liyah27

joined 1 day ago
[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 5 points 19 hours ago

Honestly I felt like I slept a lot better lmao

 

I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)

I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 5 points 23 hours ago (4 children)

He tells me he gets scared at night as well. He also has diagnosed hyperactive ADHD which might make him restless at night.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 7 points 23 hours ago

Typically his physical/sexual abuse was only directed to me behind closed doors and never towards our son. One night, he came home super drunk (Suffered from alcoholism) and started loudly yelling at our son randomly. I stepped in and he slapped me. That’s kind of when I decided I had enough, and I told him to leave. He broke down and I convinced him to go to rehab and I ended the relationship.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

I have a pretty good relationship with my parents now. They definitely help me with taking care of my son every now and then. They are kind of pressuring me to try dating again.

When I first told them I was pregnant, my dad was pretty pissed initially and my mom was super disappointed but they kind of cooled off and became more supportive which I appreciated.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 25 points 1 day ago (5 children)

He does have diagnosed ADHD, but thanks for the advice, will definitely try this.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I had him when I was 15!

Edit: No worries, most people are usually surprised when they find out I’m a 27 year old mother with a 12 year old child.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I work for part time for quest diagnostics and as a waitress on weekends.

I don’t interact too much with my son’s friends, but they are usually pretty surprised when they see me. I remember opening the door when my son’s friends came over for the first time and one of them asked if I was his older sister!

My relationship with my son is pretty great. Recently he’s been kind of his pre-teen era but we’re still very close. I feel like being a younger mom also helps me relate to him a little more.

 

I’m a 27 year old single mother and I have a 12 year old son. Recently he’s been knocking on my door in the middle of the night because he can’t sleep and he asks to sleep with me. I’ve been letting him since neither of us really have a problem with it and it’s kind of nice not having to sleep alone every night. However, I’ve heard and seen some things online that seem controversial about co-sleeping with a child past a certain age. I definitely don’t want to negatively affect his development, so I guess what are your thoughts?

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

I grew up in a pretty religious household so that was kinda immediately off the table. But honestly, I’m not super religious myself and I am pro-choice. I won’t lie and say I never considered it, but I feel like I would have always wondered what my son would have been like had I aborted. Personally, I felt like I had a good enough support system to raise a kid even at my age. Now, I have no regrets and I’m extremely happy with how things have turned out raising a son.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Hearing comments from other people about me having a kid was probably one of the hardest things to deal with at school. I could sense judgement even from teachers just from the way they looked at me. Also being a POC in a mostly white town didn’t make things better. Luckily I had a few supportive friends who would always check up on me and stuck by me.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I definitely have no regrets of becoming a mother. My son is my whole world, and I love him so much. I’m a big believer in everything happening for a reason, so I’m grateful for whatever comes to me.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

My ex was a year and a half older than me so he was 16 almost 17.

Managing high school while having a kid was difficult but fortunately I had grandparents who were willing to take care of my son while I was at school. My mother also helped a bit, but both my mother and father were working full time.

I never fully dropped out, but I did take a semester off to recover from giving birth and all of the stress. My partner continued school as well.

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by liyah27@lemmy.world to c/askmeanything@lemmy.ca
 

A few years ago I left my abusive ex. Now I’m a 27 year old single mother and my son is 12. I work 2 jobs and take care of my son. Ask me anything.

[–] liyah27@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thanks for the advice! I guess it’s just hard seeing him grow up so fast. I’ll give him his space and honestly you’re right about just being grateful he’s comfortable having his friends over.

 

I’m a single mother of a 12 year old boy and recently he told me he was gonna have some friends over, but he asked me if I could stay in my room while they hangout. After some arguing I did end up staying in my room for the most part outside of bringing them snacks/drinks. I was kind of hurt because I want to be that cool/friendly mom to my son’s friends and I want to get to know who my son is hanging out with. I’m definitely on the younger end for a mother of a 12 year old since I had him extremely early, so I feel like I’d be less embarrassing than other moms. Any time I’ve offered to chaperone for school events, he’s begged me not to. What should I do? Is this just a phase?

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