for our own good (and sometimes for the common good too!), should be a bit curtailed even if they're not "bad". Overall, I'm glad you know yourself better today and that you're enjoying it.
Wow :) you're the only one to engage with my post and not the throwaway bit at the end when I randomly thought about dentists.
So I can easily describe to you how my behaviour became less masked using the "golden retriever" analogy. My energy has often been described by close friends as being "golden retriever" like, a bit like Dug, the dog from UP. Kinda goofy and positive and bouncy. Before I knew about ADHD I used to keep that fairly hidden except to friends. Now that I know why I behave like that I can be a lot more me, a lot more of the time. I'm a much happier person for it too.
My leading theory at the moment is that now I feel the world understands and accepts ADHD a lot more, I'm not only dropping the masks I show the world but possibly also the unconscious masking of my behaviour from myself.
I'm still trying to understand the ins and outs of it though hence the question in here. I just wish I hadn't got distracted and added the random thought about dentists. It seems to have triggered a few people. Probably dentists 🤣
I just noticed how they routinely use shaming as a form of control.
Grow up, if your first response to shame is to assume everyone else is wrong you have some work to do to move on from being a teenager.
My wife got absolutely verbally shredded by her dentist during her last visit. She's got severe RSD so she cried about it with me afterwards. She already had dentist trauma from childhood and she put that on the intake form. Bastard.
There are dentists who advertise their more humane approach, it's worth shopping around. You don't have to actually visit them all, in fact it's better not to be in the chair when discussing what you need. Instead you could contact them with a spiel about your own issues regarding tooth care and shaming by dentists. Then pick one who seems to want to try to help you have healthy teeth and a positive experience. Frankly it doesn't matter if they're "faking it" to get your business, if it works for you.
I hate that shit. Find a new dentist. They don’t all do it.
I haven't had that. I also mask because I want other people to not be stressed out or lose energy because I can be a bit much.
Knowing where some things in my head and some issues come from has mostly helped me to accept that some things sometimes I cannot change. So I don't beat myself up about them.
But I'll still keep trying to do my best to remember things and not be a dick for neuro normies. That little bit of masking isnt all that hard anyways.
Yup, I still find things that I have incredibly thick masks on or discover that things I hated are a lot more tolerable now that I'm medicated (driving, mainly). When I first started meds, I couldn't stop talking about them, I was probably quite annoying haha. My whole world changed, to others I didn't seem all that different but to me it was a paradigm shift.