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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Best_Initiative7505 on 2023-08-11 11:55:42.
This is pretty mild by TIFU standards, but I'm still in some pain and can't do more than whisper like a Bale Batman wannabe.
While messing around with my girlfriend earlier today, I thought it would be funny to suddenly pounce on her and dramatically surprise-hug her. But my genius level body sense turned that intended graceful maneuver into a violently suicidal dive that culminated with me spiking my Adam's apple directly and vehemently onto the boniest part of her shoulder.
I spent the next couple of minutes rolling around in pain, clutching my throat as if I had been stabbed with a knife, while she sat there staring at me in wide-eyed confusion. Now she thinks I'm an idiot and I can't even defend myself because I've injured my voice box enough that I can't do more than raspily whisper. But I do agree I'm an idiot anyway.
TL;DR I tried to playfully embrace my girlfriend but ended up hurting my throat and now I can't speak.