AITAH

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/J8gsiw18 on 2023-08-12 01:18:40.

My friend Leigh (28F) caught her husband (30M) in his car, jerking off to my (27F) Instagram pictures.

Obviously I’m icky about it too, but my friend is insisting I talk to her husband and tell him to stop, because I owe her. I don’t think this is my fault, nor is it my problem and told her as much.

She’s now blocked me and bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. Leigh is saying I led her husband on, coming between their marriage and that I refuse to “fix” the problem.

I posted my side of the mess on my Insta, basically telling everyone who follows me my side of the story to clear the air. She says I’m dramatic and have taken it to a public level it didn’t need to get to.

Most of our mutuals agree I had the right to defend myself, but there are others saying I went too far. I didn’t regret how I felt about it, or what I did, but the people saying I’m the TA for making it public, including a best friend Leigh and I share, are making me wonder if I actually am. So am I?

TLDR; friend’s husband gets off to my pictures. friend wants me to talk to her husband and make him stop. she started spreading gossip about me when I said no, so I cleared my name via insta post.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/AtmosphereEnt on 2023-08-12 00:33:17.

I(M23) have been dating my girlfriend(F23) for 2 years, known each other for 4. We met at college and after graduating we began dating and moved in together shortly after. When we began dating my girlfriend was overweight but now obese. We used to go on walks, hikes, and workout together.

The past year she has been doing less and less actively, while I have been keeping up. I work a physical job which requires a lot of moving heavy equipment and constantly being on my feet while she works a desk job. She has began gaining weight rapidly around 6 months ago. The first 6 months of the year she gained around 30 pounds and in the last 6 months around 100. This is due mostly to her getting takeout during her lunch and then getting takeout again for dinner. Her Weight gain isn't an issue for me, I love her and honestly don't really care. I do miss our walks and hikes but we still spend time together

Onto the real issue. We have an on/off sex life we can go months without doing it and then consistently for weeks. I do almost all the initiating. Since my girlfriends weight gain she has begun to wear sweaters during sex. I'm glad she can be more comfortable during the act and I used to be able to put my hands underneath and still feel her but recently she has stopped this. This made me not want to have sex with her at all. I don't want to have sex with a sweater I want to have sex with her. I stopped initiating for this reason and it took her almost 3 weeks to notice, at the end of the three weeks she initiated for the first time in a while and I politely shut it down, she responded to this by getting mad at me. I explained that while I enjoy sex I just don't get turned on by touching a sweater. She explained that she's insecure and I shouldn't punish her for this. I asked her if she wanted me to just fake it and she said no. She said that sex is just going to require me not touching her or seeing her.

Here's where I believe I may be the asshole. I told her that maybe sex isn't for her then. She immediately got up and began telling me how inconsiderate I am and that even though her body is changing she still has needs. I suggested masturbation as thats what I do when she doesn't want to have sex for longer periods of time. She got upset saying she wanted to have sex with me. She then left for a couple of hours, in this time she didn't respond to any of my texts asking her to please come home and talk this through. When she did come home she asked me to sleep on the couch so I did.

This morning she left before I was awake. During the day she didn't respond to any of the texts I had sent the night before or the one I had sent today asking how she was feeling and if she wanted to have dinner together to talk (we normally don't have dinner together as my work ends around 8-9PM). She never responded but I left work early and when I came home she wasn't there. I asked where she was but she responded she's at dinner with her sister and that she'll text when she's ready. I think she's overreacting by not talking to me and making me sleep on the couch.

AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/FalleNtsu on 2023-08-11 21:21:31.

For some context I 30M live with my GF 28F about 10 min away from my Mother 60F. M was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer early this year about 3 weeks after my grandmother my mother's mother passed away. This has been a rough time for all of us and it seems like we never get a break. After my mother was first diagnosed she went into the hospital to have fluid drained from her chest as she was struggling to breathe and that's how we found out she had lung cancer. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks and I went to visit her every day at first then every second day till she came out. once she was out of the hospital I continued to visit my mother every 2nd day to help her with things around the house, bring her food move things around, and just do general things that she couldn't do. It was also at this time that she started Chemotherapy and immunotherapy. These put her under a lot of strain and she lost a lot of weight and became very lethargic. it was around this time that I would still visit her every 2 days but also bring food, help with shopping, and again anything else she needed. During this time it has been very taxing on me as everything has now had to revolve around my mother. She expects me to always reply to any messages within 10 min when she calls me I should be at her house within 10 min and just always be available. In the beginning, this was not too bad as like I said I live 10 min from her and I work from home with flexible hours. However, over the last few months, this constant need has put a major strain on me personally and I am just tired of always having to drop everything and come running. My GF has confronted me recently in tears saying she feels horrible for this but that it feels like my mother is abusing me and taking advantage of me. She says this because my mother has used emotional blackmail on me before to get her way and generally whenever my mother feels like I'm not doing enough will convince me that I need to do more. Then yesterday I had to take my mother to the hospital again as she has developed flu-like symptoms which can be very bad with her current constitution as it can be fatal. The problem is that after I took her to the hospital and checked her in I then told her I would be visiting on the weekend. and she started to cry saying that I need to think about her and that it wasn't good enough. We also had a call earlier today where she cried on the phone telling me I need to think about her and sit in her shoes to understand how she feels. I understand that she is very lonely as she never dated after my parents divorced when I was 7 and she raised me by herself since then. But over time it's getting harder and harder to keep caring and to keep doing the things to make her happy and it's putting strain on my relationship. So I wanted to ask the fair people of Reddit WIBTA if I told my mother to just leave me alone and that I'm tired of her and her neediness

Info: Sorry, I should have added this originaly but after her last few rounds of chemo, the tumors in her lungs have reduced by almost 50%. Unfortunately, there is no way to completely get rid of the cancer however if the treatment continues to go well then she will be able to have many more years ahead of her

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ThrowRA-Adagio-772 on 2023-08-11 22:39:44.

