Ask Lemmy

I would like to abolish subscription fees for most items that really shouldn’t have subscription fees. If you bought the item, it should be yours. That’s the point of buying the item.

The stock market.

I would abolish toilets without bidets. You would be legally required to have a bidet in all bathrooms, private and public. Worldwide!

corporate fucking personhood. not that it exists but the friggin false idea that it should and any belief system that lead or may ever lead to it.

Billionaires.

Also, the propagation of the idea that you are poor because of the actions of even poorer people.

Video tutorials without captions/instead of text. I don’t want to watch someone fumble through over 30 minutes what I can skim in 5.

Professional sports teams. I'm just sick of hearing people blather on endlessly about them and expecting me to join in.

Bring back gladiators!

Everyone here being so serious.

Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can't we have just a few adults only places?

No matter what I get some child screaming while I'm trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say "well where are they supposed to go" and my answer is always "literally anywhere else". Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say "well mine are great" which I would say I don't care, but other parents don't care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it's be kids in breweries.

Mosquitoes.

The inconsistency of apostrophe usage in English for possessives and contractions. If it was instead written...

It-s a wonderful day out today, take your phone but turn off it's data so you can soak up the clear blue skies.

It'd be so much fucking easier and my OCD would be satiated.

The need to pee at night.

Unless it was part of it, multiple levels of packaging.

Open up a bag of chips. It's bag, then chips. Perfect world.

Open up a box of cookies from hell. Open up the box. Open up the freshness seal bag. Pull out the individually wrapped cookies, and open those too.

Straight to jail. No question.

Ban streaming services from advertising they have something on their platform and when you go to it, you realize you need to pay for an add-on subscription.

Black licorice. Don’t even try to tell me that shit is candy. It tastes like some horrible byproduct of an outdated process for manufacturing tires.

The word 'literally'.

It's been abused and needs to now just die.

Additionally, anyone uttering that word must be slapped by everyone who hears it.

Dyson hand dryers. Too many dB.

Money in politics.

Teenagers. Just ship 'em off somewhere between the ages of 13 and 18. Pouty, Self-entitled, disrespectful shits.

Dihydrogen monoxide.

Literally kills thousands of people a year.

The colour red so that way whenever somebody goes to "Red Lobster" all they see is "Lobster" on the sign.

Motion-sensing faucets in public bathrooms. I feel like there is somebody behind the mirror trolling me every time.

Property taxes. Land value taxes are just better.

News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. "Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it's inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.". So much of corporate media is this, we've nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer "but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased".

Manchester United Football Club

I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.

Our modern day concept of ownership.

Conservatism

What good has it fucking done us

Socks with sandals

Money. It's just a mechanism of control because those with the power to share never learned to do so. They're the kids at the playground hogging the swing set while everyone else is getting wood chips kicked in their face. Humanity in a nutshell.

Maybe not humorous, but I hope it paints a picture.

Okay, humorously...

Eating pizza with a fork. If you're afraid of hot grease burning a trail down your arm, you don't deserve to enjoy good pizza.

Reasonable exceptions for children and the disabled can be made.

But if you put ranch on it you should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay.