HPFanfictionPrompts

Hermione had found and revived a trapped Godric Gryffindor in a hidden alove above the shifting stairs.

Unfortunately some of his views were... problematic.

"We must muster our forces immediately."

"Erm against whom?"

"What do you mean whom? Against the Danes. They keep raiding our humble homes and stealing our mead. Them ."

He spat In anger. Madame Pomfrey winced.

"Danes? Er You mean the Vikings? we are at peace with them now. ", Dumbledore said calmly.

Gryffindor Roared "WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEACE. NO PEACE CAN UNTIL THE LAST DANESMAN IS DEAD." He said, not so calmly.

"And why would school children fight the vikings?"

"Whom else would we gather to stand against the Norse?. The perfumed from Aethelred's court?. Only we here at Hogwarts school of Warcraft and Wizardry can stop them before it's too late" Gryffindor said, his jowls vibrating in rage. His yellowed teeth gnashing in hate.

"But..."

"Gimme a minute. I need to go piss. Get my steed ready in the meantime Girl" He said and left.

(He spat again for good measure).

Madame Pomfrey looked at Dumbledore in shock.

"What steed? Professor what should we do?"

"Alas. I am starting to understand why they put him up there" Dumbledore said grimly.

"Wait. Did anyone tell how modern bathrooms work?"

"Oh No."

For instance, when Potter was trying to do a spell in class, Draco discreetly made it look like Potter did the spell first try - and so Potter would get points for Gryffindor ... for something he didn't do. Draco knew the guilt would eat away at him, so he would do it as often as possible. How truly diabolical of him. (Harry really didn't understand why Malfoy kept helping him, but had no interest in stopping him. After all, free points and he would learn the spells anyway)

Potter was unaware of the first task, huh? Well good thing Draco was there to spoil it for him. Draco made sure to tell him all about the dragons, and the details of the task (that he had stolen from Dumbledore's desk). Now the surprise of the first task was spoiled for Potter, and he would never get that first time reaction to the task. He would also be panicking over the thought of facing dragons. That'll show him. How extremely nasty of him. (Harry was honestly grateful for the information, even if Hagrid would give him the information a few days later. It gave him a head start on preparing for the task. He was just confused as to why Malfoy kept helping him despite hating him.)

Potter and Daphne Greengrass clearly being into each other, but not allowed to be together by Daphne's parents? Draco was able to trick them into accidentally signing a marriage contract, so now they were FORCED to be together. Their relationship was now unnaturally made, with their choice taken away from them. Draco knew they would grow to resent and hate each other. How legally evil of him. (Harry and Daphne had been secretly dating for a while at this point, so they just shrugged and went along with it. After all, it was an easy excuse to openly be together.)

Potter had the Dark Lord as his arch-nemesis, and was looking to fight him in a epic final battle? Not on Draco's watch. Draco gathered the horcruxes and captured Voldemort & Nagini, and had them tied up in a unbreakable room. Then he tricked Potter into casting fiendfyre into the room. Now Potter couldn't get the glory of killing the Dark Lord in front of everyone. He would always know that he beat a guy who was all tied up, with absolutely no effort whatsoever. Potter would be devastated at the missed opportunity to show off, and would be upset and filled with shame. How ultimately horrible of him. (Harry was really confused as to why Malfoy had basically done all the work, but he didn't really care. He didn't want the attention after all, and this avoided a lot of people dying.)

Potter and Greengrass were going to get married, huh? Would be a shame if Draco ruined that. How about by revolutionising a cure to Astoria's blood curse, requiring a ritual to be used which just so happened to be only doable on the wedding day, forcing them to delay it. Now their perfect wedding was ruined, and it could never be perfect. Draco had won. How amazingly monstrous of him. (Harry and Daphne were relieved at Astoria being cured, and were more than happy to delay the wedding for this ritual. After all, the wedding could happen anytime. Saving family? That could only happen now.)

Oh, were the Potter's now trying for a child? Well Draco had plans to ruin that for them. He would discreetly drug Daphne Potter with a fertility potion making it easier for them to have a child. However, he then done it again and again and again - thereby they would have loads of children like the Weasley's. The shame and embarrassment of having a family that big would haunt them for the rest of their lives, alongside the disgust of being compared to those disgusting Weasley's. How biologically terrible of him. (Harry and Daphne actually wanted a big family, so this was truly a blessing for them. Even if they had no idea of Malfoy's involvement at all. They also actually liked the Weasley's, and unlike Draco Malfoy they had no misplaced feelings of inferiority towards them.)

The Ministry was making a monument dedicated to the victory over the Dark Lord, and Draco knew that Potter was going to want it to be all about him, like the glory hound he is. So he went out of his way to ensure the monument would barely have Potter on it at all, and would have the names of everyone who died during the war. Potter couldn't hog the attention now, and would be forced to see all those who died because of him. How universally malicious of him. (Harry preferred it this way. The Ministry originally wanted a statue of him, Ron and Hermione. But none of them liked that idea. A monument with the names of those who died on it would mean they would never truly be forgotten, and would be about them, not him.)