I m18 grew up with both my parents but they were divorced. My father lived in California and my mother lived in Texas. Since they both wanted custody of me, the custody arrangement was that I would spend the school year with one parent and holidays with the other and then when the next school year changed I would spend the school year with the parent I spent holidays with and the parent I lived with last school year, I would see on holidays. This was how it was since I was 6-years-old. (I hope this doesn't confuse anybody).

That being said, I love both my parents but after the divorce I enjoyed living with my father and once I got older I resented visiting my mom. No, she wasn't abusive per se, but she was morbidly obese. Before my parents divorced, she was still big but she was still able to do things for herself. After the divorce, she let herself go to the point that since I was 10, she weighed more than 550 pounds. Even hitting 600 pounds, a few times. Because of this, I was in charge of fixing her meals, bathing her, doing her laundry, etc. I was a 10-year-old boy who was raising his mother. This was worse when she started dating her childhood friend who was a feeder. He would consistently feed her fast food, sweets, and just overall unhealthy food. Then he would leave me to deal with the aftermath, sometimes she would eat so much she would throw up all over herself, and I would have to clean it up. Sometimes she would even sh*t herself, and yup, I would have to clean it.

This took a toll on me, my father wanted to get full custody but I felt guilty leaving my mom behind because who would take care of her? That being said, because I was my mom's caretaker even though I was living with her during the school year, I could never join sports or clubs because I had to get home immediately to take care of her. I could never hang out with friends outside of school and didn't get a job until this summer. Taking care of her wasn't the worst part, it was her consistent crying about how she looked and then after her break down she would stuff her face with McDonald's that her boyfriend would buy her. It made me resent and hate her.

That being said, I graduated in 2023, and I'm going to a college that's 30 minutes away from my dad's home. My mother knows about this and she's always telling me to come to visit "because who will take care of her". When she said this sentence, it make me feel like she only wants me around. She doesn't have enough money for a full-time caretaker because she hasn't worked since I was 8. I don't know why, but I felt upset and I blurted out that once I moved she probably will never see me again. She must have thought I was joking because she jokingly asked "Oh yeah, why is that?" I told her everything that I listed above and I was done being her caregiving I told her she needed to lose weight before I would even think about visiting her. This upset her greatly, and she started to cry calling me every name in the book, so I just packed what I could, and now I'm staying with some friends for a week before I leave to stay in California full-time.

I can't shake off this guilty feeling so AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/NoAppearance8153 on 2023-08-11 22:36:31.

I F(26) and my ex M(28) (i’ll call him Harry) met when we were in high school, we met through mutual friends and instantly connected. We started dating not long after i finished high school and everything seemed to be going extremely fast. We moved in together after college and 2 years after moving in i fell pregnant with our daughter. He was automaticall excited to become a father and i was thrilled that we was going to become a little family. That was until during labour i got a call from Harry’s friend telling me that harry was supposed to meet him but didn’t show, i told him i had tried getting in touch with him myself as i was about to give birth we then became worried. After i had given birth, harry’s friend rang me back to tell me harry is at his affair partners house. I was shocked, i hung up and started crying thankfully my mum was with me and calmed me down. Harry tried to explain himself but i didn’t care i immediately packed my bags, took my name off the lease and went to live with my parents. That was 5 years ago and i am now in a much better place physically and mentally. Me and Harry co parent our daughter and he is engaged to the woman he cheated on me with which stung but i got over it. They have 2 kids together but once his fiancé had their second child she found out due to complications within birth she couldn’t have more kids. They were both crushed and i sympathised with them mainly out of trying to keep peace for my daughter. 2 days ago i got sent a message from harry’s fiancé asking me if we could meet at a local cafe, to me this was odd as we never really spoke unless at parties and gatherings for a few minutes but i usually spoke to harry regarding everything else. I replied “sure” and we met yesterday morning, as soon as i walked in it was her and harry sat at a table so i automatically knew something was up. I walked over and sat down and they said “they was just going to come out and say it” Harry spoke up and said “due to us not being able to have another child we was wondering if you would be our surrogate” I was stunned i laughed and said “this is a joke right” to which his fiancé replied “we are dead serious, we want at least 5 babies so we need you to be a surrogate for us for 3 babies” i laughed more and said “YOU you want me to carry 3 babies for you” i literally couldn’t stop laughing at the audacity to ask such a thing from me. His fiancé started crying and called me so many names i genuinely think she was making some up along the way, she stormed out and harry turned to me and said “this is why we didn’t work, you’re a horrible human being you’re so heartless we asked one thing from you and you laugh in our faces” As to which i replied “NO we didn’t work because you’re a cheating scumbag you have 2 kids 3 including our daughter, you want a surrogate then save all the money you spend on your fiancés rich lifestyle and get one” I left the cafe and went to my mums house when i got there i was bombarded with calls and texts from my ex, his fiancé, his mum and dad and sisters, and even his fiancés family. All calling me an ahole my family are on my side but honestly i just want to know if i was abit harsh on them, am i the ahole for just laughing at them?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Feisty-Importance-44 on 2023-08-11 22:41:32.

My husband has been hanging out with his guy friends every weekend for about a month. It generally doesn't bother me at all but lately he has been saying "I will be home after this beer" and that one beer turns in to 6 and him coming home in an uber around 3-4am. And well, I want to hang out with my husband. There's never any ill blood or fighting about it. I know he needs his friends, as we are currently going through a stressful time and he needs to decompress. However, when he went out on Saturday I told him "if you aren't home by 8 I'm coming to find your ass". He laughed, said he would be home by 8 and that was it.

