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Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 month ago by destructdisc@lemmy.world to c/childfree@lemmy.world

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.wtf/post/22048899

An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.

I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

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[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 36 points 1 month ago

Not at all. The dick move would be to accept the coffee invitation and waste their time when you’re clearly not interested in being their friend.

[–] imakesillyjokes@infosec.pub 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

NTA

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I remember posting in that thread earlier, and people were way more understanding

Now the top comments are all dogpiling on the guy for not wanting to hang out with their friend's children.

Sad

[–] Dragomus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Frankly, it feels like she's testing you. You mention you've been chatting a while and she might have the urge to test you among her children to see how you interact with them.
There's a good chance she might not fully realize she is doing this.
And it doesn't even mean she looks for a direct change in relationship status.
Her motherly instinct just tells her "here is this guy who seems friendly, but how safe is this for my children?"

So, if you're put off by this and have no interest in her or the circumstances, just let her know gently.
If you blow up on her directly about her kids you'll just upset the mother in her and she might not understand, and you might be seen as the a-hole.

[–] adry@piefed.social 1 points 1 week ago

Why not meeting up in a park or anywhere with some attraction to kids? They will still need and have attention, but at least they're not crying. Perhaps she should pick the place, if you communicate assertively about it...
Unless you were 1oo% sure you don't want to be anywhere near kids. Then, that's it...

PS. Do have an pre-made excuse to leave early in case you find things unbearable at some point :P

[–] aguasemgas@lemmy.eco.br -1 points 1 month ago

I mean it's understable, but still feels like it lacks empathy from you. She would probably love to hang out without them, but probably can't.

[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world -1 points 1 month ago

No you're not being a dick but you won't get an objective answer here