this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 103 points 1 year ago (15 children)

Get a bidet attachment for your toilet. It will change your life.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Lemmy has a serious fiber deficiency. Y'all keep relating to bowel trouble, at first I'd make jokes about it but the actual shitposting keeps coming, now I'm just concerned.

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It all goes back to that guy that didn't poop for three days. Lemmy took it as a challenge.

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[–] Klear@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

It was back on reddit too. For some reason taking off all your clothes before taking a shit is relatable to a large part of of the interent. It's bizzare.

[–] Duranie 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Also when poop knocks at the door, ANSWER! Don't keep putting it off if at all humanly possible. The longer poop sits in your colon, the drier it gets and the harder it will be to move later.

And the bidet? With the right pressure it can help knock loose those last little nuggies that you weren't able to get enough oomph behind to dislodge.

[–] ResoluteCatnap@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

Playing asteroids! Pew pew!

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[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I used a bidet in Thailand and water blew up my ass so hard that it brushed my teeth.

Absolutely never again.

[–] Wes_Dev@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

That's called that flossing, duh. What did you think water picks were?

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago

The same thing happened to me in Spain. It wasn't until I used a friends bidet attachment that I was convinced. It was much easier to control.

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[–] Ephera@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago (5 children)

And if people can't or don't want to immediately install such an attachment, because they have no way of trying out a bidet, you can also buy a travel bidet online, which basically looks like a bottle, and they're representative of the real thing, albeit not as comfortable, of course.

Took me a few days to figure out how to best sploosh myself with that bottle, but I've preferred it since then, even though I still don't have an attachment.

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[–] Funkytom467@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Or, if you're poor, an alternative is to take a shower. That or a sink as a last resort.

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[–] DavidGA@lemmy.world 57 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Eat more fiber, do more cardio, and buy a bidet.

[–] forgueam@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Started taking fiber supplements (psyllium husk from Costco). The change was revelatory. Went from trying to clean peanut butter out of carpet to perfectly clean single wipes, every time. REVELATORY.

[–] Stoney_Logica1@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I take them because of IBS. Life-changer.

[–] Paddzr@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

But also it could be wheat intolerance... It took me over 30 years to discover it.

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[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago (3 children)

whats troubling is that this is POV

[–] Ilfrin@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

I think my cat would have the same face if he was watching me wipe for half an hour straight without giving him attention. But yeah, not a POV.

[–] yetAnotherUser@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The cat knows what will be used once the toilet paper roll is empty.

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[–] Sylver@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Their significant other has broke into the bathroom teary-eyed wondering how much longer they have to sit waiting with the movie paused

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 37 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

Fat Pratt was best Pratt.

[–] Pulptastic@midwest.social 7 points 1 year ago

It's like I'm wiping a marker

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[–] Gigan@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're supposed to finish pooping before you wipe.

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Pistcow@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago
[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Muscar@discuss.online 18 points 1 year ago (7 children)

It's infuriating that it's both people being so dumb they can't understand basic grammar and people doing it because it gets more comments. Both of those things are just so shitty and disappointing.

[–] bleistift2@feddit.de 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’ve seen it being used wrong so many times now my brain just picks the correct interpretation most of the time.

I predict the “you’re”/“your” distinction will be gone in 100 years. Maybe it’s all “you” in another 100.

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[–] MilitantVegan@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

There is life before the bidet, and then life after the bidet.

[–] JoMomma@lemm.ee 22 points 1 year ago (5 children)

You all need to eat more fiber

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[–] summerof69@lemm.ee 11 points 1 year ago

My what is on the 368th wipe?

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Sunforged@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago

Eat more vegetables ffs

[–] Macaroni_ninja@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Try switching to white toilet paper

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[–] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

2 capsules of psyllium fiber with every meal will change this cat's life.

[–] xia@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 year ago

Time for a shower.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 1 year ago

I think this means you're not done pooping.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

The shit accelerates

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