Melbourne

Been a while since I dropped by. This is why:

I think we’re finally at submission day 😬

TRIGGER WARNING: man rant with a hint of mysticism and philosophy..

Something all mums need to see.

Picture of a sign in my kitchen which reads, "GOOD MUMS have sticky floors, Messy kitchens, Piles of laundry, dirty ovens and HAPPY KIDS"

Mr Peeler cracked the shits about how the kitchen was untidy. Admittedly I didn't clean up very well yesterday, I felt fucking awful and it was an effort to drag myself through any task. I reminded him that he has made plenty of mess in the past week and cleaned none of it. He countered that he was sick. I reminded him I was too, and am still recovering! But only people with main character syndrome are allowed clemency for illness😒 Anyway, to cut a long story short (and a lot of futile self defence type arguing and bullshit out) I have this sign in my kitchen. After a similar argument many years ago, I left the house and went for a walk. I found myself in the op shop around the corner from my house. I walked into the store and there it was, this sign, perched atop a collection of kitchen bric-a-brac. It was literally the first thing my eyes saw when I entered the store. I shit you not, I swear on both my parents graves, there was a soft shaft of light from a high window that fell across some of the kitchen stuff, including this sign. It was so freaky! It was like, a sign but also a sign. You know, a sign sign. Of course I bought it, took it home and placed it in a prominent part of the kitchen, where it remains to this day. Mr Peeler later admitted he'd been a total dick. As he always does. Having the impulse control of a 5yo is not easy for a 60+yo boomer. He does not seem to be able to stop those first words from coming out, and having been in too many relationships where I didn't adequately stand up for myself if at all, I am shockingly defensive and do not back down in an argument.

Additional thoughts: I've spent altogether too much time in pubs, bars and taverns, done a frightening amount of drinking, and been in the position where it's late at night and the talk has turned personal. Older men often speak of their mothers, especially after a recent bereavement. I've never once in my whole life heard a man say, "my mum was a good lady but I wish she'd cleaned the oven a bit more often," or "I wish mum had vacuumed more often." They do say things like, "my mother never held me," "my mother never told me she loved me," "my mother was really cold to me my whole life and I never knew why," "my mother put dad first and us kids came a long way second." Because these are the things, at the end of the night, at the end of life itself, that really fucking hurt.

Thankyou for humouring my rant!

Found out tonight that Montana is a red state. Dad ordered a Bud Lite at the restaurant and the waiter informed him that they haven't sold it since the "Bud Lite fiasco".. I looked up what that was and realised where we are. Do a quick Google to see how ridiculous these people are.. or just Click here

Then I thought back through my day and realised I haven't seen one black person here. I also recall seeing one of those cheap novelty tshirt stores on the main street, one tshirt being Trump with big 80's sunglasses on and it said "I'll Be Bach", which isn't even clever. There's no Bach joke there, it's just a Terminator reference and it's Back. Now I'm silently judging everyone I see.

Can I say it? Imma say it

Sky pretty

sox doesn't want me to go to Hamer Hall either, what do :(

e: despite her deep comfort I was saved by a knock on the door from a neighbour which dislodged her and finally got me going. Taking a tram after ages and this is one of the less hectic 109s. They gotta figure out better transport though the tram gets so packed once it hits those masses of apartments recently popping up in Abbotsford near IKEA.

I made a waffle!

Morning DT Fam…

What’s everyone up to today?

Bear! Ft. Bear Balls.

Colleagues who send not remotely urgent emails on a Sunday evening, eww.

The need to clean and hang out clothes is strong but so is the need to nap. Think I will do the clothes then let myself have a lil snooze. Life has been so hectic lately I just keep crashing everytime I stop.

So order of the afternoon (I got a walk and some food prep done this morning so that's good)

Hang out clothes Nap / lazy snoozing Clean kitchen and vacuum Suss out the diary for the week. More snoozing.

Every time i gaze upon this picture of mishycat, i plotz.

spoiler

• Take a walk: Buy milk and look for dish cloths
• Eat something
• Dust
• Vacuum
• Shower
• Eat something more
• World Cup Final
• Eat something before bed

So you didn't like my "Sardine Sushi", I've mixed it up a bit in a way you may find less offensive:

spoiler

Let's call it: Deconstructed sardine and egg breakfast sushi

I dislike the fact that I find it difficult to be okay with people I'm close to not reaching out for a while. Perhaps that's the whole "rejection sensitive dysphoria" part of ADHD.

My attempt at a rational mind says, "They're busy and you're busy. Now suck it up and get a life."

My emotional mind however, says, "Ahhhhhh we just wanna be close to ____, why are they so distant?!"

I just wanna do my work without my emotional mind being a bitch!

Finally gathered myself into an acceptable public form, as I have run out of toilet paper and have been holding this massive shit all day lol

Honestly pants.. we do not need them

I is doing thawed hopefully chicken tikka masala for dins.

Also had to farewell bboi butters the burmese until next time. He's the almost best kitty not beyond my old abyssinian though. Difficult to say, hard to appraise. Very conflicting. He's up there.