Well, by 9 he still wasn't home. I knew this was going to happen so I planned it all out. I had already gone to the store and picked up a 30 rack and, this is actually kind of embarrassing, but I threw on some of his clothes, put my hair up and put a hat on to make myself look more manly and headed over to his buddies house, where I knew he was. When I walked through the door my husband starts dying laughing and bear hugs me. His buddies (I'm close to 3 of them) were also heavily amused and thanked me for the beer. There was no issue there. However, one of the guys that I don't know all that well lives next door and his wife came over livid at like 2am and starts scolding him about being out so late, etc etc (they have a baby at home so it's 100% understandable). As soon as she saw me standing there, shit hit the fan even more. She started accusing him of lying about it being guys night. I did interject and say that I actually invited myself after my own husband didn't come home when he said but she just put her hand up to me and told her husband to get home. I thought that would be the end of it but my husband actually got a text from this guy yesterday saying that me showing up caused serious issues in his marriage and that next time he should tell me to "stay the fuck home". My husband obviously laughed it off and said it isn't my fault theres issues in their marriage and that he was amused by me showing up but now I feel utterly terrible. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/IllustratorUpbeat865 on 2023-08-11 22:02:05.

I didn't intend to embarrass her but I don't feel that matters, really. My husband and I just welcomed our last baby in to this world 5 weeks ago. My company gave me 3 months paid leave and his company offered him 4 weeks. I'm not sure what exactly went wrong but during his 4 weeks out, he was fired. They said it was due to budget cuts but I'm almost leaning toward them being salty that he took time off because they are short staffed and "needed him". We are currently looking in to wrongful termination and unemployment while he's job searching. On the income I get from paid leave, we do have bills covered but it's like every single penny that I have coming in. I have had to start couponing heavily and go to food banks and even then, sometimes me and my husband are still hungry. We are now facing the possibility that we might not actually have a place by next week because they raised our rent by $300 and I absolutely cannot afford it and our landlord is far from lenient or willing to work with us. Fingers crossed that unemployment kicks on by then but we are preparing for the worst. It's been a very, very stressful few weeks.

Last week my MIL had asked if she, my SIL, and my 2 BILs could come see the baby and stated that they would bring a bunch of food and prepare us a nice meal and keep an eye on our kids so we could catch a break. We of course accepted the offer and they all came by on Sunday. At some point or another my husband was talking to his brother about how stressed he is and how he feels like it's his fault we could potentially be homeless by next month and was basically asking him if he knew of any cheaper end rentals or any work available in his field. My SIL overheard and included herself, telling him to go work at McDonald's if we are that hard up (he already applied there). But then it switched and she goes "that's okay, I have no idea how I'm going to make my cruise payment this week so I guess we are all screwed". She booked a cruise for next year and is doing monthly installments. So I said "'That's okay?' In what world is your luxury trip in any way comparable to us potentially becoming homeless?" She immediately stopped talking and her face went beet red but nothing else was mentioned. However, I just got a text from her this morning saying that she "is trying to get over the fact that I embarrassed her the way I did but she can't and since I knowingly embarrassed her without apology, she will be going no contact". AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ConanDD on 2023-08-11 19:47:20.

EDIT: The title is incorrect. I meant: AITAH For being jealous of my boyfriends lesbian ROOMMATE

I actually just posted this to offmychest but I actually decided that I want some unbiased opinions on whether or not I am justified in feeling this way. And I was already on Reddit so let me hear your thoughts.

I want to lay this out first: I know this is a me problem. No one else has done anything wrong. This is my hang up. I support the LGBT and I am an ally but I know that these thoughts I have do not reflect that. But a few people have told me my feelings are completely invalid which I disagree with given the situation.

My boyfriend, David, is very handsome and successful especially for someone as young as us (Both 24). He’s worked hard and I’m very proud and incredible in love with him. We’ve been dating two and half years. We don’t live together at the moment because of my work situation (occasional travel, next year I’m moving into a different position so we hope to move in then).

He has a a roommate (F24), Alma, who is a lesbian. They’ve known each other for 7 years, so since high school. They are also best friends. She is (as she’s described to me) a ‘masc’ lesbian. Her mannerisms are very masculine, she dresses masculine (button-ups, jeans, everything she owns is from the men’s section), and she likes a lot of traditionally masculine things.

Because of this, they’re very close. They like the same movies, activities, and everything else. If he’s doing some kind of activity or goes out, she’s usually with him. I’ll be clear though, when it’s our time it’s genuinely our time. He doesn’t try to include her or anything and she doesn’t do anything weird like insert herself or something. Honestly, I’ve NEVER been given any reason to suggest that anything is going on between them. Alma even has a girlfriend she’s been dating for over two years as well.

They slept together two times at parties when they were around 18. From what they’ve told me (they’ve always been up front about this and never hid it) both times they were black out drunk so much that they didn’t remember and only know they slept together because they woke up in the same bed. This was before Alma had come to terms that she was a lesbian and she was also dealing with alcohol issues at the time. I think this is my hang up.

I just…. I just don’t understand how a woman could have ZERO attraction to men, especially one she has slept with in the past. It’s not something I can comprehend. I’ve always had crushes and been attracted to men, the same with all my female friends from the past and current. I don’t doubt that lesbians do have zero attraction to men and I support them, but she’s SLEPT with men before, including my boyfriend. So it’s very difficult for me to believe she has NO attraction to men.

