this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Personally, I think it's like people with a foot fetish. Ok gross and weird but isnt harming anyone.

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[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 49 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I guess I'd rather the toilet enjoy itself. As long as it doesn't start making little happy noises while I'm trying to poop 😰

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 24 points 10 months ago (6 children)

I find the thought of encouragement more disturbing.

"Come on, buddy you can do it.. yeah, I see that's a big one...."
ghasp
"a REALLY big one. I can see it. Push, don't forget to breathe.. yeah, there ya go, pinch it off. Nice! You've changed your diet, haven't you? Good job!"

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 10 months ago

Oh hey, suggestions of diet changes for health might be nice, suggestions because they like corn, not nice.

I can't believe I wrote that

[–] mateomaui@reddthat.com 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I heard this in a sports announcer’s voice, with everyone in the house listening.

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

All I get is Gilbert Gottfried.

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[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I will probably opt to go poop in a bucket out in the yard then

[–] ezchili@iusearchlinux.fyi 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

A horny bucket? Now that's just silly...

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 40 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If my toilet were sentient, I would get a non- sentient normal toilet. Idiot OP.

[–] PixTupy@lemmy.ml 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Would you keep the sentient one as a friend?

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 17 points 10 months ago

Sure. It’s not like I have many friends.

[–] Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This would probably be the only option but it would still be difficult because for a start there'd have to be a period of time between discovering it was sentient and getting that new toilet and you'd still have to shit and then there's the issue of whether the toilet can survive if removed and if it wants to or is OK with being move/removed. If not, you'd have to basically get an entire new bathroom to place a new toilet in which could be financially difficult.

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago

You vastly overestimate my level of empathy for my talking toilet; I’d rip that bitch out in a heartbeat

[–] ezchili@iusearchlinux.fyi 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Toilets do a really important job and it is one that I would not enjoy doing myself.

If it's got a poop fetish then fuck it, I'll host parties and take suggestions on what too feed guests!

[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'd want it to love it but hate itself for how much it loves it.

[–] kromem@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

It's disturbing when I have a clever response to the title of a post and then click in to see it already typed out staring back at me.

You sick (and prompt) fuck.

[–] Catsrules@lemmy.ml 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is it just my toilet in my house or all toilets in the world? Could I move and avoid having this problem?

Is killing my toilet an option?

If I have no other choice I guess crave....

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If you could kill the toilet, would you really wanna defecate in the dead body of a sentient being?? Thats cold

[–] Catsrules@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

If I am being honest I don't really want to defecate in an body of a sentient being living or dead. Although I don't know what would be worse.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 11 points 10 months ago (4 children)

I don’t know what show or year even, but when I was a kid I remember some weird sci fi show or movie with people being on a sort of sentient organic space ship, and the toilets were literally this. Living things that would feast on human waste, iirc including going the extra mile of having tongues to lick the user clean.

[–] cheesymoonshadow@lemmings.world 10 points 10 months ago

I already spend too much time sitting on the toilet. If I got a good tonguing, I may never leave.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tongues? Just, hear me out for a second..

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I am listening with a flaired starfish...

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[–] AlternateRoute@lemmy.ca 5 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 4 points 10 months ago

Thats it, lmao

Looks even more obscure than I remembered

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[–] Mongostein@lemmy.ca 10 points 10 months ago

I’d like it to the the personality of Wilma Flintstone’s vacuum. β€œIt’s a living”

[–] beebarfbadger@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

Aaand that's enough internet for today.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I mean I don't wanna force my toilet to consume my poop, i'm not a capitalist!

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 5 points 10 months ago

Crapitalist*

[–] CanadaPlus@futurology.today 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Crave it. The other way would be cruel.

IRL I'd go somewhere else, of course, but that's not the spirit of the question.

[–] ashok36@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

While your toilet isn't alive to crave your waste, the microbes and such at the waste water facility that your crap goes to do in fact crave and need your waste to survive and propogate. It ain't ice cream, but your crap always ends up as food for something.

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

I wish it was indifferent and defeated, like the appliances in the Flintstones.

[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hate me for it. I don't need to hear moaning everytime I need to take a shit.

[–] fiddlesticks@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago

I guess the horrified screams would be motivation to hurry up

[–] superterran@discuss.online 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You definitely want it to enjoy the experience, otherwise it seems too risky to sit

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[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago
[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Feed me poop daddy uwu

[–] mateomaui@reddthat.com 4 points 10 months ago

I could deal with either as long as it doesn’t terrorize the dog.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If my toilet was sentient, I'd start going to the bathroom outside.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That's cruel if it enjoys it, like not feeding a pet.

[–] mnglw@beehaw.org 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

no its not, consent is important

I do not consent to having my bodily waste be enjoyed by my toilet

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Pls πŸ₯ΊπŸ‘‰πŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸ½

[–] mnglw@beehaw.org 3 points 10 months ago

oh I see you're that kinda person

No means no

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 3 points 10 months ago

Look up skibidi toilet... oh no wait, better yet, don't! :-P

[–] NotJustForMe@lemmy.ml 3 points 10 months ago

Since its main purpose is to flush bodily waste, I'd be making it extra happy. Since a toilets' nature seems to be wanting to be clean, it will be very happy with me. My diet produces very easy to process waste.

We'd be best buddies, and I would expect some moaning and groaning. Probably posting about it on their assbook pages.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 3 points 10 months ago

"Let's build robots with Genuine People Personalities," they said. So they tried it out with me. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you?"

[–] Turbula@lemmy.ml 3 points 10 months ago (4 children)
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[–] teamevil@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Soil is kinda sentient...and it doesn't "crave" waste but definitely uses it as food to get healthier so let's do that instead of water sports nightmare toilet collection?

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[–] wuphysics87@lemmy.ml 2 points 10 months ago

My toilet sings swing low sweet chariot

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