This community is a place created for the people of Melbourne and Victoria. We are a positive, welcoming and inclusive community. We might not agree about everything, but we always strive to stay civil and respectful.
The focus of our discussions is based around things that effect Victoria, but we are also free to discuss our local perspective on wider issues. Or head to the regular Daily Random Discussion thread to talk about anything.
Ongoing discussions, FAQs & Resources (still under construction)
Adoption Certificate for Nellie, the Daily Thread numbat (with thanks to @Catfish)
Just can't shake the blues. No idea what's wrong specifically, just a grey cloud hanging over me.
I think the isolation might be getting to me. I don't normally speak to a friend more than once or so a fortnight.
That's a big part of work for me. I miss being around people. I feel alive when I'm around people. I'm getting by on the fumes of an oily rag so going out and doing stuff isn't really possible.
Just gotta be patient.
/vent
The intermittently grey weather doesn't help. I know what you mean about work. I feel a bit disconnected from society without it. The people in this thread have been an essential part of me feeling more connected to people.
I get it. Vast majority of my social interactions are through work. If it went away, I'd be lost, and I have been in the past. With the tenacity you appear to have, I'm sure it will be over soon and you'll be looking forward to your solo evenings and weekends with Gibson. Hang in there πͺ
we're here , hugs
Morning cuddles
This is an old throwback now: Does anyone remember me complaining about some "Mates" Who had kids and made some really distasteful "Jokes" back when we were still struggling ourselves? Something about throwing their baby in the bin or something cause he was frustrating them? Well, got a bit of an update on them.
Drama
They are struggling. Hard. Her mental health is in the bin, and he is pushed for time having taken a job that seems him out of the house from 5am till 6 or 7 pm. Add another kid to the mix and its not going well. he made a joke about "Needing more support". I laughed cause we also don't have family around us. But I think it was kind of a hint and I just.... fucking no chance. I didn't say anything, but there is NO way we're stepping into that mess.
Almost everything that's going wrong was visible from a mile away before they made the decision. Her mental health is crap cause her family fucking suck, but she does running back to them every time. They threw a dog and another baby on top of the first one who I think has some development issues. The whole thing is a mess and i know it sounds cruel, but there's no way to help them without them trying to suck you into the vortex of their drama. I've made that mistake 2 or 3 times before, I'm not making it a 4th time. If you could just drop off a meal or babysit for a bit to help without hearing how horrible everything is and leaving feeling worse for having done a nice thing.. I feel sorry for them, but at what point do you go "You've kind of shot yourself in the foot there, can you please not bleed on my kitchen floor?"
It starts off a couple of hours of babysitting, ends up the whole day because of unforeseeable circumstances. I know a couple who drop their kid off at the in-laws for 4 hours so they can do the "shopping". Shopping right, yeah sure.
from what I understand getting her out of the house would be an achievement. But man I'd happily take the kids if it meant they could clean the house or something! I'm not one for judging, i've got a toddler I know its hard and our place is frequently a mess too. But theirs looks like the start of a hoarders episode. Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them, so theres no chance I'm looking after a kid that cant/wont listen to me.
That's incredibly sad. I hope she gets the help she needs because that's no way to live.
yeah I hope so. But I dont think theres a diplomatic way to say "Hey I see you guys are struggling, I think maybe applying X Y and Z might help a bit" without being sucked in.
Yep. You'll either get told EVERYTHING or told to mind your own business.
They seem like the type of couple that don't think things out enough. Something new becomes something old very fast. Never content.
You're doing the right thing by staying out of it, as hard as it may be.
Youβre doing the right thing by staying out of it, as hard as it may be.
Cheers, I think I was looking for that even if I didnt know it.
Well, you help a mate out. You can't manage their life for them. You've got your own household. Cheers.
Trouble is their kid doesnt listen to them
oh god, that's because the kid is hearing disrespectful talk and seeing disrespectful behaviour between his parents . π
personally I wouldn't mind whinging, it's just a coping mechanism
it's when they are also abusive to me or are angry when offered assistance that i nope out, iow, is it real or is it a game, is it tragedy or a personality disorder
the woman sounds isolated and in need of an ear, would benefit from joining a mom's group
She sort of expects you to get involved with their shit like bitching about him to you or whatever as if she expects you to fix it? And at first you kind of understand, we all do it to a lesser degree. But after the 8th time of hearing how horrible a situation is that has a really obvious (if uncomfortable) solution it gets tedious as fuck! Yes, life is hard sometimes, but if you never make an effort to fix things it wont get better. A great example is the dog. She'll go "Oh the dog is so hard to manage" "have you taken him to training yet?" "No, not yet, I've just been sooo busy with X" Right.... its been 2 years bro. At at certain point this is YOUR fault.
Agreed they need a support network, just dont think we can be it for them.
Playgroups are a lifeline for mums and dads. I still talk to mums who I met through there.
Does seem that they're setting themselves up to fail - and each to have enough material to put the blame on the other. Shit show coming up, so I would suggest distancing yourself - you have enough to cope with with your own responsibilities. They need professional help (and sounds like both need a good kick up the backside too).
There's a reason why airlines stress that you should put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE putting them on your kids.
