Ask Lemmy

No shit, Sherlock

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

Oh dear.

I dont like this game

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

Finally, my time to shine.

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

I planned for this exact scenario

Pretty sure my time would be up.

I like my odds

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

The cure is worse than the disease.

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

Pretty good I think!

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

Guess Im poopin.

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

I have meat at least

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

I guess something is better than nothing.

Can i manifest it as a super power?

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

I'm used to it.

I'll be fine with the powers of the wizard king of Israel, weed and dinner for two...

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

I'm pretty happy.

Not happy about this, but present

I cast spells

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

I'm... uhh. I think I'm screwed here.

I'll be OK.

Looks like I'm drinking my way out of this. Who wants a brewski?

It's me or the other guy

I mean... I'm a pope and a king. I think I'll be alright.

....... Ohhh.......

...... Ohhhh nooooo........

(unless it doesn't have to be literal if I can get a job voicing Facebones let's fuckin gooooo)