this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
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Long Island's Sand Filled Condom (startrek.website)
submitted 11 months ago by Stamets@startrek.website to c/tumblr@lemmy.world
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[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 105 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Extremely passionate niche communities about seemingly mundane things are my absolute favorite thing about the internet.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 30 points 11 months ago (4 children)

The only thing I actually miss about reddit is the neverbrokeabone subreddit. A whole community dedicated to trash talking weak-boned bitches was just hilarious to me.

[–] ThisIsNotHim@sopuli.xyz 9 points 11 months ago

I've never broken a bone. When I remember that I become acutely aware of how fragile my bones and everything else about my body is for a while.

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[–] frezik@midwest.social 24 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Have you seen Ian's Shoelace Site? It's serious business. And actually useful.

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That's so weird I taught myself how to tie my shoes in the "Ian knot" when I was like 12 to seem special and I had no idea it was a whole site.

For anyone out there who doesn't know it already, learn the Ian knot. Life saver

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[–] lunarul@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Oh wow, that's the website where I learned to tie my shoelaces about 20 years ago. My shoelaces kept coming undone and I finally went to look for a solution online. Turns out I've been using a granny knot all my life until then.

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[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This was the internet before Facebook.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Anybody else remember bad-candy.com? It was just one guy reviewing terrible candies, like Swedish salty licorice and circus peanuts. I miss the old internet.

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[–] delitomatoes@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago

There was this fantastic list on chocolate bars and taste per dollar for each. Sadly it's buried by SEO listicles and I've never been able to find it again

[–] roguetrick@kbin.social 45 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (5 children)

I have a feeling it was their favorite apple because it was good for making booze, pies and sauce, not eating raw.

Granny Smith is similar in that role nowadays.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Granny Smith is the only apple I will eat. Fight me.

[–] h3mlocke@lemm.ee 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Granny Smiths rise up! 💪

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[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Granny Smith eaters probably drink black coffee, rye whiskey neat and punch kittens.

[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 10 points 11 months ago

Argh there! Are you questioning my kitten punching skills? Sounds like youre itching for a good ol fashioned whollupup! The ol kangaroo toss up. A salad with ranch dressing! If you take my meaning. Have at you!

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago

From lower down on that site's page dedicated to the sand-filled condom:

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 37 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Fuji Apple:

Yet another demon spawn of the Red Delicious (crossed with a Ralls Janet) this gravelly choking hazard named after Fujisaki City, Japan is a J-Pop Star of an apple fit with a ravenous fanbase that many Americans will find difficult to understand. Personally, it is beyond comprehension how this super-hard medieval weapon masquerading as a fruit could become the most popular apple in Japan (and a top 5 apple worldwide). Aside from a semi-sweet initial bite, this mushy, rough-skinned, experiment gone awry is a baffling oddity with a sword-like stem so sharp it will – quite literally – stab other apples in transit. Despite this, the Fuji fandom is real, uncompromising, and dedicated. A Fuji is not for everyone but, if it’s for you, it just may be your favorite apple.

Oooh! Ooh! Why i oughta! Oohhh! Mmmmmhh! (hops around, angrily)

[–] twelvefloatinghands@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

What?! Difficult to find at peak ripeness, sure, bit fujis are top tier crisp, sweet, and big

[–] v_krishna@lemmy.ml 28 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Lol this site is gold. Even for the good apples, the descriptions are wild.

Most would expect this clown-urine soaked frog testicle to taste like an unhealed surgical wound since each bite resembles a freshly picked scab. However, most (whoever they are) should prepare their expectations to be shattered.

[–] christian@lemmy.ml 12 points 11 months ago

Storing well through the winter, its flesh is dense, tough, and chewy like an embalmed cadaver (which quickly devolves into mush like a regular cadaver).

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 23 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As a long islander I can say long island also happens to be NYs sand filled condom as a whole.

We're a bunch of sandy crotch entitled assholes lol

[–] Peaty@sh.itjust.works 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Staten Island is what then? Aside from really racist.

[–] A7thStone@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

The unwashed ball sack, of course.

[–] thefloweracidic@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago

[–] archiotterpup@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Isn't that apple a cider apple? It wasn't meant to be eaten.

[–] UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 10 points 11 months ago

Just like a sand-filled condom. Nice warning label.

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[–] Zehzin@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (8 children)

I will accept any opinions on apples so long as it includes:

  • S Rank - Pink Lady, Granny Smith

  • F Rank - Red Delicious

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 28 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I'm old enough to remember when Red Delicious were the bomb. They really fucked them up by heavily breeding them for a tough skin for travel. They were so popular in the 80's they bred them to shit.

They didn't deserve this future.

I miss my Red Delicious.

[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Oh, holy crow! I wasn't just wearing rose tinted glasses, they actually do suck now?! I can remember Red Delicious apples in the 90's that'd make you wanna slap your grandma.

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 6 points 11 months ago

Not crazy. I live in Apple country (Ontario, Canada) and Red Delicious were my favourite apple until my 20's.

A Red Delicious used to have a snap to the skin when you bit and a crisp crunch with a semi-sweet flavour. As time went on they bred more and more for the thick skin because it was so popular. In breeding that thick skin a lot of times what you get is an apple that's mealy inside like a MacIntosh (fuck those abominations).

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/red-delicious-apples-suck_n_5b630199e4b0b15abaa061af

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[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

The "best for" entry for Red Delicious on the site is "compost."

It's about right.

[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (2 children)

If you put granny Smith apples as S tier we have nothing to discuss, granny smiths are dogshit.

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[–] digger@lemmy.ca 10 points 11 months ago

Apple Rankings is one of the few remaining gems of the internet.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Yall motherfuckers sleeping on honeycrisp

[–] Peaty@sh.itjust.works 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Cosmic crisp and Evercrisp are vastly superior to Honeycrisp. Cosmic Crisps are the better version of the honeycrisp largely because you can only grow them in WA right now.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I live in shit heap Texas. I will eat my honeycrisp and dream of these wonderful apples.

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[–] TonyToniToneOfficial@lemmy.ml 8 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Newtown Pippin, now there is a name I have not heard in a very long time.

[–] Fauxaly@lemmy.one 8 points 11 months ago

I didn't know this site existed and just checked it out. Amazing.

[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Where my Braeburn boys at?

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[–] tissek@sopuli.xyz 8 points 11 months ago

Missing my two favorites: Gravenstein and Ingrid Marie. Great eating apples, a bit of the tart side with just slight sweetness.

[–] ericbomb@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Its the only apple in apple hell.

Never heard of this apple but I need to know what crime this apple commits.

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