this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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I am straight (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works
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[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 56 points 10 months ago (2 children)

TIL therapists diagnose your sexuality.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 61 points 10 months ago (1 children)

*guy walks in the room*

Therapist: *writes GAY in their notebook, underlines it*

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago

"I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it!"

[–] phorq@lemmy.ml 12 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Mine diagnosed me as being sexually attracted to therapists. I told them that's not a sexuality and to continue analyzing me...

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So are you still seeing them?

[–] phorq@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

Yes, but nothing's official

[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago

Are they brunette and wear glasses?

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Good old massage therapy...

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I mean yeah, he likes to have dudes suck his dick, but that doesn't make him gay, the guys sucking him are gay, duh.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Beat the guy afterwards for being a dirty homo. That way nobody will think you're gay.

[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

it's okay if you suck a little dick, as long as you don't kiss him on the lips it's fine.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Or if it's just a prank between bros

[–] rikudou@lemmings.world 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

I think he's the straightest of them all. He's straight. He. Is. Straight.

Straight.

spoiler

Straight.

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

He's so straight (how straight is he?) - why he's so straight that he manages to like women, even though... oh uh I mean yeah he's straight! :-P

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 14 points 10 months ago

He's so straight he doesn't like anything with curves! Boobies? Nope. Pussy, not straight enough!

Booty? Dudes got straight, flat booty, not bad not bad. Dick? Straight as an arrow, my kinda body part!

Not gay just OCD for straight things and he just for some reason can't shake the need to put them in his mouth.

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Around here, in less politically correct times there was once a comical sketch on TV of a guy who was so straight and liked women so much that he had a sex change operation to become a woman, and thus became a lesbian woman.

That's the ultimate straight guy right there!

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Ghey

[–] KuroeNekoDemon@sh.itjust.works 14 points 10 months ago

Sure you are man. Sure you are. You know I thought I also experienced sexual attraction until I realized my own mother was correct that I am asexual. Welcome to the alphabet mafia (LGBTQ+ community)

[–] Cihta@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I CHOOSE to drink!

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And I can stop anytime I want to, I'm telling you! (bawls: I'm straight, I promise you I'm so straight...)

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Reminds me of that old post about how someone hated weed because it made them want to suck their friend's dick

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 1 points 10 months ago

LOLZ! :-D

[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 10 months ago

Bruh, you gay as hell.

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

That man is a gay homosexual.