"Hello, Harry." Dumbledore said. "That's Lord Hadrian Perevell-Potter-Black-Slytherin-Griffindor-Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff-Pendragon-Emrys to you, old man!"

Dumbledore shook his head in disappointment, sadness clearly visible on his face.

"I had a student once who proclaimed himself Lord. He also made up a new name for himself, and demanded to be obeyed. Yet to me, he will always be Tom. And that's what I call him whenever I have the misfortune to meet with him face to face. Sadly, you are not so different from him, Harry."

"Wait, what?" Harry said. "Earlier today, me and Ron got into an argument about Quidditch. At first, I thought he was just being ignorant, but the longer we talked, the more I realized that he really knows his stuff. I admit, I was captivated." Cho blushed. "In the end, he blurted something out about not having a date to the Yule Ball, so I offered to go with him."

Harry wanted to say something, but he honestly didn't know what. He was utterly stunned by this revelation. "Anyway, I have to go, Harry! Please tell Ron we have to talk more about Quidditch sometime!" Cho said right before she left.

Harry himself was speechless. The girl he had a crush on was going to the Yule Ball with his best friend. And somehow, he had a feeling that Hermione wasn't going to be happy about this either.

"We almost died in there!"

Harry yelled at them, as Lily knelt down to her son's level.

"Oh Harry, that's just the standard trial for third years that's been happening for hundreds of years."

"Including the FUCKING FIRE MONSTER THAT TRIED TO BURN US ALL INTO ASH?!"

"That's how your father's friend Peter Pettigrew died when he was thirteen, poor fucker never saw it coming. I convinced your father to replace Pettigrew with Severus, though it took a lot of convincing. Like three dates."

Harry crossed his arms and scowled

"Don't fret, keeping the peace between your father and Uncle Severus is how you ended up with two older siblings. and your ten younger siblings." Lilly told Harry

"And if it makes you feel better Crabbe and Goyle died during their trial. Dumbledore already sent a condolences letter to their parents and has promised to at least give both boys ten seconds of silence to remember them. I just hope he can control his inner scumbag." Remus said

Later at the dinner, Dumbledore stood up in black robes "Tonight we remember the life of someone special. But now let's talk about these two dead stupid inbred children." Dumbledore said, waving his wand to show an image of Crabbe and Goyle."

"ALBUS!" McGonagall shrieked as Dumbledore barely looked at her "Oh be quiet Minerva, I heard these two idiots fell in the lava after seeing a candy bar strapped to the wall. If they weren't so inbred this wouldn't have happened." Dumbledore said cheerfully

It backfires, succeeding beyond his wildest expectation.

Harry (very drunk): "How do I make it more unlikable? "

Fred (equally sloshed): "how about we call you Hadrian and have every 11 year old talk like 50 year old british diplomats. It's 'Heir Malfoy' this 'Lord Potter' that"

George: "I know let's add in a gratuitous Snape malfoy Harry Sirius love quadrangle."

            ~ 6 months later~

"They want a what?"

"A sequel and multiple movies. You will be played by holly-wood actress Jarrett Sohansson and Snape by actor Edris Ilba.

"..."

"..."

"How much did you say they will pay me again?"

Harry: "What happened?"

Sirius: "On my 15th birthday... I only got 36 presents."

Hary: "Well, that's a lot..."

Sirius: "But the year before... the year before I got 37!"

Walburga's Portrait: "But sweetie, those presents were quite a bit bigger than the previous year!"

Sirius: "I DON'T CARE, MUM! IT WAS JUST ANOTHER SLAP IN THE FACE AFTER YOU GAVE AWAY MY SECOND BEDROOM TO REGULUS!"

Walburga's Portrait: "Sweetie, I know it was hard on you, but that disgusting squib brother of yours barely even fit into that cupboard under the stairs anymore. And it was really embarassing, not having a place to hide him in anymore whenever someone came to visit-"

Sirius: "SHUT UP, MUM, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

"Oh no." Harry went pale as he finally realised the horrible truth.

"Excuse me?" Petunia Dursley said to her sister, shocked that she suddenly showed up at her doorstep at Privet Drive, cradling a baby boy who was probably her nephew Harry.

"Our son Hadrian was attacked by the dark wizard Voldemort and survived his killing curse. The curse backfired, so now Voldemort is dead and it's because of Hadrian! Now he's very famous as the Boy Who Lived and destined for great things! Dumbledore told us it's him, because Hadrian has a V-shaped scar on his forehead. V-shaped, like Voldemort, it's symbolic!"

