I think you overestimate the standards of swingers, who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are when they're hitting on people outside their circle.

Granted, you have to be attractive to get into Hollywood swinging parties, and especially rich swingers will look for less-rich young hot people to populate their swinging parties (usually with a personal interest in having a chance to smash that) but for the rest of ~~us~~ ~~them~~ ~~us~~ them, they want to to look slightly better than the Elephant Man, but do come clean, relatively well groomed (mind your nails, please) and if you can afford to dress nice, please do so. (No one denied access due to lack of funds.)

Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I've experienced has been attitude and personality. This is one place that my own vampiric obsession with consent has really served me well.

Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises. (Note, I've never been on a cruise, but have affluent parents who do, and can be snobbish themselves. From what I've read about cruise experiences, they sound dreadful in their opulence, hazards and wastefulness during a global pollution crisis) But then, cruises are expensive, and so the Venn diagram of obnoxious cruise passengers and affluent folk who are obnoxious off-cruise as well has a large area of intersection.

[–] rumschlumpel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 months ago

who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are

They take care of their appearance? Talk about false advertising, I only consider sexual partners who look hot after they took a dive in liquid manure!

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I've experienced has been attitude and personality.

Can confirm. Been part of local kink communities, and I've seen a few dudes about 2.5 steps up from the elephant man trimmed all to hell because dude had a great personality and knew how to use his implements. I don't consider myself to be the best looking, but I don't have any trouble for the same reason.

Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises.

In my experience, that's swinging parties, and to a lesser extent, the underlying culture in itself in a lot of places.

In a previous life, our local kink and swinging scenes shared a building with connected event spaces, and any time there were overlapping events, consent issues inevitably cropped up. We constantly had complaints about people grabbing others or walking into scenes (and we had to not laugh when they inevitably got hit and complained about their lack of situational awareness).

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I dated a woman in the "Life style". We went to a Xmas party that was "chocolate" (sex allowed) vs. "vanilla".

Let me tell you .. there were plenty of middle aged, normal or even lesser quality attractiveness. (IMO). I'm not Hollywood grade by any means.

It was literally just a big holiday bash with very average people with the added twist of random double BJ in the middle of the kitchen.

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 months ago

Heh, the community I was in often had munches at a private house so that scenes and demonstrations could happen ad hoc when participants couldn't resist. Munches are typically held at neutral locations like cafés or restaurants so that no one feels at a disadvantage, and more intimate encounters would have to be scheduled for later (or occur after the meet at someone's home).

So the possibility that people might get laid on site added a particular je ne sais quoi, and a particular risk, to the occasion.

[–] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 41 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I have been on several and never encountered this

[–] Sc00ter@lemm.ee 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Do you sit at the bar and wear pineapple swim trunks? That'd probably help

[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago

Spending a lot of time at the bar is the key. It also depends on what kind of cruise you're on. If you're on a family cruise the odds are way down.

But the people who proposition you aren't always going to be the people you'd want to have a threesome with.

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are pineapple swim trunks the code for availability to swing?

This wouldn't be the first clothing code I've encountered.

[–] AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Pineapples specifically are the code for availability to swing. A pineapple print Hawaiian shirt would also work. If you see a house with a bunch of pineapple decor, they might be a swinger. Or they might just really like pineapples. Regardless, I personally can't look at the ubiquitous summer pineapple decor for sale in stores the same way I did before I knew about swingers and pineapples.

[–] Sc00ter@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago

Sometimes it's hard to tell if they like pineapples or swingers, but if you see an upside down pineapple, they're swingers. Thats just usually not an option on clothing

[–] k_rol@lemmy.ca 15 points 3 months ago

same here, I think we should be sad in some ways

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 17 points 3 months ago

Time to book a cruise.

[–] FenrirIII@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The Disney cruises are the worst. It started normal, but then i found my girlfriend got fucking Goofy.

[–] GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Well, gawrsh!

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

I found my girlfriend got fuh-hyucking Goofy.

[–] ramenshaman@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

They have whole cruises specifically for swingers

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

This comment has triggered me to make a relevant asklemmy post. brb

edit: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/142327

[–] SchmidtGenetics@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Aren’t swingers looking to trade partners? Not do 3ways without the other usual consenting person knowing?

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 months ago

That's partner swapping, or wife swapping in the mid 20th century, which is a subset of swinging. Plenty of swinging is bunches of people in a pile, or mingling and pairing. They're supposed to be consent and boundary conscious, but are not always (especially when booze or drugs get involved) which is the primary source of sore feelings and getting uninvited to future events.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

Okay I read all the comments and none seem to explain enough about the subject. However all seems to indicate that upside down pineapple shorts may make it easier for a swinger to come invite us to have chocolate with them.