Also, and I know this extremely shallow of me, but she has very recently had a “glow up” that has made my feelings grow very strong and quickly. When I met Alma, she was not what I would describe as conventionally attractive. Especially not in ways men usually find women attractive. She was heavier, drinking more often, never wore make up(she still doesnt), and she wasn’t the best at hygiene. I went a long period of time not seeing her as she was working on herself and leaning heavily on family. I would ask David how she was doing occasionally and he would just smile and say she was doing better and working hard. Genuinely I was happy for her! She’s extremely sweet and fun, everyone including me were really rooting for her.

When I finally saw her again I was shocked, almost didn’t recognize her. She’d lost so much weight, dressed better, put on some muscle, her hair looked great and she all around just looked amazing. When I saw her I was so happy I gave her a huge hug. She also got help with alcohol and now only drinks at social occasions or when someone else is drinking.

She dresses and acts masculine, but she is very attractive in a feminine way. Her hair is long and beautiful, her skin looks great,she’s in great shape. I feel like if she didn’t identify as a lesbian my jealousy would be completely valid. I think that if she was bisexual I would actually have an easier time with this, I feel like then my feelings would be more valid and I would feel more comfortable sharing them and asking for support. But Every bisexual person I’ve met is in a heterosexual relationship so even this feeling doesn’t even make sense.

I think it’s because she’s a lesbian. In the end it’s because I just don’t believe she has zero attraction to men and at my core I feel like she’s hiding any attraction to men in order to placate me. I KNOW THIS IS WRONG. I feel disgusting for these thoughts.

But whenever I go over there I feel a twinge of jealousy when I see how they interact. They hug, shell they know each others favorite foods,if one of them goes to the store they sometimes will grab something the other is out of, he confides his problems to her (he does to me as well). I can see how these are things anyone would do with their best friend, but Alma is a woman and I feel it’s natural for me to be jealous he’s so close to another female.

I haven’t told either of them this or even mentioned it because I know these feelings are wrong. Again, there’s never been any indication of something going on between them. In fact, David and Alma often hang out with Alma’s girlfriend. Her girlfriend, I’m not very close with her so I don’t know for sure,doesn’t seem to have a problem with their relationship. It’s just me.

I talked to one of my friends about my feelings and they just told me I was being really homophobic and specifically lesbophobic. Which I can admit is probably partially true, but I don’t think it’s all the way homophobic to be jealous of another woman my boyfriend has a close relationship with. I’m looking into getting into therapy for separate reasons, but I’m also going to discuss these feelings as well.

Again, I know this is a me problem. But I hate that I can’t talk to anyone about this without being judged. I don’t wish Alma any harm or ill will I just am jealous whenever I see how they interact so closely. I MEAN, she wears boxers and wifebeaters around the house and you can see her full nipples through them. Again, if she wasn’t gay I know my feelings would be seen as valid. But she’s a lesbian so I’m just supposed to be cool with it all I guess.

Am I not at least a LITTLE justified for being jealous or am I just a crazy homophobe?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/No-Firefighter5707 on 2023-08-11 21:03:39.

Back 6 years ago my husband and I lived with my SIL for 2 months. This was in the very beginning of our relationship. I had 3 kids from a previous relationship and honestly, she absolutely did me a favor by letting me stay there because I was essentially homeless. By the second month we found our own rental and moved out. During the time I was staying with her, I provided ALL my own food and did her house chores (she was a hoarder with 4 dogs and I cleaned out her home for her). I was also working FT and getting child support and I was giving her $260 a week and whatever extra she asked for. For instance, she was "broke" and wanted food from Shwan's delivery and I ended up dropping an extra $400+ on food for her, her husband and her kid on my dollar, as well as helped her pay off her back land tax ($600). Long story short, she got plenty out of me while I was there. Damn near $5k actually. We weren't homeless due to a money issue. We simply couldn't find anything big enough for me, my kids and my now husband- so admittedly, handing her over thousands of dollars actually didn't bother me during that time.

Anyways, my husband and I move out and where we moved prevented us from seeing family very often. We were over 2 hours away. But recently we moved back to the area because the area we did live in is facing a huge price hike (our rent went from $1100 to $1900 in 3 months). Given that we are currently pregnant and that price hike was far too high, we moved back "home". We got a cute little 4 bedroom apartment roughly 20 minutes from my SILs house. But given that we just dropped first, last, and double security for the place, we don't have money for a car seat for the baby and we are due in 3 weeks. I had posted on Facebook asking if anyone had a good condition car seat available for lower than retail price and my SIL commented on the post and said "remember, you still owe me $280 for the electric bill from when you were living with me". News to me. It's quite literally never been mentioned. I call her about it and she says "yeah when you left my electric went up by $300 so you need to cover that and it should be top priority". I told her to get fucked and I'm not paying her what she thinks I owe her. I have a baby due, no car seat and I gave her close to $5k while I was there. I'm not giving her shit. She is saying I'm an AH for "not paying what's owed". I'm so disgusted right now that I'm not thinking clearly. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Main_Painting861 on 2023-08-11 18:18:13.

So, for starters, this is a throw away account.

I'll begin with some context: I (28M) have been married to my wife (29F) for 5 years now. We were both part of a very conservative church and that's where we met. Much of our youth was spent in the church trying to be the most perfect, most honor bringing teens for our parents. We started dating around 16 years old and I genuinely love her. I always have.

To avoid a life of "sin" we were urged by our families to work hard and get married young and start a family. I was studying and working about 50 hours a week. I saved up and bought a house (while saved up to help with the wedding). We get married a year later (now at 22 years old or so) and I continue working to improve our situation.

