cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/10594088
In a heartbeat
“Treat.”
“Another treat.”
this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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aww
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"That was awesome! Now YOU give me a treat."
That's one of my dogs. The other would be.
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Thank you for petting me."
"You stopped petting me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
"Pet me."
(Continue for the rest of the day.)
"I WANT TO EAT THE FLESH OF GOD"
Cheeky little midnight snack
In the other post someone posted a comic that goes:
"I wish to swap bodies with the human"
"I wish they couldn't talk anymore"
This one:
Thanks for doing the work for me, appreciate you :P
Bro what a good boy. Imagine never having to deal with human bullshit like money again. You get to chill, eat food that you think is delicious, play sports, and just generally only ever have to worry about that shady mailman fella.
He even took away the one thing that could ruin all that. If a dog could speak they'd be a freak show.
You don't mentally become a dog... you go insane being a human trapped in a foreign body eating flavorless cardboard.
The dog seemed pretty intelligent as soon as it could speak, and most dogs are pretty damn happy. Being human kinda sucks imo and how do you know your new dog taste buds won't love that cardboard? Clearly there's a physical component to taste since covid changed so many people's taste perception.
Admittedly, the one thing that would drive me crazy would be missing my friends
Not lack of opposing thumbs and the ability shit indoors or at least ask clearly to shit outside?
The way I see it the opposable thumbs helped get us into this mess, and they better let me outside lmao, I'm not gonna clean, I'm a dog.
My dog rings a bell when she wants to go outside.
We tried that with our corgi. She learned to abuse it to go play, then after we worked on that, she learned to pretend pee after going out before trying to play.
Ours sometimes rings the bell to make us stand up, and then steal our seat, or food.
I always like to think that if my female toy poodle could talk she would sound like a fat biker and scream slurs at things all day long
The idea of the inner monologue of my cute teddy bear dog sounding like the guy from rogue warrior always brings me a chuckle
I have an evil dog. A very evil dog. If she could make a wish, the first would would be for an infinite number of baby bunnies to eat because the day she found the nest of baby bunnies and ate them all was the best day of her life and her second wish would be for an infinite number of other things to kill and then play with after she's killed them.
The other one would wish for me to scratch his belly until the end of time, so I'm not giving him any wishes.
That's not evil. Lots of dogs were bred for thousands of years to hunt small animals. It's like asking you not to like eating ice cream.
Were they also bred to play with them for hours and not let anyone near them until you trick them into letting them go?
And then there was the time she brought half a squirrel through the dog door. Just half a squirrel.
She's learning to share. Good dog!
Or, if those happened in reverse order: She's learning that you don't want her to share the animals. Good dog!
She still doesn't want to share. She just forgot she left it on the living room floor.
Oh, and there was another time she brought in half a rabbit.
To be fair, who hasn't set down the half squirrel they were gnawing on and forgotten about it? Maybe the half squirrel and half rabbit were supposed to go together and make an even more fun animal to ~~maim and kill~~ play with. Cute little Dogtor Frankenstein.
It sounds like a good idea until your dog asks to eat you so you can always be with him.
If it's what he wants...
I wish my owner was a chew toy and never dies
This would make a good twilight zone episode
Or maybe a Night Springs episode?
I have no mouth and I must scream vibes here
Amazing, I love this. Gave me the chills.
“I wish I could run forever!”
[zoooooom!]
All fun and games until you find out your dog is actually a terrible person, and now has 2 wishes
For reference, imagine the dog is a chihuahua
I don't think I can trust my cats with that power. Chubby cat might just ask for a super soft bed and for me to cuddle her more.
Mr. Kitten would be a nightmare. Very demanding kitten.
"Cuddle me forever."
Monkey’s paw: the dog speaks English, but doesn’t understand it.
Dog: "I wish for... SQUIRREL!"
Genie talking to you: "for your selflessness I grant you 3 more wishes."
I wouldn't want to try explain to my dog why wishing we could be together forever is a bad wish
"Bark, bark bark bark!"
Better hope it's one of those "spirit of the [wish]" friendly genies and not the pissed off used-to-be-a-lawyer ones who achieve geniedom by curse or trap. Should be some sort of ethical code where a wish isn't consumed if no significant change is made.
Wait, are crossposts a thing on Lemmy now? I somehow missed that, but that's pretty cool that it crosses instances
I like this one... Take my up vote.