Confused Petunia looked at her nephew Harry, the scar on his forehead catching her interest. "But Harry also has a scar. It's a lightning bolt, does that not hold any special significance for you freaks?" she asked Lily.

"I don't know, Dumbledore didn't seem interested in that. In fact, he said that Harry's probably a squib. That's why he should stay with you dirty muggles, so that we can focus on our famous son Hadrian and his destiny!" Lily said.

"And why should I take him in?" Petunia sneered at Lily. "It's not like you and that freak you married are dead, take care of your own baby, you deadbeat!"

"Because Dumbledore said so!" Lily said as if that explained everything. "Who cares what some senile old fool running a school for freaks said? Leave me alone!" Petunia screamed as she slammed the door in Lily's face. "Well, that was incredibly rude! Wait 'till Dumbledore hears about this, you horse-faced bint!" Lily screamed at her, but then she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Hello, Lily." said clearly angry Sirius Black. "I had hoped I heard wrong, but it seems the rumours about you and James getting rid of Harry and trying to have him adopted by your cruel sister who hates you and everything connected to you are unfortunately true!"

"Yes, Dumbledore told us to do that and me and James agreed that's the best thing to do. We have to make sure Hadrian gets our full attention, after all! Harry would just get in the way!" Lily explained and if she were even a bit less self-centered, she could maybe notice by the expression on Sirius' face that his opinion of her sank even lower than before.

"You know, if you really can't raise Harry together with his brother Hadrian for whatever reason, why not have me take care of Harry? I'm his godfather, that's literally what I'm supposed to do!" Sirius growled.

"Alright, fine, you can have this brat. But if Dumbledore gets angry, it's on you!" Lily said as she tossed Harry into Sirius' arms. "Don't worry, I'll deal with Dumbledore!" Sirius growled, a look of disgust on his face. "But first, I'm gonna go knock some sense into James!"

The Battle of Hogwarts is still waged, and Neville kills Nagini. But when Voldemort issues his ultimatum, Hermione talks Harry out of sacrificing himself to a madman who probably isn't going to keep his word. Harry heads into the Forbidden Forest fully intending to go down fighting – with the entirety of the surviving DA and Order members backing him up. While his friends keep the Death Eaters busy, Harry duels Voldemort. And through some miracle, he wins.

But because Voldemort still has one last Horcrux left, he cannot fully die. Reduced to a wraith once more, he flees the battle, leaving the leaderless Death Eaters to be defeated by the defenders of Hogwarts. Harry watches the feeble wraith disappear into the shadows, grim satisfaction settling in his nerves. The battle is won. The war is over. But at the same time, a more profound realization takes place.

It is now their collective duty as a society, Harry realizes, to make sure Voldemort cannot return. As a wraith, Voldemort is powerless – without his supporters to aid him, he can't even interact with the physical world, let alone cast any magic. But if Wizarding society is left to continue the same path as it has been before the war, it won't be long before a surviving pureblood supremacist seeks to reinstate him. Which is why it falls upon them, the new generation of wizards and witches, the future of British magical society, to strip down the old pureblood agendas and bring forth a new and more inclusive future. They must get rid of any surviving Death Eaters for good and show the world that the supposed purity of one's genealogy is so meaningless as to be laughably ridiculous, that Magical Britain can only flourish by rejecting that hateful rhetoric. It is a battle that must be waged as long as Harry lives, a constant vigil to ensure the Dark Lord can never return.

. . .

Over a century later, Harry Potter departs this world, greeting Death like an old friend. Over a long and prosperous life, Harry, his beloved wife Hermione, and his best friend Ron have led sweeping changes across the length and breadth of Magical Britain and forged an unprecedented era of equality across all origins and species. And as Harry exhales his last breath, surrounded by numerous children and grandchildren and all the people whose lives he and his friends changed for the better, the last remaining trace of Voldemort also dies with him. After being forced to watch from the shadows for the past hundred years as every last vestige of the beliefs he espoused were systematically torn down in every facet of society, the once-feared Dark Lord fades away alone and forgotten, never to rise again.

"Voldemort had to think I was gone for good if I he were to reveal himself and make himself vulnerable. It was the only way, Harry." Dumbledore said.

"Did... did your brother volunteer himself for this?" Harry asked and by the look on Dumbledore's face, the answer to his question was suddenly obvious."

"Harry, you have to understand... sometimes, there are sacrifices to be made..." Dumbledore started to explain, but Harry cut him off.

"Did Snape know?" came another question from Harry. "Severus had to think I was cursed... that I was dying. That was the only way he'd go through with it..."

"Yeah, that's right. I used the Confundus charm to ensure the goblet would choose me, but it seems that it was too strong and it instead entered me under a fourth school." said the Durmstrang student Harry Poter, while the Hogwarts student Harry Potter stood nearby, listening to the conversation, relieved that this was seemingly just a huge misunderstanding.

