No Stupid Questions

Implication is that you're incapable of being self sufficient.

Too broke to move out, your parents still cook for you / do your laundry, can't bring a girl home without your parents hearing you get it on, etc.

Traditionally, being self sufficient enough to move out of your parents house and live on your own was considered a major, basic, and early benchmark of growing up, adulthood, and success. Sort of like taking your first steps, it was just considered a "bare minimum" benchmark.

That impression, the idea of moving out on your own being the bare minimum start to being a successful adult, has not kept up with the modern age and the economy we've grown up in. The idea that anyone should be able to move out on their own came about in an age when a single adult working a basic job full time could afford a house and support a family on their income alone. That just is not even close to the case now, but some societal memes take longer to change than others.

It isn't anymore. That's dead.

It was, like 25 years ago. Well, maybe 15 years ago.

Pre-2007.

Because back then people were making good money out of college, and they were able to buy a house for themselves. Shit, they didn't even need to go to college. As long as you were working hard before 2007, and you were going to be able to find a down payment on a house as long as you didn't have some kind of financial affliction.

That's not to say that gen X had it easy as compared to those before them, but there's a clear separation.

Millennials tried their hardest not to live at home, just because of the social stigma.

Gen Z is feeling that stigma less. That's why you're probably here questioning why it's even a thing. You're probably Gen Z.

Jen alpha won't see it as strange.

Because it used to be a sign that someone was unsuccessful or “lazy”. Now it just means the housing market is absolute dog shit, and people making 200k a year still can’t afford to buy a house near their work.

Multi-generational households have been the most common form of familial living arrangements in human history, so, take that as you will.

The idea that if you're still living at home that your parents are still taking care of you. That they still make your food, do you laundry, pay your bills, etc. there is also a stereotype that you're emotionally stunted since you haven't moved out and had to take care of yourself. This is often summarized in the neck beard living in his parents basement meme.

I'm not saying this is true, but that's the idea.

In the US, wages were high enough that you could afford rent and a decent living as an unskilled laborer until fairly recently.

Also, if you lived with your parents you could not fuck. Even if your parents were not religious, it was a social value and they probably weren't cool with it. And your date probably wasn't cool with it wither, because it was weird.

For 58 years young people had enough income to support themselves fine, so living with your parents was due to either fear of being out on your own, laziness, or another dependency. All unattractive qualities.

I assume you are American, and probably not Hispanic?

Because these assumptions are extremely cultural.

Anyways, for white Americans "Self-sufficiency" (or Self-reliance as Ralph Waldo Emmerson called an extreme version of it) is an old Puritan value, like hardwork and lifelong monogamy.

It suggests they can't afford to pay rent. It's an old stereotype that is kind of redundant nowadays since (a) most people renting can't afford it anymore and (b) different cultures are way more accepting and even encouraged living with your family. Most people understand that now.

You still here the saying buts it's more about NEETs taking advantage of family rather than being smart

So i started living back with my mom when i was in my late 20s, i lost a 70k job due to bullshit. Then i got back to working hoping to move out..... and..... covid hit..... i was laid off after a year, and i just havent got back to working. I live with my mom who is disabled and in very bad health over conditions i dont know how to spell. Then i got a dui after my old boss died, i wasnt even driving just sitting in the car drunk by a lake. So now i cant drive for another couple years and am finding it hard to work some whete close that i can get a ride that also doesnt make me be around a shit ton of people who i might get sick from and then bring it back to my mother.

No i didnt answer your question, but i tried to outline the why of someone living back with their parents.

Ok this is a super fascinating intersection of American social history

So the first thing you have to always keep in mind when thinking about Americans and their behavior is that the country was founded by people so absurdly religious that the British kicked them out. Then, along with some wealthy land owners, they said "fuck off" right back to the crown, declared "no take-backs", and went on about 100 years of aggressive westward expansion.

