uncurable_utopia

That's a smart move by reviewing the written things and strengthening the points to avoid gaslighting.

As an update of this post of mine, I again started journaling from yesterday. Randomly noting each events line by line.

Broader methods of writing down my thoughts in a neat arrangement will take some time but I'm confident that I'll manage.

You got me, buddy...🫳

Growing up, I self-taught myself to pronounce this word as "Ee-ther". Then I went to a private teacher and learned that the correct English pronunciation is "Eye-ther". Then I also came to know that the word can be pronounced in both way regarding different accents. Then I stopped caring which pronunciation I was using while speaking. Most of the time, I say "Eye-ther". I utter the later one barely.

I've started to use "Capacities" recently.

I just write down events of the day 1 sentence in a line. Timestamps excluded.

Thank you to all who gave me precious advices and insights.

I've grasped my understanding of thought process and ways to channel them through different methods like journaling.

I've also learned not to feel down in my unaccomplishment and to go forward no matter what. Because in the long run, it's the action that counts. If I do nothing, I'll succumb into the loophole of my unaccomplishment more which will make the mental toll on me greater.

Also, I'll give you guys update if I can shift in a way I've never walked before. Peace 🤝🫂

Thank you for you detailed insights!

One thing I've discovered about my mentality is that, I've developed a perfectionist perspective/mindset that was resulted from the pressure my parent gave me for me to become the best in everything. Which I couldn't. And this perfectionist mindset didn't only stayed in study sector sadly.

Meaning, I DO get upset/sad if I cannot do a task I had planned and scheduled beforehand. That feeling of failure takes a toll upon my mental energy and it keeps me disabled, distant from reality for a long time( 10-12 hours ).

Whereas, If I face a sudden failure unknowingly of myself, I almost don't feel a thing.

After reading your insight, maybe I'm sensing a change in my perspective. A positive change. Maybe I can LET GO of the feeling of failure and move on..

Will update in this community if I can make a positive shift in my life..

So it wasn't only me who couldn't see any video posts...?!

To be honest, I did kinda tried to match my symptoms to the symptoms of ADHD. But not through a professional source or person. You know, there are a handful of 2-3 people on insta who talk about mental health. I don't question their knowledge, authority or authenticity but according to them( as they explained some symptoms of ADHD), my overall psychological function and its effects on my physiological state heavily match to the symptoms of ADHD and its after-effect.

Another problem I've been facing for around 2 years is that, I get emotionally dissociative when I'm in a critical life crisis. For example, I didn't took my registration card to one of the most important exams in my life. There was another girl who also made the same mistake and literally fainted on the road out of fear and anxiety.

Whereas I, standing near her, didn't even faze or worry. Somehow I couldn't care if the authority would let me attend the exam. But the authority actually let me attend.

Noted. ✍️ .

I used an app called "My Diary". While I don't particularly seek customization and colorful theme in the way, upon testing multiple diary app, this one caught my attention. Maybe because of its simplicity.

The last time I wrote an entry in this app was in 2nd February. The developing matter is that, from last week, I've started to write entries again but in a different note-taking app. I skipped the last 2 days but after getting responses from you guys, I think I CAN continue.....

Thank you for sharing your experiences in details.🤝

For all the things I journal except for writing daily activities, I really find them enjoyable and interesting.

I too use 2 physical diary to write down certain things. 1 is for writing down my understanding and explanation of youtube videos, forums, thread, articles that I find informative.

And the 2nd one is for writing down random 1 line thoughts, facts, ideas throughout the entire page.

But I can't keep myself continuous to write my daily activities for some reason. Firstly, I don't find it interesting, secondly, I don't find it useful.

What I DO want to explore is that, I keep hearing people saying that, for those who overthink, writing down their thoughts really helps.

But I couldn't quite take myself at that point. Maybe because I don't know how to write my constant thoughts in an organized way or do I REALLY NEED to write down my thoughts or I need other people's company/ or emotional relationship with someone of my opposite gender to quiet down the current inside my brain.

I never really tried the later possibility as I am a very anti-social person. Nor do I have any "friends" whom I can hang out with freely.

Ultimately I'm seeking to organize my entire life. May it involve the help of other persons, physiatrist, emotional bonding, socializing or just journaling as I want, I don't care which might help.

Other than journaling, the other methods are hardly executable for me.

One thing is missing. Family... A loving partner, maybe some years pass and some children...

Love takes us to strange places and makes us to do even stranger things...