Both our families are so proud that their kids have this model lifestyle. Two young God fearing kids followed all the rules and they are totally happy. False.

Though, I can say that I am blessed with an incredible job, a beautiful home and wife (no kids yet), these last 5 years have been miserable. I feel like my youth was robbed from me. My 20s were robbed from me. I'm 28 now and I feel so bad because everything I dreamt of doing like traveling, living abroad, getting to know new people, and having the freedom to do whatever has been taken away from me.

I love my wife but our marriage is far from perfect. I feel like I am at a midlife crisis. My career has peaked (high earning senior Technology Consultant), my finances are perfect, my home is beautiful, my family is proud of me... This dream that so many want is the thing I want to escape. I've lived for everybody else my entire life.

I want to divorce my wife (which will hurt her, our families and of course myself) and move to another country far away and just Live.

AITAH for wanting to start my life over by leaving my wife and moving far away?

Tldr: Grew up and lived a perfect life for my church and family. I missed out on everything I wanted. Considering leaving my wife which I love and moving far away.

Edit: yes, she knows I feel this way! We have been going to counseling for this as a couple and she understands. I just feel bad about it.

Edit: I shouldn't use the word abandon. As this will be a civil and mutually agreed divorce. With division of assets and no hostility. Abandon is the word my family and church would likely use.

Final edit: My wife is totally happy with our lifestyle! She does not care to travel and leave everything behind. She doesn't care to sell our home or cars or leave the comfort we have. She is happy. I feel responsible for ensuring her happiness... Which has been killing my own happiness. She is aware of this.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Jenzade on 2023-08-11 18:47:48.

 Wow! For starters, I just want to say thank you to all of the amazing people who gave me advice and validated my feelings in this situation . I was starting to feel like there was no way out in that I couldn’t escape .From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate everyone’s words so much.
 A few common questions and comments that I would like to clear up. First off, we do not have any other immediate family to stay with. My mother is estranged from her family because  a close relative SA her when she was young.Even if I could reach out to them that would most likely not be a safe option. The only person is my dad however, since me and my brother have different biological dad’s I’m not sure if that will be harder to go about legally.
  Second, I have got a lot of inbox messages, of people cursing me out and berating me for not immediately going to CPS and the cops. I know now that it is what I should have immediately done when the situation happened and it comes across as me just being selfish.However I spent time in the system myself when I was younger because of a substance abuse, problem with my mom. It was not pretty!! I had to deal with things like mental, physical, and sexual abuse. The main reason I didn’t go to authorities immediately is because I do not want to put my brother in that situation.
 Third is some people have asked, why hasn’t any of his teachers said anything ?School has not started back up yet and my brother is in a camp. This specific camp helps kids who have things like autism or ADHD get immersed in learning, so things are easier for them when they transition into school(note the test). My brother is autistic, but highly functional and does have ADHD .David is on the pick up list for camp so I took the week off of work to spend at home with my brother because I don’t want to risk anything happening and my mom won’t take him off the list. I am not in any way, shape or form trying to cover for my mom or David!!!! 
 UPDATE:Today I left my brother with a friend of mine very early in the morning hopefully by time I pick him up tonight everything will be sorted. I got back home around 7am and called my dad letting him know about what’s been going on . He said he suspects that my mom might be using again because that’s the only logical answer for why she could be acting like this. I’m not sure why I didn’t piece that together and it’s definitely my fault for not noticing the signs(the spoons I kept on finding in the bathroom, the nose bleeds, the behavior. I honestly feel like an idiot because I didn’t even consider it being a possibility. I thought she had changed . Anyway, my dad said that me and my little brother and more than welcome to stay with him.
  My mom arrived from work at about 8:30(if that’s even where she’s been). I asked her if she was using again she denied it the first few times I asked, but eventually admitted it. Based off of everything else, I said, some of you might’ve already guessed it but she also admitted David has been taking them with her. I made it clear to my mother that me and my little brother will be staying with my father moving forward. I will no longer be supporting her (or her drug habits unknowingly). We got into a screaming match, and she left the house .Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if she brings David in the house or not at this point .After finding out that she’s using again my brother is not safe around her either. me and my brother are leaving either way!!! I have pictures of my brothers face from when the incident first happened and I am about to be on my way to the precinct .
 That’s everything that has happened so far. I’m sorry if it’s not much of an update, but I will keep everyone posted on what’s happening and again thank you to everyone for the advice.

P.S. sorry for just for writing in a huge globs of words I honestly just needed to rant and get everything off of my chest.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Additional-Lynx182 on 2023-08-11 17:06:15.

I got my a highschool hookup “Lily” pregnant when we were both 17 (I’m 18 now). She told me she was on the pill and, like the stupid teen I am, I didn’t use a condom. I don’t know if she lied about being on the pill, or if her pregnancy was the 0.01%, but a month and a half later, Lily and her parents showed up on my doorstep. She was crying happy tears and had a positive pregnancy test in her hands. Her parents were glaring daggers.

We had a sit down conversation with all our parents to talk about what we were going to do. I was adamant that I did not want to be a dad. I wasn’t (still ain’t tbh) ready to be a dad, and practically begged her to get an abortion. My parents even offered to pay for it (with the expectation that I would pay them back in the future), but Lily refused to end the pregnancy. I said that was fine, but I wouldn’t be attending the birth or signing any papers. If she wants a baby that’s fine, but I don’t.

Since Lily have birth, she’s continually asked me for money and to watch the baby. I have refused each time, because I never asked to be a dad and that baby is not my responsibility. I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion. I didn’t meet “my” son (despite Lily’s efforts) until a week ago.

