I hate this. You think you’ve got a good streak going and have been doing well for weeks and weeks, then something interrupts the pattern for a day or three…and it’s like trying to start from scratch all over again.
this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2025
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Best part is when there isn't anything that interrupts, but you just forget the habit
It's so fucking hard.
Life is just a loop of scrambling to be stable, struggling to maintain it, then inevitably falling back to square one when something knocks you out of the routine.
I feel this in my soul.
I know but then it's so easy to give up, and even if you don't, the next time something slightly disturbs the balance, such as it being Thursday, you need to achieve a monumental life changing effort again just to do the exact same thing you did for months..? And the crazy thing is that even experts on the subject don't seem to understand going "it'll get easier just keep at it" my sister in Christmas, I am fourty freaking years old I don't think I'll suddenly be able to not randomly forget brushing my teeth
I tried to explain to someone that our (adhd) brains are literally incapable of forming habits. They tried to remind me of all my bad habits, therefore I was wrong. And that was just too much for me to unpack and explain to them (they didn't know me or my habits, they were just talking about the bad habits that come along with adhd, but thats a whole other story)
But when someone told me habits are something you do without thinking about it. Like, at all.
I've never had a habit in my life. I have to think through every step of every task, no matter how many times I've done them before, nothing just runs of its own volition. And I could have done something literally 10,000 times and I'll still miss a vital step and screw it up.
That fun effect is called, executive dysfunction. Yay!
My mom used to say this type of shit to me all the time. She also refused to get me tested or anything so there's that too.
You had one consistent habit, which was moving through the world untested and unmedicated. Most of your success can be attributed to this habit.
What's habits precious?
"like what nuns wear?"
Precious habits, yes, the rituals we does, yesss, over and over, they can hurt us, or make our lives better, precious!
3 month habit? Those are rookie numbers lol. In one 3-day stint of a hospital stay, I once completely lost a habit I had developed over more than 5 years prior.
You started pissing the bed again, didn't you?
I mean... I'm not gonna say no, but I'm also not gonna lie
The problem is that it takes someone else to remind you to do the thing often enough and with enough impetus to make it a habit
Which will only last until the first time you're sick and can't, and then that habit is gone
I played guitar for 3 years until I cut the tip of my finger off with a mandolin. Literally haven't touched it since
If you haven't heard of Tony Iommi, he was (is?) the guitarist for Black Sabbath who cut two of his fingertips off, on his fretting hand, in some kind of shop accident at work.
Despite this, he popped on a couple of thimbles and proceeded to basically invent the power chord and was a pioneer of guitar riffage.
You only lost one, so you've already got one-up on him!
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I used to paint and draw daily every day for 5 years. Then i tried 3d. Used to do it every day for 8 years. Then i tried programming.
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Does mandolin have more than one meaning? I know it as type of lute instrument, but I can't imagine someone cutting theirself on one.
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My phone does that for me. I use a habit tracker with undismissable notifications that take only a "Yes" or "No" answer (it's a bit more customizable, but this is how I use it), which helps keep me accountable for my habits.
Unfortunately, it's been almost 3 months for a habit that I'm trying to nail down and I still forget sometimes.
I've tried something like that.
But I'm unfortunately prone to leaving my phone in my bedroom, so it never works out
When I'm trying to habituate to something by myself, I usually do okay by setting up barriers. Can't do X because Y is in the way, so I handle Y, and eventually I'll usually just start doing Y as part of doing X, where X is something I want to do.
It takes a few weeks but it usually does work.
It helps is it was a hyperfixation at one point. In my case, timelieness was a problem, around the same time I was learning programming (Ruby/Rails) and needed so odd time functions to handle multi-timezone inputs. I ended up with a minor fixation on UTC, multiple clocks set to it and a scary ability to do timezone offsets in my head. Bonus, im not late for shit anymore.
I just use a neurotic fear of being late :)
Idk how it works for NTs, but unless the thing tickles my brain the right way, it's not going to become a habit just through wishful thinking no matter how often I push myself to do it.
Even if something tickles my brain it still doesn't become a habit. I genuinely don't think, in my 30s, with dozens of daily systems and all things considered a damn organized life, that I have a single habit. Everything I do is painstaking. Everything is conscious thought. I do laundry every single day and I have to think through the steps. Brushing my teeth is a slog. Figuring out what to eat is so difficult I often skip it despite just eating the same things over and over. If I don't set alarms, I will forget to feed my kid. Alarms for vitamins that I'm not allowed to dismiss until the vitamin is swallowed. I am struggling to think of a single thing that is automatic. I have to think about opening the blinds every day. I have to think about turning off the lights at night (I think about the consequences of leaving them on to decide which lights I leave on. Every night). Nothing happens out of habit.
This, 100%.
It's funny, after I read your comment I tried to think if anything I do is purely out of habit, rather than a deliberate choice. I thought, "Falling asleep?" at first, but then remembered my insomnia. Hell, it's 4:15am right now.
I can't even sleep overnight "out of habit."
That's what the time machines are for. Gotta go back and make it a habit for your 3 year old self, so that it sticks with you more in your adult life. Basic habits like brushing your teeth before bed, washing your hands before eating, and others commonly taught to young children tend to stick better. I wonder if it's more about the percentage of life with the habit, rather than current habit holding streak that helps keep the habit.
For hand washing, just develop a minor germ phobia from the covid pandemic. Now I wash my hands before I eat, after I get home from the outside world, and after I touch anything my mind deems "unclean". It does of the side effects of dry hands.
That works too, with measles on the rise, maybe that'll help more people with hand washing.
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