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I don’t know if you’re seeking care (and I hate unsolicited mental health advice on the internet)- but something that has helped me is seeking out specifically a sex therapist about the abuse and the way it manifests elsewhere. Her philosophy is more holistic/social cultural.
I also have another therapist that comes to my apartment. The power imbalance is less scary - it’s my castle.
I also start any convo with a prospective shrink by letting them know that I strongly am against CBT and do not believe that it works for trauma. A therapist doesn’t need to be anti-CBT, but the way that they react to a self-advocate is really helpful in seeing if they respect their patients autonomy or not.
The dicey thing is that our system is not at all set up for dealing with chronic suicidal ideation. There’s so much fear around mandatory reporting, the idea that someone might talk about not wanting to live, go home and off themselves, and whoops! there’s your license. Having a conversation with a prospective shrink about what their “line” is there is very helpful - that you can make Luigi jokes and not be sectioned.