Anyway, I’ve been accepted into an out of state college and will be moving to my new city very soon. I held a garage sale to get rid of my old junk (with my parents’ permission) and made a social media post about it. I guess one of Lily’s friends was still following me and told her, because Lily showed up at the garage sale with the baby and called me every name in the book because I was “abandoning” her and the baby by moving away for college. I tried to explain, for what has to be the millionth time, that I don’t want to be a dad. She just kept yelling and eventually my parents asked her to leave the property and threatened to call the cops for trespassing. She then left.

The thing is, if I called off my college plans now my life would pretty much be over. I don’t want to stay in the same podunk town for the rest of my life because of a baby I never wanted and isn’t even legally mine. Still, my parents are pressuring me to at least try to build a relationship with Lily and the baby when I’m home on break (probably because my older sister is a childfree lesbian and Lily’s baby is their only biological grandchild). I don’t want to build any relationship because I don’t want to be a fucking dad! I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that, but everyone from my parents to random kids I haven’t spoken to in years have been badgering me nonstop to get involved in the baby’s life. AITAH?

Edit: alright alright, y’all can stop telling me that I don’t know how the law works, clearly I’ve got the message. I’m gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights, clearly my cursory google wasn’t enough. I’m going to college for engineering, not law, give me a break.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ConcentrateExotic850 on 2023-08-11 16:49:05.

Recently we had a big family beach day. I went with my wife, my 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. My older brother also brought his wife and two kids, both girls 11 and 9. Initially it was supposed to just be us, but then brother in law and his partner really wanted to come, I told them they would be bored as our beach day is gonna be kid oriented, but brother in law insisted. Brother in law is in his early 30s call him Rob and his partner who is 42 call him Steve.

When we go to into the water, Steve is wearing this mesh speedo, that looks more like male lingerie than swim wear. I pull him to the side and I am like Steve do you have something more family friendly. He is like what’s wrong with this? I am like Steve can you just run to Target or one of the shops on the board walk, I’ll Venmo you however much it costs to get a new swim trunk. Steve then gets Rob and then says I am being a diva.

I am like guys please I got little kids. Rob looks over to Steve in a way that is like come on Steve but then Rob starts yelling at me. And Rob is like, in Europe it’s perfectly normal to go to nude beaches, and he says that it’s good for kids to open their eyes and not live in a homophobic bubble. I am like no not at all, I don’t want my daughters seeing this either, and it’s not appropriate this is a beach with families and young kids. My wife comes over and tries to talk to Rob but nothing happens.

I end up getting the rest of my family and brother’s and I say we are going to a new beach. Rob starts saying don’t do this we are all family, it’s really not a big deal we are gonna be in the water in most of the time. I don’t say anything and just get into the car.

This incident has really messed up the family. Steve especially hates me. He thinks I am homophobic and that I am raising my kids to be the same.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Even-Imagination8832 on 2023-08-11 16:32:02.

My boyfriend is great in bed, however sometimes I want some me time. Usually if he works late/ is travelling for work.

I've owned sex toys before, and got rid of them but I am now considering getting myself a new one. Just because I can.

My boyfriend would not be happy if I brought one for myself, he is of the mind that I don't necessarily need them and that I am preferring a toy over him. He is also very reluctant to use a toy during sex as it feels like I'm saying he is not good enough.

Is buying myself a toy without telling him stepping over some boundary?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/SheinSter721 on 2023-08-11 15:34:34.

I am a school teacher in Texas, and I tend to be a little bit of a rabble rouser because I feel my time in this particular position is winding to an end. We had our inservice where our principal talked about our school shooting response plan ("Emergency Response" Plan, but we all know what they were talking about).

It basically boils down to hiding in classrooms, and waiting for our on-site police officer to act. #1 I am frustrated that in the US every problem about guns has the solution of just adding more guns #2 I try not to be rude, but our on-site police officer, while armed, lets just say he looks like he enjoys donuts, and he does not fill me with confidence if he ever had to pull a Bruce Willis or Clint Eastwood.

Our principal asked if we had any questions and I raised my hand and he called on me and I said "What do we do if our officer and the police run away?" Our principal seemed confused my the question and asked what I meant and I said, more or less, "Well, at Uvalde and Parkland the police refused to help, at Parkland the school resource officer actively ran from the shooter, kind of leaving the teachers alone. What is the plan if that happens here?"

There was a lot of whispers and murmuring in the teachers around me and my principal seemed speechless. He finally just sort of said "They won't. We have full confidence in their response time". Which to me was not a great answer.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Mellowmart247 on 2023-08-11 15:54:28.

Backstory: Our 14m son lives with me in one state 10 months of the year. Son (for last summer and the current summer) has went two states away this summer to see his father. His father has always been “off” we have been through court twice and it’s never been a great relationship.

Also, son is about 5’10” 150LBS - his father is about 6’2” 350-ish LBS

Now: 14 yo son had been with his father for about 1.5 months. I get a call at 1AM from son stating “dad came in really drunk and tried to rip the sheets off my bed with me in it, he fell down and started trying to smack at me! Mom, what do I do? I’m scared of him.” At this point his father left his bedroom.

Side note: I talked with his father on the phone, he was too drunk to understand and ended up vomiting all over the floor multiple times while I was on the phone with him.

Then he says, “oh, oh no, he is coming back.” I tell him to call the cops. And then I call the cops from my house. drama and then son goes to his grandmothers house and I pick him up the next day from her.

AITA: Father is irate that son called the cops on him, he blames son for calling the cops on him and ruining his life. The cops told him to go to bed and left. He was charged with nothing. And nothing happened.

• He is home safe, and getting counseling. *

TLDR: 14 yr old called cops on drunk father - father is irate that son called cops and blames som for ruining his life, he didn’t get charged with anything.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Eastern_State_1922 on 2023-08-11 14:24:40.

