Katrisia

https://lemm.ee/comment/11472049

I didn't think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn't comprehend.

I don't want to offend you or anyone in any way, I just wonder if it could have been a case of neurodiversity (you being neurodivergent in a way socializing didn't come as natural as for others).

In my case, I understood my own differences a little late. I was rejected a couple of times because I was apparently showing-off. I connected the dots years later: I was being too effusive and intense, which was read as arrogance or cockiness.

A friend of mine struggled with his autism. People during his school years thought he was grumpy (or worse), when in reality he was having a hard time coping with external stimuli and information.

People can see something is different, but many (even as adults) are not kind about the explanation. Instead of thinking that you are a shy person (or whatever trait they are judging), they might think you think you're better than them or whatever.

It's funny how many people default for an option in which the "weird" person is a bad person somehow, but there's probably some evolutionary adaptations to partially blame...

I also noticed how "pretty" people didn't have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I'd never be treated the same way as a "pretty" person would.

Same as my last paragraph. It's human nature to make judgments based on taste, on personal preferences, etc. "Pretty privilege" is real, and we should outgrow it, but... yeah. It even affects people deemed attractive as they cannot trust the same, they cannot escape things like comparisons, etc. Let's not talk about the bullying for the other side. It's vicious.

I hope you're okay after that experience.

I believe they are talking about a specific community that has formed over TikTok, a very anticapitalist and cosmopolitan one, and not about the platform itself.

If your algorithm is favoring that content, your short videos will be full of people talking about all things wrong in our global state of affairs; alternatives and temporal solutions (that happen to harm corporations, ironically because the information is becoming popular thanks to one, so I guess it's the ladder to get to the rooftop); global situations that are not talked or barely talked on regular news (like Congo, Palestine, etc.); the truth behind Western propaganda and lies, especially the ones against populations and ideologies (e.g., "this country doesn't prosper because they're [whatever]" vs "we exploited and condemn this country to scarcity for decades and lied about it"); etcetera. In my time there, I've learnt a couple things.

I know that these content creators will find another platform if TikTok goes down. Lemmy has shown me that social media can be free of corporations, but that's something many people are not aware of yet, especially since the techy people that could explain it on TikTok are not there.

So... yeah, TikTok has some interesting sides content-wise. There's even the rumor that this is one of the reasons they want it banned in the U.S.

I don't want to fall into a slippery slope argument, but I really see this as the tip of a horrible iceberg. Seeing women as sexual objects starts with this kind of non consensual media, but also includes non consensual approaches (like a man that thinks he can subtly touch women in full public transport and excuse himself with the lack of space), sexual harassment, sexual abuse, forced prostitution (it's hard to know for sure, but possibly the majority of prostitution), human trafficking (in which 75%-79% go into forced prostitution, which causes that human trafficking is mostly done to women), and even other forms of violence, torture, murder, etc.

Thus, women live their lives in fear (in varying degrees depending on their country and circumstances). They are restricted in many ways. All of this even in first world countries. For example, homeless women fearing going to shelters because of the situation with SA and trafficking that exists there; women retiring from or not entering jobs (military, scientific exploration, etc.) because of their hostile sexual environment; being alert and often scared when alone because they can be targets, etc. I hopefully don't need to explain the situation in third world countries, just look at what's legal and imagine from there...

This is a reality, one that is:

Putting hundreds of millions of people into a state of hopeless depression

Again, I want to be very clear, I'm not equating these tools to the horrible things I mentioned. I'm saying that it is part of the same problem in a lighter presentation. It is the tip of the iceberg. It is a symptom of a systemic and cultural problem. The AI by itself may be less catastrophic in consequences, rarely leading to permanent damage (I can only see it being the case if the victim develops chronic or pervasive health problems by the stress of the situation, like social anxiety, or commits suicide). It is still important to acknowledge the whole machinery so we can dimension what we are facing, and to really face it because something must change. The first steps might be against this "on the surface" "not very harmful" forms of sexual violence.

Get protective padded pants.

Exactly. This is the only argument needed to support treatments and drugs. If a person wants to do it (a choice made with a sufficiently healthy mind), we should provide safety. Euthanasia, abortion, hormones, etc. We shouldn't care about further views.

Yes, my psychiatrist told me how his adult patients had some patterns in their lives. I started to pay attention and I can't believe how similar our stories can be. Anecdotes that are the same, the same challenges... Now I can kindly suggest an evaluation when I see someone struggling 👍.

Edit: I just realized I posted on the autism community. I am not autistic, sorry. I hope it's okay.