Well shit, housemate is proper sick, it comes out at the ER that they are having head issues and we're just hiding them thinking they'd go away. It's going to be a very very long night of testing and obs it looks like.

Have to say first time in a long time I've seen the state of our ERs and jebus it's bad, lots of very sick folks just plonked in a corner and poked every hour or two just to make sure they aren't dead.

Exercises completed, very carefully and slowly. I wanted to keep in the rhythm of it and keep up my good habits. I feel like Sisyphus today 🫸🪨⛰️ Yesterday I managed to make devil's food cupcakes with my daughter, just an activity to keep her engaged with the whole cooking thing and something to break up the day. We didn't have muffin pans the correct size so they were just placed ad hoc on a tray, and some of them came out looking a bit funny!

Picture of reddish coloured cupcake in a red patty case with cream cheese frosting, one of the ones that came out ok, held by a work worn hand.

Despite the consumption of said cakes, I managed to get under the 80kg mark! Woot! I seem to be building muscle, so while I am getting a little slimmer I've not lost much weight. This is fine and I'm happy with it, I've noticed I'm much stronger at work. But I've still wanted to get under 80kg for a while now. For me that's kind of a danger zone health wise.

Misanthropy brews. Sorry if I've seemed pissed off lately, but I have been. I hope it's just the nicotine withdrawal.

I keep getting reminded in AA that many of the people there are super ill. Both by members and the ill people with their awful behaviour. A lot of misgendering and ridicule or creepy comments about my appearance. It's been mostly good for me, as it's developing a routine and meeting other sober people, but I'm having doubts about staying long term like some of the cultists as I call them. The whole idea of getting people to sponsor each other is quite problematic, as they have zero training and there is no training or place to complain about someone being really bad at it except to other members, and then you're kinda breaking the anonymity. Nothing's perfect and it definitely works for a lot of people, but there's also a pretty low retention rate in the program. I won't throw in the towel yet, but I've definitely narrowed my scope and actual places I can feel safe without getting resentful or angry with someone else in the room, which is exactly what we're told to avoid. We're supposed to turn the other cheek and try and help that person, but they're a creep, they're obviously going to take it the wrong way.

end rant.

has anyone else had any experience with these anonymous groups?

I woke up so late today I decided not to have any caffeine and only managed one round of my twice daily medication. Amazingly, I am still upright and conscious and even thinking of making dinner.

This bittergourd really needs to be made asap. Curry it is, to go with this voluminous amount of leftover green rice. I'm going to add so much. Mum's roasted curry powder, kashmiri chilli, turmeric, fenugreek seeds, a good few slivers of cinnamon, curry leaves, pandan leaves (frozen), and maybe some tamarind paste. And coconut milk at the end.

E: it's still fucking bitter - should've soaked it more - but has a bunch of other amazing flavours playing along with it.

E2: I take it back, I think it's becoming a bit less bitter as the flavours meld. It might be fine tomorrow

Dinner in West Yellowstone, Montana tonight is elk 🦌, bison 🦬 & beef 🐄 "big game" meatloaf.

Edit: food tax, although the angle makes the meatloaf look small when it was huge

As soon as the sun goes down lately my body be like ooh nap time!

Worked a late night now I have to do it all over again. I miss the lazy Sunday’s. But oh well this will improve my life in the long run.

Butters is helping my hangover.. he knows.

I wouldn't call it empathy though.. he's still disappointed.

I really don't want to have to get up and go to work tomorrow. ☹️ Miss Meow also thinks it would be better if I stayed home and provided lap service during the day.

So fat
Full of potat.

Finally booked in for a physio appointment. My last one was June and I just don't feel like I'm getting any better. My normal physio is on maternity leave, so I've had to book with a new physio. I hate having to meet a new health professional because you've got to explain your life story almost. This is the same thing with doctors, psychs, councillors, etc. But here's hoping that I can get better. It's really annoying just how in pain I am everyday.

Listening to ABC jazz and watching my kids play Minecraft together whilst my partner relaxes in the bath after a long hard weekend. Petition to have this 15 minutes last a bit longer - www.pleasedontmakemeparentagainjustyet.co.uk

A bit of talk about cleaning today so I thought I'd show you my secret weapon

cleaning cloths aka dish cloths

Why do I love them you ask. 1. They are textured. Makes scrubbing easier. 2. They last forever. 3. They are cheap. You can find them at $2 shops. 4. They have been around for ages. 5. Very easy to wash. 6. They shit all over microfibre cloths for cleaning.

I have 4 jigsaw puzzles I haven't done sitting in my cupboard. I have cleared a space on my table. I think I will do the Bunny Town one, it's just a few hundred cute bunnies doing stuff. I buy difficult ones, generally tones of one colour, but this one is just cute. :) When it's done I'll post a pic. :)

I'm barracking for Spain purely because of how hot their coach is. Hnggg

Okay also because I'd like to see England trounced

Well done to Spain. That was a good defense. Entertaining match

So as someone who has no clue wtf is going on, when exactly does the feetballs finish?