He recently talked about his plan to buy a pair of kittens. I was just listening to him go on and on about breeds before asking him “Why not adopt? You get to save their lives. Plus you save money on fixing them.” What he said next gave me a nightmare.

He said he plans to neuter the kittens at home by himself, despite not being a vet and not having any proper equipment. He only told me he was kidding when I told him that that’s horrible.

After that I stopped letting him come to my house since I have a cat and I don’t trust him around her anymore. He has made nasty jokes before but I still don’t want to take any chances, cause he might actually have been serious and be a cruel prick for real. I just could never tell if he’s joking about something.

Like the time he said he was joking about betting $10,000 on McGregor beating Mayweather, but then he actually did it. And saying he wouldn’t lick the toilet seat for TikTok but when went on to do it anyways. I just always second guess him whenever he tells me he is joking.

My parents said that I should believe him since he said he was kidding but I told them that it’s a really gross thing to kid about. And then, after they pushed it for five more minutes, I said ‘Look, no matter what you say, I am never going to trust him again.’

Was so wrong to say that to them? Should I have kept it to myself?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Budget-Shopping1519 on 2023-08-11 09:23:04.

I've known John (not his real name) for over 15 years. We met in high school, went through all the ups and downs of teenage years together, and continued to be close in college and afterwards.

About three months ago, my girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up. It was a messy breakup, one of those where both parties are hurt, and it's clear things will never be the same. I was devastated. I confided a lot in John because he's always been my rock through hard times. I told him everything about the breakup, from the arguments to the tearful nights, trusting him to support and understand me.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. John is getting married (yay for him!), and his bachelor party was set to be a massive event. A whole weekend trip, everyone invited, the whole shebang. Before the party, we had a small gathering at his place, just close friends, to pre-game and get ready. Everything was going fine until my recent breakup came up in conversation.

I could tell John had had a bit too much to drink by then, but I didn’t expect him to start mocking me. He started mimicking my voice, recounting some of the personal details I'd shared about the breakup in a mocking tone, and making fun of how "dramatic" I'd been. Everyone laughed, and I was mortified.

I left the gathering almost immediately and decided I couldn't go on the weekend trip after that. John has tried to reach out to apologize, saying he didn't mean it and was just drunk, but I've been distant.

Now, most of our friend group is saying I overreacted. They think I should forgive him because we've been friends for so long and because "it was just a joke". I'm conflicted. I feel hurt, not just because of John's words but because it feels like my friends don't have my back.

So, Reddit, AITA for skipping the bachelor party over this?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/PartyRoyal8629 on 2023-08-11 08:27:19.

Throw away account since my fiancé knows about my main account.

I (22m) am in a fully funded PhD program at a great university. I currently still live with my parents and I started paying my parents some rent last Christmas. None of my older brothers ever payed rent and I overheard my parents stressing about money which ultimately lead to me willingly paying them $1,000 a month for rent (my Christmas gift to them was a note saying I would be paying them rent). My fiancé (22f) and I have been looking into moving out (rent not mortgage) and have been saving as much as we can. My fiancé and I had a conversation with my mother about decreasing the rent and my mother was willing to decrease it to $300 a month. I was beyond happy for a 70% discount but before I could thank my mom, my fiancé started talking back to my mom saying “none of his brothers ever paid rent so why are you making him pay rent, he is not going to pay rent anymore” and then an argument between the two of them ensued. I tried to calm the two of them down but my fiancé said to my mom “you shouldn’t have even bought a house if you couldn’t afford the mortgage” and then my mom told her to get out. Afterwards I talked to my fiancé privately and she stated “if you pay your mom that $300 rent then you are choosing her over me and I can’t be in a relationship where the guy chooses his mom over me.” I tell her we can still save a significant amount of money while paying $300 rent and she says “it’s the simple fact that your choosing your mom over me still.”

More side detail if needed:

• My fiancé does not work as she is still in undergrad
• I live with my parents and my fiancé lives with her parents
• We have no debt as both of our cars have been paired off and no credit card bills.
• Any other information you think will help please comment and I’ll reply back

TLDR; Fiancé doesn’t like that my parents charge me rent. I tell her that they are essentially my landlord so whatever they say I have to pay is what I have to pay. She says I’m choosing my mom over her if I give my mom rent money. AITAH for paying my parents rent?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Extension-Device-839 on 2023-08-11 12:34:23.

I [39M] and my wife [36F] are obviously going through a less than awesome marital phase, and she's suggested that we try couples counselling.

Other than the fact that it sounds absolutely horrible, I'm pretty sure there's zero point.

My wife is pretty much perfect. She's smart, kind, funny, well liked by everyone who meets her. She's a professionally successful doctor, and I'm an unemployed freelance photographer. I also have a slight drinking problem, which has thrown a metric fuckton of gasoline on our marriage.

So I don't really see how counselling will help, because I think I'm too obviously the dead weight in our marriage. And I feel like counselling is only gonna offer her an opportunity to break up via a third party, which kind of pisses me off as a concept.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Salt_Draw2013 on 2023-08-11 08:12:54.

