this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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all 48 comments
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[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 159 points 4 months ago (3 children)

"The hotel was perfect but the weather was bad." 3/5

[–] motor_spirit@lemmy.world 43 points 4 months ago (1 children)

that's the essence of many reviews unfortunately ha

[–] Transporter_Room_3@startrek.website 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes for gits and shiggles, I'll check the one star reviews for things I know are going to trip inexperienced people up.

Like... It's basically the "substituted flour with powdered eggplant and milk with tobacco sauce, 1/10 tasted horrible but I followed the recipe exactly" meme

Especially anything with DIY properties. "doesn't work, connected to the battery and it immediately blew up" when it's clear from the picture they hooked a 48v battery into a 12v speed controller. Or cut some wires they weren't supposed to. Or reversed polarity of an important component. Or....

And rather than admit they fucked it up, they give bad reviews.

I particularly like when the listing is clearly for something that requires assembly, and bad reviews complain it came "in pieces". READ, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS

And if you see a bunch of bad grammar, and inconsistent specs in a listing.... Maybe don't put too much faith in the $5 item that would cost $100 if you bought it from a licensed and certified source with quality assurance...

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What meme? I can't find anything because it just keeps showing me eggplant recipes.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 12 points 4 months ago

The meme is people replacing ingredients with others and complaining when it doesn't work

https://www.reddit.com/r/ididnthaveeggs/

[–] dudinax@programming.dev 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's probably great, but UPS lost it. 1/5. Would be 0/5 if I could give 0.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

Just arrived today and looks great but haven't had a chance to try it yet. 5/5

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Why do they use [FedEx/UPS/USPS]?! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] can never find my house! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] is the WORST shipping service of all of them! Product is amazing though.

-three separate one-star reviews

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 months ago

POV: 3 separate 1-star reviews are as good as one 3-star review

[–] psmgx@lemmy.world 69 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 68 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I can give myself a handjob. You want that fifth star you better get to suckin.

[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

something something Marilyn Manson something something bottom two ribs

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 14 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Meh that's an old fake story.

The guy from Whitest Kids You Know on the other hand, he fell off a balcony after successfully giving himself a blowie.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Dude was a sexual powerhouse. Rip

[–] Omniraptor@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

yeah iirc his will asked to be identified as "local sexpot" in the obituary.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Is that actually real? Googled it and I found the accident, but nothing about autofellatio

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

He did fall from a balcony. His fellow wkuk cast members said he died sucking his own dick as their way of honoring him with humor.

https://youtu.be/glDqt6K7_D8

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Lol I forgot about drowning in his own cum.

I give those guys so much respect for going through with honoring him like that. Not many people would actually do that after a close friend dies.

[–] dudinax@programming.dev 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Pythons showing respect for Graham Chapman's ashes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox9bcx_LZMs

[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 2 points 4 months ago

yeah it's probably bollocks but people of a...certain vintage can't think of stories of sucking oneself off without making the link to big Brian himself.

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 1 points 4 months ago

Yes. Here's a lovely song explaining it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6HQgKGOFHFE

[–] rockhstrongo@lemmy.world 53 points 4 months ago

One star off because the doctor is the one who hit them with a Mercedes

[–] the_beber@lemm.ee 46 points 4 months ago (2 children)

There‘s an intrinsic bias to never (or rarely) give the maximum or minimum on a rating scale. source

[–] Infynis@midwest.social 17 points 4 months ago

I don't bother writing a review unless it's a one or five star. Maybe a particularly offensive two star

[–] flames5123@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

But really! In Japan, most people do 3 stars for great service. Most good businesses have 2.5-3.5 stars.

[–] zourn@lemmy.world 45 points 4 months ago

That 5th star was for making his life worth saving.

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 45 points 4 months ago

One way to get five star ratings would be climbing a tall building, enabling GOD MODE, and then blasting anything that moves with RPGs... At least that's how I remember GTA San Andreas

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 43 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Saved their life, put them into crippling medical debt.

[–] Benaaasaaas@lemmy.world 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Well that's on insurance, not the doctor.

[–] count_dongulus@lemmy.world 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Actually it's on the hospital Chargemaster

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Either way, it's not the doctor, who's probably in crippling student loan debt. And this doctor looks young enough to have a huge amount of it.

[–] aidan@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago

It could be on the doctor if they're in individual practice, probably aren't though

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 31 points 4 months ago

Imagine seen the light, feeling the peace and the BAM... an asshole saved your life. And he thinks he deserves 5 stars. The audacity

[–] Pilferjinx@lemmy.world 18 points 4 months ago

A nihilist probably wouldn't leave a review, or would. Honestly, it doesn't matter.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hi, nihilist here, and I would have probably left instructions to give him five stars if he was cool about it. I mean I'm not going to recommend a jerk even if I'm already dead.

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

Here Lies Etterra,

His doctor was a jerk. Do not recommend.

[–] myusernameis@lemmy.ca 16 points 4 months ago

I worked in craft beer marketing for a while and the running joke about untapped was something like...

"Best lager I've ever had... I don't like lagers. 1 star."

[–] marito@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have no idea why my Uber rating (passenger) is 4.7.

[–] TurboHarbinger@feddit.cl 13 points 4 months ago

2/5 passenger didn't listen to me talk about

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"Dr. Lewis saved my life!" One star, because they wanted to die

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

Did he check his whole island for weeds?

[–] profdc9@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

Maybe it was just coincidence that the patient survived when Dr. Lewis intervened. Correlation is not causation, after all.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Have to do it again but this time do it under an hour.

[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 1 points 4 months ago

Beating good old amputation speedrun with 300% mortality?