Welcome to c/WouldYouRather, where we present you with the toughest, most ridiculous choices you never knew you had to make! Would you rather have a third arm that's only useful for picking your nose, or be able to talk to animals but only if they're wearing hats? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. Come for the absurdity, stay because you've clearly got nothing better to do with your life.
Rules:
Is there a visible plunger or poop knife in the vicinity of the toilet? If so, your decision is simple.
Either way, I'd still choose the toilet. Don't put too much paper in at once, and if it clogs, just quietly inform the host. Toilets clog all the time, and it's not a big deal. A year from now, people won't remember "the dude who clogged the toilet", but they'd definitely remember "the dude who pooped in the backyard".
Too late ๐ซ
I like how you just said "or poop knife" as if that's a completely normal thing. Now I wonder if I'm out of the loop.
It was an infamous R*ddit post from a few years back:
There was a girl in my high school that tried to pee in the bushes like everyone else at the party, but she had diarrhea. She was close enough that everyone smelled it before she sat back down.
Everyone called her the party pooper.
I think I'd rather clog the toilet than chance getting caught shitting in the bushes.
Flush while pooping so it slides straight down
Crohns person here. Why do you think you'll clog it? Just to a flush after finish. Then a flush after half the toilet paper and then again after the other half. Make sure there is a toilet brush there before you start.
Dont poop in the back yard.
"knowing that you'll clog it"? WTH? Did the host only provide a piss-only toilet?
One must know what one is capable of
A man knows his ass
Goddamn that is a shit to end all shits if I know it'll cause a clog before I've even dropped the log.
With what the host had to have fed me for me to receive visions of the doom I am about to unleash, I'm telling them that what's about to happen is going to be on their hands, mostly because it's probably gonna be bloody too.
Poop in the bushes and clog them
Poop in the toilet because (1) if it's big enough then I'm proud to be associated with it and (2) I can probably unclog the toilet with enough work.
Clog it... then unclog it. Make sure I have the plunger before starting.
Clog the toilet ๐ช
Look for the well worn knife in the bathroom somewhere.
Bail on the party entirely, try not to shit yourself on the way home
beans
Toilet, for sure. If you have enough confidence, you can own it and be proud, you'll win the respect of everyone. Or at I'm told, anyway.