this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2024
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Hey. I might be judging this Situation wrong but I feel like my wife cant do anything alone and she never leaves the house and I have no time for me.

Sorry but my phone is making capitel Letters cause english isnt my main language and sorry for Bad english.

My wife and I are 31 and been together 12 years. I love her.

Since a few years I notice how all her friends moved away, she failed her exams and has nothing. So I understand her Situation.

I noticed she cant do anything alone or always wants me to join in even though we spent the whole day together already.

She cant just bake a cake. She always ask if I can help and Im like sure okay and in the end all I do is messure sugar, melt butter... its like a thing Id do alone to unwind.

She wants to go eat ice in town. I say no I dont wsnt to and she is like "okay" and goes watching TV. I wsnt to play computer but feel bad because she is bored, watches no shows... all she does is watch garden tv where they build St.pid Pools lol.

If I were her Id go without "me" and unwind. Heck, if she wants to stsy home I go drink coffee alone or with friend and just scroll reddit and watch ppl. She cant. She stays home and waits til im done playing. The thing is I could play forever. My friends all play starcraft and overwatch.

But if I do play I cant enjoy it cause I have a wife a room next to me being bored. I feel like I have to entertain her.

She has no hobbies, all her friends moved away, she has no job,... and if I were hin her Position Id still be fine cause I have so much to do. I can go swim, watch ppl, do nothing, play games, read, cook etc and all alone. Sometimes I enjoy if Im alone which is rare.

This weekend she visits her friends and is gone til tomorrow and its sad because now I feel so free. I can sleep in without feeling bad, i can game all night. This morning I was in the local Spa and just sat in whirlpool 3 hours alone. It was so good knowing I can do all that without having the feeling to entertain someone waiting for me.

I feel so bad. I feel bad for wishing to live alone again or maybe wishing shed be gone atleast once a week. If I coulf only have like 1 or 2 days I wouldnzt see anyone id be happy. I mean no one. Im really happy alone, I can Bing watch shows or podcasts and be happy. Take my phone or pc and Id just go to the local coffee store and sit for 4 hours.

Maybe Im the problem because I feel like I dont need anyone. I love her though and cant wait til she comes back tomorrow but those 2 days are so nice.

Another random examples of what I mean:

  1. She wants to cook and is hungry. Im not hungry and dont wanna cook. She eats cereal. If I were her Id still cook lol. Now I feel bad cause she is eating garbage cause I dont wanna cook and eat.

  2. She wants to visit her parents. Okay, fine but I stay home. She: Ill go lay down

Mh okay? Now I cant go to the local coffee Shop and drink coffee cause she is sleeping cause I dont want to go to her parents. Okay I could go to the coffee Shop but I now know she is either joining, which is fine, but rather would go to her parents. I feel bad again.

  1. Vacation. I ask where she wants to go this year, she says she doesnt care. I say mh ok... Thailand? She says "we were there last year" and Im like "yeah was nice" and now I know she doesnt want to go there but cant say a Different destination. Now Im stuck. I ask Malaysia. She says "maybe".

Wtf now I cant book a flight. I know she wants to go to Sri Lanka. Why cant she just say it???

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[–] VishousDeelishous@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Is there any reason why she doesn't have a job? That is a big social experience. A job could help give purpose, and give opportunity to develop skills.

The suggestion of joining a sports league is a good one my wife and I play volleyball with some of her work friends and their spouses. Gets us together weekly to chat catch up, have a few drinks. It's been wonderful for getting us out of the house.

Hopefully you can find something to help your wife become more independent.