this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
119 points (94.7% liked)

Asklemmy

44152 readers
1388 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I have a few.

One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you'd explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.

Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you're suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don't like children. You're suddenly okay with dating religious people but you're not religious. Things like that. Because it means you're desperate and you're setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] dingus@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

I think your assessment of the issue is accurate. People don't go out and do things like they did before the pre cellphone and internet age.

But for me...for the life of me if I go out and do stuff on my own, I cannot interact with strangers. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant, and I don't get anything out of it. I don't know how that's supposed to magically swing the other direction.

Hell, even with people I like and know well... interacting with them outside of our "normal" routine is uncomfortable and unpleasant for me. Over the years, I've befriended someone at work and feel comfortable there. But for the life of me, I cannot gain the same level of comfort and satisfaction hanging out outside of work.

I've had a sister in law for years and years now. Despite this, I do not have the inability to interact with her. It is uncomfortable, unlessant, and I do not get anything out of it. It's not her fault...she's a very nice person. But I just absolutely cannot ever gain comfort around people in certain (read: many) types of scenarios. I am comfortable around my parents and that's it. No matter how often I spend with other people.

Exposing myself repeatedly to these scenarios has not ever helped or made any sort of difference.

[โ€“] dukeofdummies@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would always suggest never force yourself to interact with people. I'm just saying be adjacent. You don't have to force yourself to interact with people. Just at least be around them.

Forcing yourself to interact with a person for no other reason than interaction is ALWAYS awkward. It takes skill to plow through the awkwardness. Speed dating, speed friending, date auctions, are always awkward for this reason. Small talk can be difficult but if you treat someone more like google asking a question you actually care about. It's a lot less awkward. People like to be experts, and treated as such.

It's why I say just, wander. It's alright not speaking to anybody for hours at an event. Walk through it like you would a forest. Take in the sights and sounds. Try to find something truly interesting.

I'll give an exception here, I'm an extrovert with social anxiety and I benefitted immensely from making myself do things and talk to people.

[โ€“] Monster96@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

I go out and do stuff for me. I'm perfectly comfortable with wandering around and looking at things without ever interacting with everyone besides thanking the person behind the register after buying something. I've had social anxiety for so long that it's become a normal thing for me now to not expect any interaction with anyone. And, because of this, no one wants to talk to the quiet person who is scared to look at you in the eye. They might think I'm just being rude or something but in reality I'm avoiding a potential interaction that scares me. So, speaking to what this person said about going out and doing stuff I can relate. Going out in public doesn't necessarily mean you'll interact with people. You can be alone even when surrounded by people.

I can relate to this. Several times I have forced myself to go out and mix with people only to be back again in home and think that I got nothing positive from the experience, sometimes neither a good time during the process. Right now I think that Im transitioning to the acceptance that I just don't like people and I want to be by myself.