"And your name is Harry Poter with one 't'?" Dumbledore asked as he glanced at the parchment.

"Yeah." Harry Poter nodded. "But the parchment has the name 'Harry Potter' on it with two letter t's!" Dumbledore said and Poter went pale as he checked the parchment. "Dammit, I always get confused and write it wrong!" Poter sighed. "This is my handwriting for sure though."

"Well, seems like I accidentaly entered you instead." Poter said to Harry Potter. "Erm, sorry for that?"

Voldemort has just risen from the cauldron, given his wand and robe by Pettigrew. He spots Harry still tied to the Reaper stone and hisses triumphantly, "Harry Potter... It's been a long time since I've laid eyes on you. You did well at the room with the mirror."

Harry cracked a grin, "Thanks, Phil."

Voldemort turned to the teen and regarded him curiously, "Phil?"

Harry shrugged apologetically, "Well, you know all of those hyphenated names people like to come up with for us? I'm 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' and you're 'You-Know-Who' amongst others. It's gotten so bad that Draco Malfoy, Lucius' son, came up with the new name of Phil for you since there are dozens of people who we might know which just makes it all so confusing."

Voldemort couldn't help the oily smirk that crossed his face, "There are worse things to be called besides 'Phil,' I suppose."

Harry chuckled ruefully, "Yeah, and that was one of the tamer names that have been making the rounds at school. The students in Slytherin have gotten good at coming up with them. They say that they've got the right to come up with the names because of who their parents are. Heck, some of their parents were coming up with some doozies!"

A dark fire lit Voldemort’s eyes as he hissed dangerously, "Do tell..."

"why, one of those names was Hadrian" Harry said "Pansy Parkinson came up with that idea".

"maybe you could take that name" Voldemort said.

"no, that would make me sound as pretentious as Draco Malfoy".

"hmm, what a good point, any others" Voldemort said.

"Crab has been calling you luscious".

"Lucius Malfoys middle name?" Voldemort asked "really?".

"didn't know that was his middle name but yeah, Goyle calls you Ronald McDonald"

"what?"

"yes, Luna Lovegood has been calling you Albus Severus Potter" Harry said "and i have no idea why, she claims i will name my second son after Dumbledore and Snape"

"does she claim that you have another son called Gilderoy Tom Potter? id say you must have been drunk or something to come up with that name, unless you weren't the one to choose the name" Voldemort said, "but enough about weird names for hypothetical great grand children...i mean children".

"what?" Harry asked.

"its a long story" Voldemort said "anyway back to names ive been called".

"well Lavender brown has been calling you the Lich King, Dumbledore has been calling you Tom without jerry, Flitwick has been calling you Sir Noseless, Minister Fudge has been calling you the thing that is not alive, Hermione has been calling you Moldy Voldy, Ron Weasley has been calling you. Ginny Weasley has been calling you Dragon Food, Delores Umbridge has been calling you her Rival".

"eww, i remember that toad" Voldemort said "and why the dragon food one"

"well she did one up her brother Charlie by taming a three wild dragons that are larger than whales, but that is besides the point" Harry said.

"i suppose it is" Voldemort said.

"i call you Mr Wizard" Avery said, bringing Harry and Voldemort out of the odd conversation they had been having with all the death eaters standing in a circle still.
"i call you Mr Burns" Crabs said.

"i thought that was what we called Lucius" Goyle said.

"no you fool, we call him Loony luscious" Crab said, before grabbing his wand and pointing it at Goyle, before casting a spell, but the wand was backwards, and Crab Launched himself into the sun.

"Mr Crabs, where are you going" Goyle said to the rapidly vanishing Crab.

"not this again, i am surrounded by Idiots" Voldemort.

"Hey" Harry yelled.

"i call the Dark lord the Dancing Queen" a random death eater said out of nowhere.

"Where?" Voldemort asked,

"Somewhere in the sands of Vegas" Snape Replied.

"Tell them to Comb the desert you hear me. Comb the desert".

"Yes Sir" Snape said.

Somewhere in Vegas, Peter Pettigrew stood on a sandy ridge, near Lucius Malfoy who was wearing a oddly large tan helmet. while several other death eaters were walking across the desert, dragging giant hair combs.

"Sir?" Peter asked, before Lucius casted sonorous on himself "WHAT?".

"are we being to literal?" Peter asked.

"NO YOU FOOL WE ARE FOLLOWING ORDERS, WE WERE TOLD TO COMB THE DESERT SO WERE COMBING IT" Lucius said, before undoing the Sonorous, and looking out to the death eaters who were combing the desert.

"Found anything yet?" he asked

"Nothing yet Sir" a death eater said.

"How about you?" Lucius asked another death eater

"not a thing sir" the death eater said

"what about you guys?" Lucius asked Bellatrix and Rookwood

"We ain't found shit" Bellatrix said.