Greentext

Women: asks you to critically investigate their body.

OP: chose to not to take the hint.

For anyone scrolling far enough to read this, all of the correct answers for this, follow the same formula. Statement about how you cannot tell leading into a compliment about their looks.

This can be reversed, complimenting they're looks, and lead into that it is impossible to tell.

Unless she looks like the wicked witch of the west, like one girl I knew. She had surgery at some point, and I only knew her after that happened. I am not exaggerating with that reference.

Bluntly, I couldn't have cared less. Things didn't work out for completely unrelated reasons.

(I have another response.)
Lean away, give her a long look, and gaze deep into her eyes. Tilt your head slightly to the side.

“…. dad?”

In the stunned silence, because she never expected you to be right, tell her that you didn’t think you would see her again after she disappeared on her way to get cigarettes all those years ago.

And then put your hand on her thigh and say “I’ve missed you daddy” with wide eyes.

Gets ‘em every time.

Laura Loomer: Can you guess?

Loomer: Jk all of them.

I wasn't going to say anything. but you asked. yeah Jessica. it looks like you got dragged behind a 4 wheeler for a mile and the EMT's shoved a fucking saddle horn into your skull to stop the bleeding.

"Did they do work on your face to make you less cute? Because I think they botched it."

"It looks perfect! That's why I thought you had work done!"

"Your boobs?"
"My boobs?!"
"Yeah, they look greeeeeeeat" *deliver as Tony the Tiger*

“You had a concerning mole removed from your thigh”

Tell her that her nose looks too perfect, problem solved

My autistic ass would be like "Nope no clue sorry, whatever it was, they a good surgeon 👍"

"Your nose is your cutest feature, that's why I chose it" is the correct response

"Honestly? You look so naturally beautiful I couldn't begin to guess. But if I had to, I'd say your most captivating thing about you is your eyes. Are they the real deal or someone fashion them from starlight?"

Do the following:
First, say something along the lines of: "That is very difficult. On the one hand, you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsman. On the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

Then you sneak out of the bathroom window because by the glorious lord Satan himself, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insists you do something after you refuse

"They must have clipped off your wings, because you look like an angel."

“Oooh, I don’t know. Maaaaybeee your lips, because I can’t stop looking at them. But if you did, then your doctor is really good.”

Deliver it light and kind of flirty and she’s not thinking about whatever trap that question is, she’s thinking about how you just told her you want to kiss her.

If it’s for any other reason - making sure an insecurity is unknown, wanting to springboard into a conversation, wanting to see how you react if she baits you into saying something dumb, or even having her own flirty line to deliver about it - she’ll probably get to it. Assuming you haven’t wooed her into a voracious make out session.

"The left one?"

I want to get whatever Jeff bezos had done so that my face looks like it's going to explode when I talk

Labia reduction

she clearly wants you to compliment her natural features, play along citizen.

I don't care that you used to be a dude, but I must say, the surgeon did an amazing job.

Insist, not to pick something then. You can easily explain that it's a lose-lose: either something is wrong with a natural body part or they didn't do a good job. And both of you feel bad afterwards.

" Well, I know it isnt all that stuff that clearly needs work"

Sounds like trouble is they ever get into a relationship.

I’d say something dumb like, “Why would you only have work done on one breast, that’s weird.” Though I guess there’s situations with breast cancer and mastectomies and such, but plastic surgery on boobs would be my immediate first guess, not even considering what else might be done.