this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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I got a lot of professional advice and guidance in the moment to kick the door to mindfulness wide open. I wish I could share any one thing specific to help anyone replicate the experience. I honestly think this kind of Gnostic awakening has to be tailored to the individual. Also, I was told I was a quick study at this - so sadly, it may take a long time to get there (months to years even).
One exercise we did that helped a lot was to have a discussion with your younger self, and explore what you would say knowing what you know now. Like with a lot of this stuff, the key is to verbalize - it's fundamentally different than talking to yourself with your inner monologue. So you're gonna need a close friend that you can share a LOT of deeply traumatic experiences. Pulling punches and censoring your own speech is just going to get in the way. Fundamentally, this is what we pay counselors for: privacy, not judging, and helping to take out the trash. Group therapy may help here too - I have yet to try this, so YMMV.
On a more specific note, I used to be obsessed with root-cause-analysis for my own psychological problems. I almost got into an argument with my counselor over it, until he was able to help me see the light. You can absolutely figure out why and even how you got this way, but that information will absolutely not help you if you're already in a safe space. It can help you break free of someone or a bad situation, but stuff that happened 30 years ago? Not so much. When you get down to it, there's no "undo" button for trauma, no matter how much you know. Instead, one must look to the present, exercise mindfulness in the moment of anxiety and triggers, and practice walking your headspace back to a more rational place.
Edit: this was all during the pandemic, BTW. I can't say that compares to what we have going on today, but I can confidently say that it's possible to focus on self-help despite all that. It's really possible to separate "things that are going on in the world" and "things that are just me" in your own head, and work on the latter.