This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2023-08-11 06:04:31.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/clarityanon. She posted in r/TwoHotTakes.
Trigger Warnings: threatening to reveal someone's identity; blackmail; harassment; abuse
Mood Spoiler: frustrating and angry-making, but still some hope
Original Post: June 22, 2023
Hi all, this is a very weird and specific situation but I’m hoping Morgan and crew see this and can give me some advice even if they’re not anonymous on the channel.
I have a music youtube channel with 300k subscribers. It’s an insane amount of viewers to me and it’s allowed me to live my dream of making music for a living. I am also anonymous.
I don’t want to sound preachy, but I’ve sort of allowed my fans to ‘dream-ify’ me in that since they have no idea what I look like, the ‘canon’/theory is this super attractive goth gamer girl with the perfect body. I am not that. I obviously won’t go into specifics, but I have incredibly low self-esteem and look nothing like what people think. And with the whole Dream unmasking/remask fiasco, I’ve made an even more conscious effort to stay anonymous. I do regret this decision in hindsight, but I made the account when I was 14 and it started gaining traction when I was 16 and I wasn’t comfortable with ‘talking down’ to any new viewers. It’s dumb logic, but it was true to me at the time.
My boyfriend, however, thinks that’s bullshit and that I should show my face because it’ll ‘make my life easier’. I highly disagree. Being anonymous means I can separate work and personal life.
We got into a big argument last year after he told his sister who I was. Luckily, she’s solid and promised not to tell anyone (and I believe her as we’re friends) but it damaged my trust in him. I should have broken up with him then, but I was in a very bad place mentally already, and couldn’t handle a breakup.
Anyways, we got into an argument about it again and I said that my anonymity online is not up for discussion and if he brings it up again, I’m going to break up with him. Then, he threatened to leak pictures of my face and body (NOT nudes, like pictures with my body in them) if I broke up with him.
I don't know what to do. I really don't want my identity out there but would it be 'worth it' to get away from him? I'm sorry if this is dumb, my mind is scrambled.
EDIT: sorry for not clarifying earlier, it totally slipped my mind but he has videos and pictures of me in the studio recording and producing. You can clearly see my face in them, so those videos coupled with other pictures would make it very easy for people to find who I am.
Relevant Comments:
Someone writes a long (well written) Comment on how this is abuse:
"wow I never considered this abuse until now (not sarcasm). idk what I thought it was but this comment has opened my mind.
I have no issue confronting him I just don't think it would change anything. And I don't want to piss him off and him leak my face in the heat of his anger.
I'll keep the last bit in mind though. Thank you :)"
How does he think it will "make your life easier???"
"I don't have a damn clue. I asked him this and he just kinda mumbled his words and said something about how being out and open about my identity is easier than concealing who I am, which I highly disagree with."
Responses to questions:
Thank you for your comment! I'm going to try and answer everything I can.
Is your anonymity like a huge part of your online persona, or just one aspect of many?
I wouldn't say it's part of my persona in the way that Corpse or Dream have it, but people have definitely speculated on my appearance. I've tried not to feed into it by not addressing it but internally, it's caused some issues that have caused me to stay anon.
I know you said that the pictures are of you recording/producing but is there some other type of identifier that clearly shows it is you? Or is your audience aware of what your set up looks like?
They know what the set up looks like and my FL template that I use to produce. The videos are also of me performing outtakes or deleted songs that I posted snippets off.
I’d def look into some legal options like some have already suggested.
I differently will.
Update Post: August 4, 2023 (1.5 months later)
CW: mentions of coercion.
well... he leaked my face. And he chose a damn ugly picture too.
After I made my post, I tried to talk to him about it and got his sister involved. His sister and I are very good friends and she's on my side 100%. It went better than I expected but still not good. He stopped bringing it up for about 2 or so weeks before trying to blackmail me again but in a much more sinister way.
He threatened to post a picture if I didn't do certain sexual acts for him. Acts that are a 100% no go for me. Without getting into details, I managed to convince him that I was sick and he left it for the night.
I managed to move out while he was at work the next day and am staying with his sister and another friend (who both know what happened) and who think he's disgusting.
Then I made a post on my community tab explaining the situation, something someone had suggested to me. I said my ex-boyfriend is threatening to leak my face and that it's not what I want. I said I don't know when or on what website, or if he'll do it at all, but it goes against my wishes and that if they see it, to report it and respect my wishes and not share it. I got a ton of support which really helped.
He posted a picture later that day along with my full name and which university I attend. I had to go to a meeting with the uni who are being surprisingly good about it. I made a police report at the uni's request although I don't think that will do anything.
Both sets of parents know what's going on and maybe I'm just jaded, but I wasn't expecting his parents to be on my side. I think they see how good friends I am with their daughter.
I didn't make a post announcing the face leak to my followers but my comments are filled with support.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. It really meant a lot.
I'm going to log out now for a bit and stay offline for a while.
Marked as ongoing in case OOP updates about legal action taken, if any. Please remember the no brigading rule- do NOT comment on OOP's original posts or dm her.