TIL Jesus was only 4 and a half feet tall, and also red for some reason.
this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2025
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Short king
His body is short bread.
Crown of thorns...
Those must've been some really long thorns if he need to be made that much shorter for his crown to fit within the allotted 6'.
The crown is responsible for the red coloring of sweet lord Jesus' skin.
As for the height
People were a lot shorter back then
Is that blood then? Cause that's kind of a lot of blood, especially considering the usual depiction just involves like a few trickles and rivulets, not whole-ass sheets of blood enough to cover even a startlingly short adult.
People were a lot shorter back then
Not that much shorter. The average height for men in ancient Rome, taken from remains recovered from Pompeii/etc, was, to low-ball it, 165cm (5'6") (I can't find a link to the study itself, but it's quoted below), while the global average height today is 5'8", so people were only a couple inches shorter on average 2000 years ago. I suspect the range between minimum and maximum height is greater today because many people near those extremes have health problems that tend to be fatal without treatment, so that may skew perspectives.
The major samples from Herculaneum and Pompeii reveal the stature of the ancient adult body. The average height for females was calculated from the data to have been 155 cm in Herculaneum and 154 cm in Pompeii: that for males was 169 cm in Herculaneum and 166 cm in Pompeii. This is somewhat higher than the average height of modern Neapolitans in the 1960s and about 10 cm shorter than the WHO recommendations for modern world populations.
- Laurence, Ray. "Health and the Life Course at Herculaneum and Pompeii." Health in Antiquity. Ed. Helen King. London: Routledge, 2005.
Now let's do some pixel-counting to figure out how tall big J is in that image. The cave is 640px in height and it's indicated that it's 6', while the J-man is 465px tall.
6' *12 = 72", 640/72 = 8.89px/in.
465/8.89 = 52.3"
So shorty over there is 4'4" tall, or more than a foot shorter than the average height during his lifetime. Also, can I just say: Hell yeah, I fucking nailed it when I guesstimated 4 and a half feet tall in my original comment.
the height, he ate the wax off his edam and you're not supposed to do that its also why hes red
so being a made up pagan and growing up in a cult i don't quite understand christianity. is the reason easter was so late this year because jesus saw his shadow on mardi gras?
We all wanted a 420 themed easter.
The First Council of Nicaea (325) established common Paschal observance by all Christians on the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox.[18] Even if calculated on the basis of the Gregorian calendar, the date of that full moon sometimes differs from that of the astronomical first full moon after the March equinox.[19]
They wanted "first Sunday of Spring" but defined using their calendar, but that calendar doesn't mesh perfectly with our calendar (and has leap months every few years), so converting to Gregorian makes it appear to move around.
They just make shit up as they go and expect everyone to obey and call it the truth.
the first Sunday after the full Moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox.
Definition of arbitrary lol
Yeah, but where's Sadam Hussein?
Where the fuck is Saddam Hussein?
In a Schnitzelbrötchen in Erlangen apparently.
Maybe they just forgot which cave they left him in, couldn't find the right one later and then decided to commit to the resurrection thing rather than admitting that they lost him.
was jesus's first name Kilmar?
So Jesus Christ is the English translation for Saddam Hussein? Interesting, also short king.
TIL that Jesus was 4ft tall.
People were a lot shorter back then
And darker skinned
What? Jesus was shorter than 6ft?
Resting place? More like hiding place lol
He had to come out cause he ran out of water.
Happy zombie Jesus day!
Dude goes on a 3 day bender 2000 years ago so now I gotta hide chocolate eggs in my backyard and pretend a mutant diabetes inducing rabbit put them there.
you could just buy nose candy instead
remember Jesus was pro prostitute
Kids: Dad, there's no Easter eggs outside.
Me coked out of my mind: *Sniffing erratically* REALLY THATS CRAZY DID YOU KNOW IN 1951 THE CIA LACED THE DRINKING WATER OF THE FRENCH TOWN OF POINT SAINT-ESPRIT WITH PSYCHEDELICS WHICH MADE THE RESIDENTS HALLUCINATE SHIT AND THEN BLAMED IT ON MOLDY BREAD!
…Dad?
Fuck, they found me! Better go back out for some milk.
Rabbit and chocolate are not even remotely biblical either. Church adopted that shit to appease pagan converts ages ago.
In the original draft, Jesus was supposed to be an anthropomorphic chocolate throwing rabbit, but the writer was forced to change him to be human for marketing reasons.
He seems pretty short for a messiah
The short king of kings
People thought that Dalton would be taller too.....
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
Ramen
Jesus was tiny.
Hu ^in^ssain