this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 61 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Stop pretending like you don't fart when you pee, there's no shame in it. That's typically the time to moan, if you're going to do it.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 36 points 2 months ago (1 children)

All while you’re looking your urinal neighbor straight in the eye.

[–] Mercury@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Relevant username

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 49 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Do it again, but include sneezing this time.

[–] scytale@lemm.ee 39 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If you fart and sneeze at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 15 points 2 months ago

But there's a small chance of it making a printout on your underpants.

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

Core memory

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 months ago

Then add cumming

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Personally, I'd find it very concerning if I went to piss and farts started coming out instead.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@lemmy.today 33 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If you hold farts in till you go to the restroom, its a natural time they'll come out as you relax while peeing.

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 12 points 2 months ago (4 children)

But farts aren't supposed to come out of your pee hole.

...Right?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Urethrarts are dangerous, consult a doctor

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

What am I supposed to say, "Doctor, I pee carbonated."

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[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 4 points 2 months ago

Not with that attitude.

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[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Wouldn't the fart bubbles make the pee go everywhere? Like air bubbles in a garden hose when you first turn it on.

[–] JoeyHarrington@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 months ago

No the farts actually assist with urine release from the urethra. It's healthy.

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[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 months ago

Iirc that's called a Fistula.

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 33 points 2 months ago

checks community

Yep, we're in the right place, boys.

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 25 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Where is the case where I'm being efficient and do everything in 1 go?

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 months ago

That is the entire second row about

[–] Venat0r@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FozzyOsbourne@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

This man's parts send his sharts off the charts

[–] Sparky@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

What like brushing your teeth or showering?

[–] HappyFrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Reading this was very confusing until i realized some people don't sit down to piss.

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[–] Lime66@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

So pissing while farting sucks but farting while pissing is OK?

[–] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Do you drop trou and stand in front of a toilet every time you need to toot the flesh whistle?

[–] Amir@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Yeah the top one is accidental so if you're farting you're probably still wearing your pants

[–] cheddar@programming.dev 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I always put down my pants when I fart.

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 6 points 2 months ago

Farting in the office must be doubly awkward.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

and aim at the ceiling. we call that room "pollock's corner"

Same for shitting/pissing.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] needthosepylons@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Ah yes, I often shit while I shit.

[–] sag@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)
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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Sometimes you think youre done and as you go to wipe, guts are like "but wait, theres more!"

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

That's a matter of opinion.

[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

The picture doesn't do justice to the evil that is sharting. Especially in the middle of a long run.

[–] twinnie@feddit.uk 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I honestly think I’d rather shit myself while farting than piss myself. If you shit yourself you can hide it and clean up. If you piss yourself everyone can see.

[–] ajoebyanyothername@lemmy.world 34 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I feel like you're overestimating your ability to subtly shit yourself.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And the smell. And the potential liquid.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

Yeah, sharts aren't exactly known for being a solid log.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 6 points 2 months ago

Nobody shits themselves with a solid.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

I haven't stopped shitting for the last... checks watch twenty two years. Any combo is nice. The triple is a beaut

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Shitting turns out to be the most hazardous activity of the trifecta.

[–] NerdyPopRocks@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

A remarkable example of a non-Hermitian operator

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