this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
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I work in hospice, so comfort and a peaceful passing is always our goal. There are some deaths that are more unfortunate than others, but with support the majority of deaths under care thankfully aren't "shaking and pained gasping." Still far from the Hollywood version of being coherent enough to pass along one final message before heading into a bright light. When these types of media are the most common source of information regarding death, it can definitely be more challenging to prepare a family or patient for what's to come.
That “final moments” thing is hard.
The last time my mother was remotely coherent was about a week and a half before she died (cancer, hospice, at home, 2010 when I was 23), and she said some really awful stuff to me and about me that still sticks with me today..
I know her brain was heavily misfiring at that point, because she also called me mommy and curled up in my lap, but it still never really leaves. It’s an incredibly painful memory I have of her last moments of being able to communicate.. and I had/have no idea how to handle it.
Also that whole closing the eyes thing? Yeah, I was incredibly disturbed that that doesn’t work at all. There’s a reason they cover the face with a sheet.
Upvote and thanks for doing the meaningful, difficult work that you do.