If you're not familiar with the phrase "manifest destiny" it's worth looking up. It's fundamental to American society

Fast forward a bit to post-WWII and the economic boom of the time. "The American Dream" - and the promise to our returning soldiers - was owning your own house with a yard, wife, kids, dog, and a car. And given our history, and the return of thousands and thousands of young men from the war, that kinda became the measuring stick of basic success: moving out.

And of course since America is the land of opportunity, if you can't do even that much, you've only got yourself to blame /s

We all know the meme of "striking out on your own" as a symbol of maturity. This is just what happens when "striking out on your own" becomes a cultural identity

I'm 23 and still living with my dad. Why wouldn't I take the deal to have no rent while I work full time at a decent job so I can pay off my student loans? Sounds stupid to move out at least for me right now

It comes from the Individualism ideology that Western culture holds dear. Americans just hold it tighter. It can be argued that the cause of this is American capitalism, which has greater focus on measuring success by one's ability to consume (can you afford it, how much can you afford, are you self-reliant, your ability to consume more and better than you did last year).

Because then you can't yodel while fucking your girlfriend/boyfriend.

It depends on your age. Living with your parents at 10 is different than 20 and is different than 40.

Ever since I was older than 25 or so, if I was going to go on a date with someone, if they lived with their parents that's a huge complication. How're we going to fuck? What if their parents don't have good boundaries? How can I gauge if they know how to be an adult? Like, what if their mom still does their laundry and they don't know how to take care of themselves?

It's a proxy measurement for independence and being able to take care of themselves.

It's a little different if they're taking care of their parents. Still not great, but doesn't have the "Do they even know how to take care of themselves?" problems.

In Finland it's very easy to move on your own because the government will basically pay your living costs if you don't have any money. So very few people live with their parents past 20 years.

There are bootstraps you haven't appropriately pulled up if you live at home.

The more legitimate reason is that there's a school of thought that you can't become a fully-fledged, independent adult without putting some distance between youself and the folks that raised you. There's a difference between someone who never left home and is content to just stay in the status quo, vs an adult who maybe went to off to college or was away from home for some period of time while working that has had to come back due to challenging circumstances and doesn't plan to stay longer than they need to. Obviously, the stereotype is of the former and not the latter.

Because they're racist cult members and visits are awkward enough let alone living there. Might just be me tho

Mainly the push for a false family narrative called the 'Nuclear Family', which was idolized since the 60s as a pop psych experiment that has obviously failed.

Some claim it was deliberate to prop up the nursing home industry and to force middle class families into poverty by making it less likely they pool their resources.

Some claim it was a marketing move, as 'nuclear family' homes are significantly less happy per capita than homes with 3 generations living under one roof. Happy people buy less shit to make them happy.

If you’re in an East Asian culture, it’s not.

are you from east or southeast or south Asia

This dates back to when buying a house in your twenties wasn’t a crazy idea out of a science fiction novel.

They're seen as not progressing through the expected stages of american life. It comes off as a refusal to grow up but obviously that's not always the case.

Historical cultural difference between the US and other countries. Although it is less prevalent now, it was expected for a male to be on his own and "leave the nest" as soon as they graduated high school, with college being that transition point if an education was pursued.

The old America where you left home as soon as you could and built your own life with hard work and skill is long gone, but the trope and the expectations are still there.

If you want to get to the heart of a terrible practice or belief, look at who is pushing it (not simply buying it) and who is benefiting. This is a very recent idea (like, you might still be able to find a grandma who was raised before that stupid shit took off) pushed to keep people poor and generally weaker than they otherwise would be. If you've got multiple generations, or even families, living together they have far more breathing room economically.

Makes things awkward when you want to bring a lady back to your place.

Probably because so many parents suck.

It can be a bad thing for your parents if you are not contributing in any way. Humiliation doesn't always help in promoting self-improvement but it is a social tool that establish social expectations. Producing value is expected in most societies. What changes is what value ought to be defined.

I never understood this. If rent wasn't so stupid high I would've had my own place long ago.

My parents suck. If you have to put up with their shit you're definitely a loser.