this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2024
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I'm going to add some additional advice as far as the "incel mindset": Get off tinder.
Tinder isn't meant for making lasting relationships, no matter what the marketing team claims. From it's inception it has been used almost exclusively for people to hook up. Casual sex. There are couples that got started through Tinder, but those are rarer.
Sites and services like Tinder turn dating into a "meat market". Really sit and think for a moment about just how little you learn of a person from their Tinder profile. It's almost all superficial and appearance based.
Why would someone spend even a few seconds on "Average McBigNose" when they can swipe a few times and be looking at "Chad McThunderCock", spending time on "Julia BigForehead" when they're potentially moments away from "Anorexia FCups". It boils down aspects of everyone involved to an almost entirely appearance based first impression. That's not fair or healthy for self esteem.
If you feel you need to use dating sites, try using some that have more fuller profiles, big long personality quizes, and that don't have an entire design philosophy and UI built around knee-jerk reactions of yes or no.
Additionally, a lot of things depend on how you portray or frame it. Try to give as much as possible a positive spin, even internally. Fake it if you need to.
You don't just travel cheaply.
You enjoy travelling, but you try to do it frugally (frugal is effectively the socially acceptable version of cheap) so you can save money for other things. Avoiding expensive travel arrangements keeps you closer to the ground and allows you to more naturally and honestly experience the places you go, really immerse yourself in the places.
Traveling by bus takes longer, but it gives you more time to think deeply about the people and places around you, time to read, time to recharge. When you get to your destination your mind is clear and ready to focus on the experience without much mental baggage from work or home.