Asklemmy

Since I didn’t see any responses that directly answered the question of what do you DO, I’ve prepared a short guide for a generic social gathering. This guide may be inappropriate in some contexts such as a dinner party or event/tv show watching party, etcetera:

1. Show up

• Not at the exact start time, but at a minimum of 15-20 minutes “late”
• Bringing an unopened bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer, or another drink of choice is almost always a classy move.
• If you drove, don’t park like an asshole. Consider the neighbors.
• If you’re standing on the doorstep and you can hear music, it’s probably safe to just walk in (make sure you’re at the right place!). Otherwise, knock/ring doorbell.

2. Party!

• Get yourself a drink and/or a plate of food if snacks are out
• Find friends and say hi! You should probably know at least one other person. How else would you have been invited?
• Explore! Hosts expect people in their house so it’s generally okay to look around, admire artwork, investigate the music, go into the backyard, etc. Don’t go anywhere that’s obviously closed off, unlit, or otherwise not a party locale.
• Talk and socialize. Meet new people! Ask your friend(s) to introduce you to their friend(s). Lightly eavesdrop on convos for something interesting you can talk about. Listen in general. Ask people what they like to do. Share stories about yourself! Pro tip: the length of your stories should be proportional to how well you know the person you’re telling it to. Just met the person? Suuuuper short stories. “No way! That reminds me of the time my cat was in the bathroom when she got hit by a car! The vet said she was very lucky to have a good friend!” (Confession: I used autocomplete to write that story)
• Dance!
• Find the host and complement their place, the party, the music, food, whatever. Just be nice. Offer to help if they look at all stressed.
• Play party games like beer pong or whatever.

3. Leave! Say thanks. Take your stuff. Cleanup whatever plates/glasses you’ve used. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t overstay your welcome.

This was probably too much info. I have insomnia. I hope someone reads this.

The reason I like lemmy, and reddit before, is that it feels like a cocktail party. You wander into a conversation already in progress, listen awhile, maybe say something, maybe make a new human connection.

You basically hide in the kitchen with the other kitchen hiding people until the party ends, particularly when someone in the living room picks up an acoustic guitar.

Drink, talk, play games, share music. If I don't know many people, it's normal for your friends to be socialising with a bunch of other people they know. I usually grab a beer, look for two or three friendly people sitting down, have a sit, tell them my name, and tell them I know no one except that guy surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Almost always they're friendly back, start asking questions about me, I ask question about them, and soon enough we've reached a common ground or some topic we can talk about.

If I'm ever stuck alone again, I can seek them out like, "Yup, it's happened again so I'm just gonna hang around you guys so I don't feel weird." And that's always quite a laugh.

Extroverts are your best friends in these situations. Most love leading the conversation and appreciate you seek them out. They'll take care of you. It's not awkward at all.

Is that you, Zuckerberg?

It sucks.

The hoods and cloaks are claustrophobic and hot. They don't serve any food. There's a lot of chanting and singing in Latin.

Everyone has to do this choreographed routine involving raising their arms at the right time and marching to different places and standing still.

You aren't allowed to talk or anything, unless you're running the shindig.

It's basically a bunch of that until the goat gets sacrificed, and then at least one of the members will have some sort of seizure or something, and it's overly dramatic.

It's kind of cool when the dude spontaneously catches on fire until they start walking between the acolytes and giving their 'blessing.'

Then there's the week of lost time afterwards where you have no idea what your body is being used for, or even which entity is using it. Almost got fired one time for that.

And you're bound to ruin a few outfits with random blood stains, tears, dirt marks.

3/10.

Sometimes we get to eat part of the goat though, but it's raw. So I guess that kind of makes up for the no food.

It's a social gathering. Of a specific group of people. The difference between a party, and a group lunch, is basically the time frames, and a more curated group of people tend to go to a party. Whereas a lunch tends to be who's available.

Parties tend to be some celebration, which is a human social norm, but really the reason for the party is less important than the social interaction. Humans need periodic social contact to maintain relationships, and parties are a good avenue for that.

There's a whole spectrum of parties, there's dance parties, there's drug parties, there's alcohol parties, there's board game parties, there's beer parties, there's dinner parties, there's anything. Any form of human social engagement could be a party.

Just think of parties as a way to maintain your social standing, and refresh relationship status, with a group of related people at once. So it's very efficient in that regard.

You can either walk around and talk to people (most people are receptive to being spoken to) or nervously hold your drink in hand, as you wait for someone to approach you.

Personally I prefer the former. If I'm by myself I just look for someone who seems nervous and uncomfortable. I'm friendly, and as long as I'm in a good mood I tend to make people feel comfortable around me- but I have had times where I just stand there. Standing and waiting is highly unpleasant. Better to hide in the bathroom if that's what you'll be doing instead of chatting. Highly recommend chatting or "mingling"

(If someone is lame, boring or seems uninterested, just approach someone else. Most groups will also make a space for you if you approach them in the event that there are no loners)

Talk about themselves while trying to make it seem like they are asking about you.

"So, you ever been to Mt Everest?"

"Oh, no... ... ... You?"

"Ah yeah man, it was like a religious experience. You have to go. It will change your life."

"Oh neat. I'll keep it in mind."

"You ever been skydiving?"

FML

I don't know about people, but for me, in the parties I attended, it was various mixes of talking, drinking alcohol, eating, playing games, listening to music, and dancing. No activity was mandatory. Usually there's always talking, drinking and alcohol, the rest depends on the party.

It starts by inviting your core friend group over an hour early for pre drinks. You and your friends drink and put some music on and as people arrive you integrate them into whatever you're doing. As more people arrive and everyone gets drunk people break off and chat, dance, play games

If you've ever been to a festival or fair, think of it as a miniature version of that. It's mostly just a hangout for people to do fun things they wouldn't do everyday, since they feel the day is exceptional.

Most of the parties I go to are typically just chatting and drinking/smoking. Good way to meet new people that likely have similar interests to you, since everybody there already has at least one common connection, usually. Activities will depend on the friend group. Some of my get-togethers will have a light-hearted board game, sometimes everyone will watch a movie and riff on it MST3K-style, sometimes we'll just get high and bitch to each other about work.

Personally, I don't really go to parties where there's music or dancing, since that's not really my scene. But sometimes the mood will just be right and someone may crank up some tunes and start moving.

It really varies depending on your personal circles. If you're invited and feeling anxious about it, just go with no expectations. Just show up, hang out, chat a bit, and feel things out. If you decide you don't like it, you can always just leave, and usually nobody's gonna care.

Drink, get hit on by girls that want to know why I'm so quiet.

Most just talk to people

Party is also known as neurodivergent hell. Avoid. If you can’t avoid, the kitchen is a good place to hide.

We usually eat variety of food (some classic party foods like chips but often also cheeses, hand made appetizers brought by guests and some main cooked by the host), enjoy boardgames and chat. That's about it.

Look at my watch and wonder when it's socially acceptable to leave.

I don't know if it's changed since, but when I was younger, the best parties were unplanned. If someone said they were having a party on Saturday night, guaranteed it would be forty people at a dull affair.

However, if fifteen people randomly ended up in one house with vast amounts of drink and drugs, the police would be called at some point and the local newspaper would finally have an interesting story