I get the bag ready while she's dropping the duece.

Of course people touch those all the time. Maybe they sneezed before entering the store etc. Always wash the things you consum before because you never know.

And with the bag you just breath on your findertips and then you have some grip. And the you, of course, proceed to touch every vegetable and fruit you can lay your filthy fingers on.

Pff. I once saw some crack-y woman using the entire shelf of makeup in the store.

OMG. Did you know you have germs on you RIGHT NOW!?

Better drink bleach to take care of the germs internally too, just to be safe.

The "Mr. Miyagi" technique.

It’s worth pointing out that this only works if your plan is sufficiently evil.

Don't lick your fingers. Unless you just washed your hands. This is how you get sick.

Touch your fingers on a damp/wet vegetables instead.

Come on.

1. Find correct end of bag, bag will tell you which is correct

2. Place that end of bag between your (dry, not breathed on, non-disgusting) palms

3. Rub back and forth a few times

4. Enjoy your open bag

Pro tip: use reusable vegetable bags

I think they are for checkout convenience. That's why they're so thin, don't mess up the weight.

Dirt AND shit!

• Loose small produce like beans or cherries - keeps them all together.

• Moistened produce like kale or cilantro - keeps everything else in the bag from getting wet.

• Produce with flaky detritus like onions or garlic - keeps pieces of peel from getting everywhere.

• Raw meat prone to leakage - keeps other items in the bag from being exposed to potential pathogens.

They sell reusable mesh bags to help with the first scenario, but they aren't really helpful for the other 3. I also try to be mindful of not buying more reusable bags I don't need because most of those end up in landfills long before the 100/200/500/20,000 uses needed to offset the number of plastic bags you'd use otherwise.

Paper bags would help for the first and third scenarios as well, but not the other two. And single-use paper is nearly as bad.

Babies' diapers leak and the carts are almost never cleaned.

I don't want the stuff I buy to touch the shopping cart or the conveyor also it is easier to separate them from other stuff in the fridge when you get back home

My personal lifehack is to hold the side that opens between my lips and blow, that loosens them up pretty reliably.

And if you're lucky it makes a farting noise, so I consider that a bonus.

I just eat the bag, its easier, free and delicious with the added benefit of supplying my daily microplastic demand

My fingers naturally can open them dry, no need for licking.

Even prorer tip: pull the handles gently apart from each other, the pulling will make the plastic to come apart and then you can grab the edges and open it.

This works in finnish supermarkets, dunno if the bags are the same over there.