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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ThrowRA-Adagio-772 on 2023-08-11 22:39:44.
I m18 grew up with both my parents but they were divorced. My father lived in California and my mother lived in Texas. Since they both wanted custody of me, the custody arrangement was that I would spend the school year with one parent and holidays with the other and then when the next school year changed I would spend the school year with the parent I spent holidays with and the parent I lived with last school year, I would see on holidays. This was how it was since I was 6-years-old. (I hope this doesn't confuse anybody).
That being said, I love both my parents but after the divorce I enjoyed living with my father and once I got older I resented visiting my mom. No, she wasn't abusive per se, but she was morbidly obese. Before my parents divorced, she was still big but she was still able to do things for herself. After the divorce, she let herself go to the point that since I was 10, she weighed more than 550 pounds. Even hitting 600 pounds, a few times. Because of this, I was in charge of fixing her meals, bathing her, doing her laundry, etc. I was a 10-year-old boy who was raising his mother. This was worse when she started dating her childhood friend who was a feeder. He would consistently feed her fast food, sweets, and just overall unhealthy food. Then he would leave me to deal with the aftermath, sometimes she would eat so much she would throw up all over herself, and I would have to clean it up. Sometimes she would even sh*t herself, and yup, I would have to clean it.
This took a toll on me, my father wanted to get full custody but I felt guilty leaving my mom behind because who would take care of her? That being said, because I was my mom's caretaker even though I was living with her during the school year, I could never join sports or clubs because I had to get home immediately to take care of her. I could never hang out with friends outside of school and didn't get a job until this summer. Taking care of her wasn't the worst part, it was her consistent crying about how she looked and then after her break down she would stuff her face with McDonald's that her boyfriend would buy her. It made me resent and hate her.
That being said, I graduated in 2023, and I'm going to a college that's 30 minutes away from my dad's home. My mother knows about this and she's always telling me to come to visit "because who will take care of her". When she said this sentence, it make me feel like she only wants me around. She doesn't have enough money for a full-time caretaker because she hasn't worked since I was 8. I don't know why, but I felt upset and I blurted out that once I moved she probably will never see me again. She must have thought I was joking because she jokingly asked "Oh yeah, why is that?" I told her everything that I listed above and I was done being her caregiving I told her she needed to lose weight before I would even think about visiting her. This upset her greatly, and she started to cry calling me every name in the book, so I just packed what I could, and now I'm staying with some friends for a week before I leave to stay in California full-time.
I can't shake off this guilty feeling so AITAH?