BlushedPotatoPlayers

Like, not dying while trying to go through menus while driving

You could try to pickle them? The recipe I found uses 2tbsp sugar , 2tbsp salt, 1tbsp vinegar , black pepper and bay leaves for 1l water and 1kg of mushrooms. You cook the mushrooms for half an hour, then boil the brine as well, mix the mushrooms with the syrup, cook together for 15' and put them to jars. I haven't tried it yet, though.

We have a perfectly functioning iPad1 (2?) and a somewhat younger Android tablet. There are no OS updates, you can't install any new software, and on most cases even browsing is broken.

They moved from python?

What about Enkidu?

I'm shocked I had to scroll this far for the first fluxbox/Enlightenment/windowmaker user

Kerbal Space program wasn't on the list, and maybe OpenTTD? The latter is also great when you have a random setup (the game is 10Mb, runs in anything and has zero needs) and have only 20 minutes to play.

I use that to annoy the same friend and send a random hedgehog fact in a text message from a random number.

"Despite their land-dwelling reputation, hedgehogs are good swimmers:they can swim across streams and ponds if necessary. Subscribe for more hedgehog facts!"

Skype is great when your flight is delayed, and you have some remaining cash in it from 15 years ago

If you look at any of the ancient statues they don't look black, whatever the recent propaganda tries to push. It doesn't make any sense to put everyone in those four racial boxes - an Ethiopian looks as distinct from a South African as a Spaniard and a Swede

Does it make floppy sounds?

Here only those data are available for search that are older than 100 years in case of birth certificates and maybe 50 for deaths. So you would need to know at least your grandparents' birth data to start...