Stick to your guns man. Don't hurt yourself to help others when you're trying to balance your own life.
It gets to a point when people need to face consequences of their actions and decisions.
You can empathize with them without putting yourself out there to help.
There is plenty on your plate to deal with, without the additional complexity of someone's problems.
A diplomatic answer is "I'm sorry that's the situation you're in, but we currently don't have the time and capacity to help". If this person persists and keeps asking 'why not', maybe stop talking to them. 'No' is a complete sentence.
i think I'm just gonna take some space from them tbh. The mental load of just being with them and seeing the struggle was a lot. Came home and joked with the mrs "I know we've got our hands full some times, but maaaan that really puts things in perspective".
As we get older, we realise that not everyone is a positive addition to your life. Obligations to friends (and family) diminish as you start looking out for yourself and your family.
yeah 100%. Got a full time job of being a dad. Can help others float but not at the risk of being pulled under with them.
Good grief. And here I am, early thirties, stressed I'm falling behind.
Don't burn yourself to keep others warm. They both need help, but they need to ask the right orgs. The most I would do is point them towards Ask Izzy if they're struggling financially.
Honestly reckon they just need an adult to come in and go "Right, you do X, You do Y! No not tomorrow, right fucking now!" But good point on burning yourself to keep others warm. We're managing ok where we are right now, but if we're being honest having a toddler is tough some days! Rewarding, dont get me wrong! But tough. We're all running our own race.
Here's the dinner report after the husband's folks came for dinner.
So it mostly went to plan. After dinner and I had cleaned up I sat down to do some needle work but bro was bored and he'd been very sick, just came out of hospital, so I took pity on him. After he insulted me just a little and I pushed back a little I asked him if he reads audiobooks, as that may be an easy way for him to do an interesting activity. He said they always send him to sleep. My radar immediately pinged real loud, I'm always on the alert for when he or others talk about their experience in cults. I went on to explain that the books he was listening to were designed to relax him and even send to him sleep. I explained how the tapes were relaxing, why the makers of the tapes did that and how those books differ to regular audio recordings of regular novels and nonfiction books. I never once used a value judgement or trigger word. I never mentioned the cult nor any people in the cult, I kept it fact based and impersonal. He listened with interest and very intently.
I'm a very good cult deprogrammer.
slipped on a wet floor and fell face first towards the hardwood dining table. my hand managed to catch the side of the table with about 10cm to spare before I smashed my forehead. Suspect with the speed it woulda at least knocked me out. Sad to report I neither saw the light nor had my life flash before my eyes.
Oh no! Good save.
I also stepped on a wet patch. It was cat vomit. I didn't slip, so I guess that's a win.
Dinner report part 2.
As I wrote below bro has been in hospital and he really is poorly, no denying that, even hypochondriacs get sick. Husband's mother was there, she's elderly now, and she was complaining she was so tired from visiting bro in hospital everyday. It's a 45 min drive there .
I got π and reminded her the doctors told her to only visit every second day. She was so angry that she couldn't play victim. I do not care, I don't think the others did either.
She asked if she could take food home, I gave her the scrapings off her own plate and put them in an old washed take away container. She didn't get a carry bag either. She doesn't get meals to take home anymore , not after her slanderous games.
I just do. not. care.
Trampoline dude wanted to go on a date. I did not. We are not talking anymore. He only wants to talk to me for romantic purposes it seems.
I'm sad to lose what we had. We had a similar music taste and bounced music off of one another. He also played the game I was obsessed with as a child.
Sounds like he's been.. bounced.
I wouldn't jump on that.
Brilliant stuff! this is what i come here for!
He took a leap of faith, but you were right not to fall for his attempt to bounce into your bed.
double jump that guy to the curb.
Just going to say that "trampoline dude" is a really cool name. I would not object to being known as trampoline dude.
Well, not now. But a few days ago it would have been a cool thing to be known as.
Guess his attempts fell flat.
I was confused at first because I interpreted wrong but I donβt think itβs very romantic for you as all he wanted was a one night stand or you as a f buddy.
I made scones. Cheese, pepper & chives and pumpkin & chilli flakes. All very delicious. I'm tired now.
The Remuneration Tribunal that determines the wages of Victorian politicians has just released it's determination. The government which has a policy that govt. sector employees should have wage rises capped at 3% has just been awarded 3.5% raises for themselves.
Of course they have.
Gratitude thread
I'm grateful for the lollies at work today. Also grateful for the heater and going to see friends later.
I am grateful for my cat who is acting as a purry lap warmer, my dog who acts as personal trainer and motivates me to be active even in cold weather, and for my large supply of eggs as I hear they are currently a bit hard to come by.
Grateful for being able to keep warm in this miserable cold weather.
I love how TPG try to stop you from accessing piracy websites, and it takes 1 min to circumvent their protection.
I thought Iβd check out the tax return forms just got fun but the ATO website is being smashed at the moment.
Anyway I canβt lodge it till I get the pre fill information uploaded by various places.
Donβt imagine Iβm going to get much back this year if last year was anything to go by.
I slept in for forty minutes so why do i feel more tired
Good Morning everyone
Now that it's July, I'm seeing so many users with a cake next to their name because of how many people joined in June and july after reddit banned 3rd party apps