My best friend (42f) and her partner (38m) have been together for a decade. Living together and traveling around and have the same job industry. I’ve been their very good mutual friend for 7 years. He wants to propose to her this winter. However I’m against this because he doesn’t know she had a 5 month affair with her ski instructor all winter while on a work assignment. She lied and cheated and called and told me all the graphic details about meeting in abandoned ski cabins to hook up, even lied about staying at my house when she was really with her lover even when I asked her to leave me out of it, I don’t approve or want details. I’m good friends with both of these people and we have travelled together often and hung out maybe 2-4 times a week in all kinds of adventures like rafting and hiking etc. for many years. she refuses to tell her boyfriend and said he’d break up with her if she did. I just can’t stand it and goes against my moral code. It wasn’t a one time drunken thing. The only reason she ended the affair is because the ski instructor had more than just one ‘special’ friend and she was upset about it so decided to stay with her boyfriend even though she had called to tell me she was falling in love and would end her long term relationship for the hottie ski dude. I decided that if they knew my partner was cheating and didn’t tell me, I’d never forgive them. So I took her boyfriend out to lunch and told him. He didn’t even have a hard time believing it bc he never liked her energy with the ski instructor. But now she has turned our other mutual friends against me and they think I should have stayed out of it. Some of them literally told me it’s what happens in a ski town. But her boyfriend and her were not in an open relationship and he certainly wouldn’t want that. I just figured he should know before getting married and decide if that’s what he wants with all of the facts. I did feel bad because his brother just died, but felt the truth couldn’t wait any longer. This was not her first affair and wouldn’t be her last. I almost just stayed out of it but she told me she didn’t use protection and I just lost it. Potentially bringing home an std is just so additionally disrespectful. I have lost all respect for her as a friend at that point. Anyway AITAH for revealing her affair? Should I have just stayed out of their relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Elegant_Leaf on 2023-08-11 10:51:52.

I'm a 26f my friend is also a 26f. Abit for context last year I was sterilised at 25 because of my mental health and other issues. It was a choice I was happy to make as I've got 2 children. Fast forward to yesterday my friend made a Facebook post about how she was going to be sterilised towards the end of the month. I'm really happy for her as it's what she wants. I mentioned that there's post tubal ligation syndrome, she could also have a ectopic pregnancy, as well as maybe having extremely painful, heavy and long periods. She may have more than one period a month and her mental health may take a massive hit because of the hormones etc.. I wanted to make her aware of what she could possibly go through as I personally wasn't made aware. Now someone's commented on the post I've commented on and said how her periods are absolutely fine and not to worry about what I've said. Now I feel like itah because ive taken away from her excitement of being sterilised and moving forward with her life. I did say I wasn't trying to sway her choice as I completely agree with it I'd just rather she had as much information about the whole ordeal before she went a head with it.

Next time should I just keep my mouth shut?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/pizza3point14 on 2023-08-11 09:20:50.

My wife often doesn’t meet the needs or boundaries I set. Here is the current cycle:

1. I express a need or a boundary.
2. She agrees to respect it
3. She continuously doesn’t do it (or maybe like 10% of the time) or violates the boundary
4. Each time, I’ll mention it e.g. “Hey you’re doing that thing again and I don’t appreciate it”
5. She’ll get angry and meltdown OR deflect OR blame me OR say something like “I can’t be perfect 100% of the time” even though she’s literally not done it at all and I’ve previously mentioned that she doesn’t need to be perfect, I just want her to try/show progress.
6. She calms down then writes me a “calm” message but is still unhinged basically calling my need or boundary controlling or selfish and then listing every single thing I’ve ever done wrong (even things from a few years ago which I have worked on) and that she’s committed to changing/trying BUT without acknowleding the original behaviour AT ALL and that she agreed to it.
7. When she’s calm I’m like to her “OK let’s talk about these issues now” and she basically says that these aren’t real issues and that she was just angry and wanted to hurt me. She then apologises to me and gives a big speech about how she’s committed to changing and how she’s going to change.
8. The original behaviour persists and the cycle then continues/repeats.

In the current scenario, I notice that she dumps on me a lot via messenger and then when it’s my turn, halfway through, she will often abruptly end the chat, saying “sorry gtg to [insert event here] right now.” It makes me feel frustrated as she does this without any forewarning.

I communicated to her that I've noticed that sometimes our FB messenger chats seem to end quite abruptly after she mentions she has to leave.

I’ve requested if it’s ok if we could take an extra moment to wrap up our discussions before leaving the chat, particularly if it’s an important conversation. It just helps me feel more connected and provides a sense of closure to our conversation.

She responded that she thinks what I’m asking is abusive and controlling. She said that she can’t do it 100% of the time and she hates how I’m asking her to be perfect.

In the past I’ve said that I’m totally chill (when reasserting my need) that if she doesn’t do things perfectly as long as she shows that she’s trying and things get a bit better, so I felt confused by this.

In the past when I’ve asserted boundaries or needs, she has gotten really angry at me and shouted or threatened to kill herself.

She’s stopped messaging me for 12 hours and now I’m thinking — AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/stepa21 on 2023-08-11 07:03:53.

So, writing this from the dive bar across the street from us because I can’t sleep.

Girl f(26) and I (m25) had an argument over art. Specifically her sisters. Her sister writes and she left a sheet over at our place and I wanted to read it if it wasn’t something private or personal. GF said yes, I hadn’t started to read it yet but I asked what her sister wrote about. She said whatever she wants; I left it at that. GF eventually said This one line that her sister wrote “you’re the master of your own storm”. Which objectively is profound in its own way and has meaning but I had said “it’s been done”. Granted we had been drinking for a bit at this point and I realize that was maybe not that correct thing to say but that trope has been played out with many metaphors, it’s not THAT deep. Deep to her maybe but…anyways we got into an argument and she saying “this is the problem with you, you can’t appreciate art at an abstract level you have to analyze and make meaning for everything. I’ve shown you so much stuff and your have to try to make meaning out of it. So AITAH

TLDR: said my GFs sisters one line in her writing dad been done before and she said I didn’t understand or try to understand art and now I think she’s breaking up with me.