The suicide rates have become one of the most popular arguments, which is a shame because it is incomplete. More men complete the suicidal act, but more women attempt it (apparently, they just own less guns, less substances in the garage, etc.). In other words—because I explain like sh*t in English: women are more suicidal, but less lethal in their attempts.

Both sexes, and intersex people, suffer a lot. The various genders suffer a lot.

I know influencers that talk about this problem without being Andrew Tate, but when I recommend them, I get downvoted as if they were worth nothing. I disagree. Of course, it is not a solution because life is always hard and confusing, but to listen to leftist men who understand feminism and other current social movements, and speak of the role of masculinity today considering those is very refreshing and it definitely helps and it is a step forward.

In a nutshell, they talk about caring about mental health. Many of them already are through their own journeys via psychotherapy or other means of introspection and emotional awareness. They talk about feelings and beliefs within the people that were told that they need to be a cartoon, an action figure, because vulnerability is for the lesser sex and a real man™ despises those things. They talk about healing, understanding, cooperation, etc. I don't know if you're a leftist, but that's behind other concepts such as anarchy or social welfare. It is nice to see the line of thought from healing the personal to healing the communal, and viceversa.

So... yeah, ostracism is not the solution. It's funny because I've suffered from agoraphobia and things like that in other moments of my life, and I understand the dysphoric feeling brought by just thinking about society. I have rejected society time and time again, but we are social creatures and we need each other.
I need you because writing this comment is something that I feel I have to do. You're giving me some minutes of purpose and even hope that I can make you feel less alone in this world. We both need the person that is making Lemmy possible, and our instances, and many other people on that chain. We like having friends and romantic relationships and random interactions on social media. We like going to events and activities in our towns or cities.

As I see it, If society is not 'rejectable' without hurting ourselves and others, the next thing to do would be to interact healthily with our fellow human beings. It is an available journey, there are people willing to help in each step, but you need to trust and trust is hard as f*ck.

I've heard the argument based not on structural power but average physical capabilities and biological structures. [I'm going to use the terms meaning sex and not gender]. The man is most likely the person that can gain control during the act, and he doesn't risk being in pain as much as the woman. Therefore, the man holds more power and is more of a threat on average.

This is also technically true, and I don't think it is about consent but freedom. [I'll keep using the words for sex and not gender]. Sexuality becomes another form in which women can become subjugated, so it's a matter of precaution, I guess (especially since men are being socialized to be entitled or even violent, which is the other part of the picture).

I've also heard the extreme version of this argument saying that penetration is what I just described, always, without exception.

In both cases and in yours and in others, I don't think the meme is correct because the reasons are very different from puritanism.

Also a video about how that's the worst thing you can do for your health with no actual advice to correct it.

I get rather irritated with those arguments because they only return to the start. "Here, a world". "Is it how we experience it, though, and why and how; if not, what's behind?". "Bullshit, a world". That's hardly an answer. And, personally, it feels intellectually dishonest because the question was larger than just "is there a world?".

I prefer an answer like saying that doubting the world in any form might be a mistake on its own because [reasons]. I do not agree, but at least there's explanations and communication.

Also, I think they are fighting a straw man. For instance, I doubt many things about the Universe, our knowledge, our minds, etc. Yet, I accept there are phenomena which appear to me. This has been the case since the ancient school of skepticism, and I have yet to meet a person which declares themself a skeptic and does not do this to some degree. For example, I know I'm hungry right now. I don't know if the pain is real in any other deeper level, or if it is like the pain in a dream that goes away when one wakes up, or a delusion that is felt without external stimuli, or whatever. I don't know the nature of it, yet it is an experience I must attend. I can even add that the mechanisms behind, the anatomical knowledge and such is useful, but it might be entirely wrong or be as illusory as the pain itself. The straw man is that skeptics would say: "I don't know if I'm really feeling hungry", "I don't know if I want to eat" or something like that.

Why does it matter, then? Because it changes everything. In my case, it made me go from a realist teenager to an instrumentalist adult in science. From an atheist teenager to an agnostic adult.

The discussion derives in many interesting branches too. The mere "does it matter if the world is different from what we perceive if we cannot perceive it in any other way?" is an example. Many people answer yes or no without justifying it. And, at this point, some people might be wondering why we need to justify every single belief we hold and every single thing we say, like the ones throughout my comment, and that in itself is a new good question that emerges. The possibility of having any of these conversations is also a good question, and so on...

So philosophy is not going too far, in my opinion. Some philosophers might go too far, but I really think they are rare (or misunderstood).

I liked Revolt.