Edit: Please know that I am reading and appreciating every one of your responses. Even if I do not reply to you, I appreciate your time and want the best for you all. Thank you, guys.
I've always been the "crazy one" in any given scenario. I have been this way my whole life. Even as a child I was crazy. I would get upset and cry loudly for hours but my siblings would not. I caused problems at home for my family, especially for my mom who didn't know what to do with me. I did this as an older child, not normal toddler tantrum age. I was old enough to "know better". I did it my whole childhood.
For the most part in life, I have been able to be a productive member of society. The issues I would cause were limited to my home life and I mostly kept to myself. I sometimes cause issues by being a crazy person to my online friends, but at least that never spilled over into the "real world".
But now in my 30s I am causing such issues at work. I asked for some psych meds to be prescribed to me in March and have been taking them ever since. Doesn't seem to do anything.
I seem to get more frequent and strong negative emotions than the general population. I have difficulty controlling these, especially when I feel like someone is being mean or unfair to me or others. I think I am genetically predisposed to be this way, as my dad was a crazy person when I was growing up (but he has always been nice to me...he was only abusive to my mom). He had "episodes" too the same way I do, except his were malicious to others in nature. My older brother also has claimed to have bipolar disorder which supposedly has a genetic component.
I have spoken to mental health professionals and have been assessed for various things. I do not have bipolar disorder, autism, or OCD per mental health professionals. I tried to bring up keywords like "emotional dysregulation" to them. There seems to be no good explanation for why I am insane. I have wondered if maybe I have borderline personality disorder but have not inquired to be assessed for that one. I do not seem to exhibit the "risk taking" behaviors that are core to borderline personality disorder though.
I get frustrated that I am always the only one who is crazy and no one else is like me.
But I know there are other crazy people out there. Please, tell me your stories. How do you deal with life? How do you deal with always being different than others and feeling negative things more strongly? How do you handle things? How do you handle being and feeling alone in the way that you are? How do you handle the emotional frustration?
If this is inappropriate for here, I apologize. I just want to hear how others have managed to handle life despite this isolating "disability". I want to hear your stories. I want to gain wisdom from all of you. Thank you.
It's crazy how people hold children to far higher standards than they hold themselves or other adults.
No adult would be happy with the conditions we put on children and their lack of autonomy, and on top of everything we expect them to be in a perfectly pleasant mood all the time?? Everyone has feelings. It's not a bad thing to let people around you know you have them, it means you're human - but your feelings should not run you, and should not be a reason to hurt or scare or threaten or destroy yourself, others or things.
There is plenty of overlap in symptoms and issues for a lot of diagnoses, like adhd/autism or borderline/adhd or borderline/ptsd or ocd/ptsd or hyperhidrosis and all of the above...
That's why it's important to not only find one that fits, but rule out the other ones as well, to make sure there isn't one that fits even better. And it gets even more complex with the possibility of having multiple diagnoses, and it becoming more complex the longer the person has gone undiagnosed and with atypical symptoms due to learned masking behaviours or self medication, or gotten secondary issues like anxiety due to the undiagnosed ones.
I went through a plethora of wrongful diagnoses before I got the one that actually suits me, and where the treatment is helping instead of harming. It can take time to figure yourself out... but it's a really interesting journey!
Thank you again. If you don't mind me asking, which diagnos(i/e)s do you have? Can a therapist diagnose you with such things or does it have to be a psychiatrist?
When I asked about psych meds with a psych NP, they gave me a standard anxiety/depression diagnosis. But obviously we didn't necessarily go in depth with a zillion different conditions and it was done to see if I might benefit with meds and to rule out bipolar disorder (as I have a relative with it). She suggested a specific therapist for me, but I have yet to contact this particular therapist because my work schedule is a bit up on the air at the moment to make a specific recurring appointment time. But would such a therapist be able to find more about these diagnoses with me? Or should I instead be inquiring about these diagnoses with my psych NP that is prescribing me meds?